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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what mumsnet post lives rent free in your head?

893 replies

mosiacmaker · 02/09/2023 14:20

Just for fun.

Mine is the woman who posted for advice about what to do about her husband who was talking to their cat really sensually. Not baby talk but like sensuous loving ”ooh your fur is so good my darling pussycat” and it gave her the absolute ick.

Every time I talk to my dog I remember her and chuckle. I wonder how she’s doing 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
30
MoiraRosesBaybay · 02/09/2023 16:46

The original penguin bollards thread, I don’t recall the outcome.

EKL (elderly Korean lady) was great.

WolfFoxHare · 02/09/2023 16:46

SerafinasGoose · 02/09/2023 14:33

Suzy Quattro's fat nan.

I swear I'll never buy another leather jacket again!

This still cracks me up too. I’d definitely look like that in a leather jacket these days.

30ishiwish · 02/09/2023 16:46

The threads about a women whose husband left for OW and took everything - including the chutney. OP then found that out she was pregnant and went on to have a lovely little boy. I hope they are happy.

flirtygirl · 02/09/2023 16:46

The poo crumbs husband.

adviceneeded1990 · 02/09/2023 16:50

DragonDoor · 02/09/2023 14:21

Screaming in the Sistine Chapel

Came on to say this. Re-read sometimes if I’m feeling down 😂

MoreInputNeeded · 02/09/2023 16:50

I was going to post about the dolphins!

Amongst many others, this one comforts me on a bad day at work.

As a student on a holiday job decades ago, I left a door open at a medical research institute when I went for lunch and a large number of armadillos with leprosy escaped and ran off across the surrounding countryside. This was rapidly escalated from the institute to various higher powers locally and nationally, and within the hour the army were mobilised with heat-seeking equipment and helicopters, before the press got wind of it. The armadillos were all successfully found.

And for anyone horrified, armadillos are only minimally affected by leprosy on their skin, but have been amazing for developing effective treatments in humans.

Anyone else made a mistake so bad that the Prime Minister was involved and the army mobilised? No? Just me then.

[Unfortunately, link no longer works after last year's update.]

Inastatus · 02/09/2023 16:51

I remember the plate stuck behind the loo and the husband who ate fat balls out of the fridge not realising they were meant for the birds.

Squirrelsnut · 02/09/2023 16:51

Savernake Forest. I didn't believe it but it was a damn good creepy story.

HeadNorth · 02/09/2023 16:52

toddlepod · 02/09/2023 16:23

I loved the cutted up pear... but one I've never forgotten was so sad and still gets me teared up if I think about it, was the lady who fostered the baby born with heroin (?) addiction. Getting the baby drug free, gaining weight, first smiles, etc... OMG, so tough.

Baby recovered and eventually adopted, the pre-arranged outcome, but still heartbreaking to read the day by day transition from foster parents to adoptive parents.

It was wonderful and so bitter sweet.

If I remember rightly, the op, died of breast cancer a few years later.😓

Edited

I can never forget that one - they nicknamed the baby ‘Ladybird’. It was so poignant and she was such a wonderful brave woman with a lovely husband, then she died later of cancer. Such an emotional read.

Pallisers · 02/09/2023 16:52

I don't know what thread it was but I am eternally grateful to the MNer who gave me the phrase "spooney fucker" to describe someone who comes into your kitchen and gives your food a stir/adds salt etc.

LaMarschallin · 02/09/2023 16:58

"Snapped and farted"
I know people reckon it was made up and I don't know why it was so funny but... it was the first thing on MN that genuinely made me laugh out loud until I was crying.
I wish others remembered "T rexing in Asda" because I made a very weak joke referring to it on a post recently and nobody got it Blush

3catsandcounting · 02/09/2023 16:58

The one where the OP ran a business with her DH. She suspected he was having an affair with a woman living nearby.
OP had two teenagers and her whole life revolved around her family. DH admitted having the affair and left the home. She was so devastated.
There must have been 5 or 6 threads, with an amazing amount of support from posters.
Turned out she was a troll, but we found out, through MNHQ I think, that her very detailed description of her home and family were based on an actual family she knew of, and the fake story caused a great deal of distress to them.

ickky · 02/09/2023 16:59

Pallisers · 02/09/2023 16:52

I don't know what thread it was but I am eternally grateful to the MNer who gave me the phrase "spooney fucker" to describe someone who comes into your kitchen and gives your food a stir/adds salt etc.

Now that is just spooky, I haven't RTHT yet.

ilovepixie · 02/09/2023 16:59

Bum sex at haven holiday Camp.

SeatonCarew · 02/09/2023 17:00

I too loved the hedge sex one where nearby residents were meeting up outside the OP's garden.

The line that always sticks in my mind is where another poster asked whether it could be foxes, and she replied, "I've never heard a fox ask for a finger up the bum".

Pallisers · 02/09/2023 17:00

I hadn't seen your post either @Ickky!

strawberry2017 · 02/09/2023 17:02

Softzilla, titzilla, lobster boy, they lady whose neighbours were convinced she was causing rain puddles in the garden.

imSatanhonest · 02/09/2023 17:02

Does anyone know what happened to the lady whose DH did cycling and she was concerned about an unknown-to-them lady who would turn up at their races/meets with pom poms to support them cheerleader-style?!

Snazzysausage · 02/09/2023 17:02

One of the first posts I read on here was about a couple living in a village and they started getting knocks at the door at night, security lights coming on,tinsel and baubles tied to their car and gate etc. It did turn out to be targeted but I'd love to know how it all ended. Of course the trapped Ford Ranger saga was great, there's someone in our village who drives a bronze ranger and it makes me smile every time I see him.😄

PinkPoppyRed · 02/09/2023 17:03

My favourites were penguin bollards, the Pom bear dinner party, the woman meeting a first date at the penguin enclosure or something like that, liftzilla, Mexican house theif and the horse one fuckyouchris

Lifeomars · 02/09/2023 17:07

QuestionableMouse · 02/09/2023 14:51

Here you go

Warning: it's very long (sorry) and very freaky, and if anyone can come up with a rational explanation I'd be extremely grateful because I'm generally a pretty rational non-woo where's-the-evidence person, but I've never been able to explain this and it still makes my heart beat faster and the hair stand up on my arms when I think about it, years later.

I was pet sitting for my friend several years ago. She had moved into a sort of small holding right on the edge of a village in the SW, with a huge garden that backed onto trees. At the time she had a right menagerie - chickens, ducks, a couple of Shetlands, cats and four black retrievers, three fully grown and one a half grown puppy. Originally DH had been going to come with me as a little holiday but the dates she ended up having to go away for work clashed with a couple of his medical appointments so he stayed at home with our dog and I went to petsit alone.

It was about halfway through my stay, a couple of nights to go. Late evening, already dark when I heard a massive commotion from the chicken shed, banging and thumping. I assumed a fox or something had got in so went out to check. As I was halfway across the garden the noise stopped instantly as if it had been shut off; by the time I got to the shed all was calm and the chickens were all settled, mostly asleep. No sign of any intruder or disturbance at all, nothing to explain the noise or any indication that the chickens had made a noise. Bit freaky but I didn't (and still don't) know much about The Way of Chicken so I locked up again and left them to it.

As I went back in the house a small black shape ran past me out of the back door and I realised the puppy must have got out. It streaked across the garden and off towards the woods. Cue much cursing, then calling her name in vain. More cursing when she didn't come back. I grabbed a torch and put one of the other dogs on the lead, partly for protection, partly because I thought the pup was more likely to come back if I had one of her canine companions with me and partly because I didn't fancy my chances of finding my way back to the house on my own even though there were a couple of vague paths that I'd followed when walking the dogs throughout the week.

Off we trudged into the wood along one of these paths, me calling pup's name at intervals and trying not to imagine murderers and rapists behind every tree trunk. We got to a point where it felt like the trees were starting to thin out and I remember thinking that I didn't remember a clearing on this path and we must have gone wrong somewhere when the dog with me slowed right down and started to resist going forward. I tried to jolly her along - while my stomach suddenly dropped like a stone - and she started growling, a really low serious rumbling growl. By this time I was practically shitting myself. I tried shining the torch ahead but the beam just sort of bounced back off the darkness if that makes sense? I got the sense of something - or somethings - moving but just sinuous deeper black shapes against the blackness and always on the periphery of vision. (The hairs on my arms are standing up again just remembering how completely and utterly terrified I was. I have honestly never known a feeling like it.)

At this point the dog sank right down, still growling, hackles up and refused to budge. I muttered something like "Jesus, you have got to be kidding me" and this ugly gurgling inhuman sort of voice hissed, right up close as if someone was right next to me "don't say that name". At the same time there was a horrible snickering sort of laugh. I cant express how utterly petrified I was. I can't remember having any coherent thoughts apart from the word "evil". That's the only clear thing I can remember. Me and the dog were frozen to the spot with pure fear. Then a different voice, really commanding, said "GO. BACK." That sounded more in my head but echoey, where the others had sounded out in the air IYSWIM?

Wherever it came from it did the trick. Me & the dog turned and belted back through the woods. She basically towed me, I just clung onto her lead stumbling to keep up and sobbing with fear. I lost the torch somewhere on that wild run but there was no way I was stopping to find it. How I didn't run blindly into a tree I'll never know, she guided me I guess. I can remember thinking desperately that I mustn't let go of her lead or "they" would get me.

When we got back to the garden she suddenly stopped - I did fall over her this time, onto my hands and knees - turned around and started snarling, proper teeth bared, rabid-looking snarls, back at the trees and the darkness. I thought I heard the snickering again but the blood was pounding in my ears so hard I can't be sure. I scrambled up and ran to the back door and she followed me but backing and snarling all the way as if holding something at bay. Oh, and the chicken shed was banging and thumping again. I got the back door open, me and her belted in, I slammed home every bolt behind us. The other dogs left behind were staring at the door and growling too with their hackles up and when I saw all three of them, puppy included, acting like that I started to cry properly because I honestly thought I was trapped in some horror film nightmare and was going to die. I don't know - I still don't know - what the black shape was that ran past me out of the house and triggered all of this because the puppy was right there in the kitchen.

Anyway I made sure every door and window was locked and bolted, I turned on every light in the house, I wandered round mumbling all sorts of weird half-religious half-spiritual shit to ward off evil spirits. Gradually the dogs settled down and stopped growling, and eventually stopped glancing at the door. Funnily enough I didn't sleep for one second that night and I rang my DH and begged him to come over the last couple of days. I know I didn't dream it because I was covered in scratches from running through the woods and had grazed hands from where I fell over the dog in the garden.

Nothing like that has happened before or since and I hope it never, ever does. It was the single most horrible, terrifying experience of my entire life.

I went cold reading this, utterly terrifying, I think my heart would have packed in out of fright. Was your friend able to offer any sort of explanation and had they had any sort of similar experience?

AmazingSnakeHead · 02/09/2023 17:09

This is really bringing the tone down, but there was a response to a "how often do you have sex?" thread that I think about all the time, something about it really tickled me. The poster woke up early every morning, went downstairs and sorted all the kids' things for school, set everyone's breakfasts, tidied up, had a cup of tea, then went upstairs to her husband where she put his cup of tea she'd made him by his bed, then something like "check if he's hard (always yes unless ill), saddle up and ride, have a shower, go wake the kids up for school."

It was the mixture of the term "saddle up" in the middle of a whole post which treated having sex with her husband as another job on her really long list that made me laugh.

orchardsquare · 02/09/2023 17:10

One of the ones I genuinely lol at was Brian from Hull. I think of it every time I see the word 'yoni' (I'd never heard it before that thread).

HowToSaveAWife · 02/09/2023 17:11

YesitsBess · 02/09/2023 14:26

The one with the creepy music in the garden and the even creepier deletion message.

Yes! This one. What the fuck happened in that one!!