To refuse to agree to a visit from husband’s female friend

[Namechangedforthis222]

I just need to check if I’m being unreasonable here. Happy to be told I am. I have changed my username, but am a regular user.

My DH and I have 2 children. The youngest is 4 months old. All is going well. We have the occasional row, but mostly care for the kids 50:50.
Most family members have met the new baby, except my DH’s grandmother (kid’s great grandmother). She’s frail and we worry that she hasn’t got long to go.
This week, I randomly thought that we should really go visit the great grandma as it has been 4 months now. She lives 2.5 hours away by car and I’ll be doing all the driving as DH has a driving phobia (even though he has a licence). The whole thing was my plan and I knew I’d be doing all the driving and was happy to.

Here’s the issue. After agreeing to the trip today, yesterday husband suddenly remembered that his friend is visiting from Canada and staying in London for a week roughly. It seems he has made plans for her to visit the house this evening, after I would have spent 5 hours driving to see his grandma.
From the moment he mentioned it, I’ve said no, not on Saturday after that huge drive. The friend can visit any other day that’s not today. I want to come home from the drive and sit and watch some TV in peace. Full disclosure, I also don’t like this friend. We’re civil, but she’s one of those really extreme right wing Canadians, so we have very little in common.

DH has now woken up feeling angry that I won’t let his friend visit today. Apparently she’s only free today and DH doesn’t want to go meet her for dinner/drinks instead (he gets anxious with commuting).

Am I being unreasonable to say she cannot visit today after my 5 hour drive??

In lots of MN threads I’ve seen men posting about their partners’ mental health conditions. Almost unanimously they are advised that their partner needs support and understanding - and to ‘be there’ for them. But when men have MH problems they are selfish pigs who are being manipulative and controlling. MN is an odd place sometimes.

You sound an absolute peach.

I'd get rid of the drip of a husband tbh, anxious about commuting? Going to meet a friend in a pub is not commuting.

Have you actually read the OP’s posts ? Her DH has a long standing mental health condition and ‘commuting’ can be anything when you factor in that agoraphobia often accompanies anxiety. And way to go with being supportive if you think someone with a MH problem is a ‘drip’. The OP hasn’t been back in some time. I wonder why.

Yabu.

For anyone that cares for the update:

We had a lovely time visiting the kids’ great grandma. She was very happy to see us and we took lots of pictures for the kids to look back on.

Funnily enough, the Canadian friend later messaged and said she couldn’t make Saturday anymore, so I did have my peaceful Saturday afterall.
She came by this afternoon and we actually all had a nice time together. Husband took her out to the garden when she started talking about the ‘elite’ starting wild fires to promote global warming ideas. I guess he could tell I was rolling my eyes into my brain! Haha
All in all, it was nice seeing her. She just has different belief and values to me, but is generally ok to hang out with.
Drama over!

OP I'm glad you got your relaxing Saturday and that DH got to see his friend

That sounds much more positive than it could have been. What does your dp say about her beliefs and values? I mean I’ve got family with very different beliefs from me - very anti immigrants, pro Brexit etc. But friends, no. I don’t have many friends though so maybe I’m too picky.

oh that is good, glad it turned out well

They became friends when my DH studied in the US many years ago. Thankfully my DH does not have the same crazy beliefs, but I think they have games and certain movie franchises in common.
I’ve seen him arguing with her about her conspiracy theories in the past (waste of energy, I think). People with those beliefs are difficult to convince.