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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this mum also annoy you

147 replies

blulight · 01/09/2023 21:21

Sometimes I think I'm just a mean / evil person.

This is rather lighthearted btw.

There's this mum at school, who used to go to the school she's now sending her DC to and she just won't stop going on about it..

we had a teacher meet up and I heard her telling the same stories about how she used to go to the school to three different sets of people. She has also managed to reference it a few times in the watsap group..

I find this really irritating and find her annoying.

Am I just an evil person ?

OP posts:
Myfavouritepenguin · 02/09/2023 07:19

MelroseGrainger · 02/09/2023 07:14

Actual bullying has the intention of making the bully feel better about themselves. The hurt to the victim is just a by product.

And of course I’m irrationally irritated by people. All the time.

Show quote history

And do you think that’s the intention here? I’m not sure I do. Also - outcome very different for the ‘target’.

Original poster
blulight · 02/09/2023 07:20

Myfavouritepenguin · 02/09/2023 06:58

@MelroseGrainger

*It’s one to thing to feel a private and irrational irritation at someone else’s habits. It’s quite another to try to gather together a group of people to also mock and denigrate another person because of those habits.

It comes from the same nasty place as school yard bullies. You’re too old to be one of those. It doesn’t matter that no one here knows her and she doesn’t know everyone is talking about her and bringing her down, the intention and the outcome is still the same.*

Well, that’s not really true, is it? Actual bullying has the intention of hurting the target, which is also almost always the outcome. The intention here is to explore, without any real possibility of hurting the person, whether others experience similar irrational bursts of irritation. Quite different.

I don’t believe that all the holier-than-thou posters have never been irrationally irritated by a person, whether it’s their voice, their laugh, their repetitive comments. It’s human nature!

I don’t think it’s really about how intrinsically good/bad it is to send your kids to your old school. There are many variables at play there. It’s the tedious need to repeat this fact that seems irritating.

Edited

I agree with this. I also posted to explore why this irritates me and what the reasons are why others get irrationally irritated. It's usually because of themselves, not because of what the other person has done to irritate.

I think it's probably jealousy to be honest. I interpreted it a bit like she was showing off about it.

Like she now thinks she's all important, ' the queen bee ' and all the rest of us idiots who didn't go to this school are just dumb newbees.

I suppose some small fear is there that she'll get better treatment and so will her DC if she's all connected at the school too perhaps and we aren't and that this will work in her and her DC's favour.

I know it's irrational but that may have been why it irritated me, when I really think about it.

OP posts:
whereaw · 02/09/2023 07:22

It's interesting though as these sorts of responses do tell us something about ourselves when we look deeply at them. For instance, would you be annoyed if she had repeated some mundane joke or comment about the weather or a holiday she had @blulight ?

Original poster
blulight · 02/09/2023 07:27

whereaw · 02/09/2023 07:22

It's interesting though as these sorts of responses do tell us something about ourselves when we look deeply at them. For instance, would you be annoyed if she had repeated some mundane joke or comment about the weather or a holiday she had @blulight ?

Haha probably if had perceived the intention of the repetition was to elevate herself.

My mum irrationally irritates me with ' oh I never ever sit down. I just can't I until everything in the house is perfect. ' ( always when I am sitting down ) 🤣

She repeats it ALL the time and it does irritate. It may not irritate others.

OP posts:
Hibiscrubbed · 02/09/2023 07:39

Well, I find anyone who bangs on and on about the same thing, pretty irritating. I’m sure they’re just giddy about it for some reason but still, it’s a bit tedious.

I’d also feel quite sorry for her that her kid was going to the same school as her. It sort of indicates her life is a bit small, no? That she hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything much. She obviously doesn’t feel like that though…

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 07:50

As opposed to be to being taught what values at another school @Fairydustxox ? Is it a church school. Sorry to be thick but I genuinely can’t see why that’s something ti be proud of. (Not that it’s anything to be ashamed of either). Pleased yes. Happy yes. Smug, possibly. But proud? That’s odd to me. But as you say, each to their own.

Original poster
blulight · 02/09/2023 07:51

Hibiscrubbed · 02/09/2023 07:39

Well, I find anyone who bangs on and on about the same thing, pretty irritating. I’m sure they’re just giddy about it for some reason but still, it’s a bit tedious.

I’d also feel quite sorry for her that her kid was going to the same school as her. It sort of indicates her life is a bit small, no? That she hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything much. She obviously doesn’t feel like that though…

The thing about it being sad it's the same school, didn't cross my mind. It's a good school. I have no idea what this woman has done in the time between her leaving school and sending her DC to the same school,

My MIL would love for my DC to go to the same school as her DC (and they could because we live in the area). If I did send them to the same school as my H and his siblings, we would never hear the end of it from MIL. I must admit, this would really irrationally irritate me as well.

OP posts:
ButterRoad · 02/09/2023 07:57

It’s incomprehensible to me that this would involve more than a passing ‘Oh, she keeps telling people that’, far less getting irritated by it to the extent of starting an internet thread about it.

Are you very easily irritated, OP?

Fairydustxox · 02/09/2023 07:58

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 07:50

As opposed to be to being taught what values at another school @Fairydustxox ? Is it a church school. Sorry to be thick but I genuinely can’t see why that’s something ti be proud of. (Not that it’s anything to be ashamed of either). Pleased yes. Happy yes. Smug, possibly. But proud? That’s odd to me. But as you say, each to their own.

Yes it's a church school.
Okay yeah maybe pleased is actually more the word than proud

CurlewKate · 02/09/2023 08:01

Mumsnet does seem to absolutely hate women who find small talk easy and enjoy chatting to people. I have never understood this.

Myfavouritepenguin · 02/09/2023 08:04

CurlewKate · 02/09/2023 08:01

Mumsnet does seem to absolutely hate women who find small talk easy and enjoy chatting to people. I have never understood this.

I genuinely don’t think it’s that. It’s like OP clarified- it’s that very subtle need to try to elevate oneself. The woman is repeatedly making some sort of very minor boast. It’s annoying.

Once we analyse our interactions closely enough, it’s possible to see all sorts of undercurrents - some of them just interesting, some of them irritating!

ButterRoad · 02/09/2023 08:07

CurlewKate · 02/09/2023 08:01

Mumsnet does seem to absolutely hate women who find small talk easy and enjoy chatting to people. I have never understood this.

True. The True Mner regards social contact with horror, and likes nothing better than getting into her pyjamas at 5 pm, secure in the knowledge that she will not be required to leave the house again or speak to anyone other than her ‘own little family’.

PinkButtercups · 02/09/2023 08:08

DS will be going to the same school I did and all my siblings. Don't think I'd bring it up though!

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 08:28

Sorry I seem to be picking you out @Fairydustxox i was genuinely curious. You can feel however you damn well please of course!

I can imagine how lovely it is to feel that continuity. My dd1 did the same degree as me, 35 years later, and it really did make me happy.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/09/2023 08:28

I don't think you're an evil person but I do think you're quite a small minded and bitchy one tbh.

This is just a very standard example of someone trying to make small talk (and not doing very well at it). It's really obvious, surely? She's trying to fit in and get on with people. Why would you run to the internet to tell everyone how annoying she is?

Yes its quite dull, but your instinct to go running back to Mumsnet and go: "look everybody I've found someone who's really really bad at small talk! Go me!" Nasty and lacking in self-awareness. I'm sure there are plenty of habits and behaviours you have which irritate other people which most of them have the grace to keep to themselves.

Honestly it just wouldn't cross my mind to post a sneery post on MN every time I came across someone who was trying (and not really succeeding) at making friends.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/09/2023 08:30

CurlewKate · 02/09/2023 08:01

Mumsnet does seem to absolutely hate women who find small talk easy and enjoy chatting to people. I have never understood this.

And also this.

See also the endless "Bitchy School Gate Mums" posts. How awful they are for wanting to make friends and talk to people. The brazen hussies. Don't they know the correct approach is to talk only to your "little family".

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 08:31

And yes @CurlewKate i agree. Chatting is an anathema to most MNers who either want to avoid it like the plague or analyse the arse out of a simple comment about the weather.

Fairydustxox · 02/09/2023 08:32

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 08:28

Sorry I seem to be picking you out @Fairydustxox i was genuinely curious. You can feel however you damn well please of course!

I can imagine how lovely it is to feel that continuity. My dd1 did the same degree as me, 35 years later, and it really did make me happy.

It's fine iv realized I am in the minority haha

BitOutOfPractice · 02/09/2023 08:56

Nothing wrong with being in the minority. I was genuinely interested. It’s great that it makes you happy!

ThePoshUns · 02/09/2023 09:18

Why are you following her around listening to her conversations?
Maybe you need to find some people to talk to.

Crazycrazylady · 02/09/2023 10:29

I've had a school mom friend who is a radiologist and she manages to get it into absolutely every conversation at the school gate and on what's Ap.
It's more funny at this stage than anything else . I k ow she's proud of what she does but we all know now. There is no need to keep reminding us.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 04/09/2023 03:04

MelroseGrainger · 02/09/2023 07:14

Actual bullying has the intention of making the bully feel better about themselves. The hurt to the victim is just a by product.

And of course I’m irrationally irritated by people. All the time.

Show quote history

Eating chocolate has the intention of making the eater feel better about themselves. Yet eating chocolate is not bullying.

What defines bullying is the harm intended to the target, not the bully's feelings about causing that harm.

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