To be so angry with DH about this undermining?

[Namechange1971]

So I might need some perspective here. Son is 17, fairly capable, and has done some hiking with school, and some light camping - that’s it. No experience with mountain hikes at all. Recently he and a new friend decided they wanted to walk and camp up a mountain (one of the big 3 in the uk). Said it was ok because friend’s dad has done this sort of thing before (apparently he’s a legend and has done loads of completely ‘mad’ things?)😬

Dh once hiked in an organised trip on the same mountain when he was younger and pointed out that it can be really hazardous, that he once has to step in to stop a fellow hiker sliding down a scree slope to a huge drop. So we spoke about it, agreed it sounded dodgy and that although we didn’t want to stop ds going (he’s nearly an adult after all) if he did go, DH would go as well as the other dad and they could have some fun bonding time.

No more was said and I thought it may have been forgotten about, but son came home with DH yesterday to say that actually he and friend and friends dad want to go this weekend - 2 days away - and suddenly DH is all carefully neutral and ‘well he wants to gooo…’ DH won’t be going with them, as he has a leisure activity of his own booked and won’t be changing that for anything. So I am left looking like the ogre for thinking this might not be the best idea in the world with little organisation and experience. Had a row with DH and feel that I might have lost perspective. Aibu to feel undermined and angry?

I think YABU as the friends dad will be there, 2 17 year olds going alone-maybe not. But with an adult I think it’s fine.

Agree this sounds good and sensible. Do you not trust the other dad or something?

I think you're being extremely over cautious, I think its great two 17 year olds are interested in this and they'll have an experienced adult present. Plus all three of the possible mountains it could be have safe walking routes up them.

And while I recognise the need for safety, there are no mountains in the UK which are dangerous or need specialist equipment - assuming a reasonable level of fitness they'll be up and back down in a morning.

@titchy as much as the OP is being overprotective in this case, that is very much not true at all.

is the issue actually you were ok with it, spoke to DH who then put doubts in your mind and convinced you it would be better if he went as well.

Except not that the time is here he has other plans doesn’t want to change it so has decided that the original plan is fine. Leaving you unsure what to do

Mountain Rescue would disagree.

But I suppose it explains why they're needed.

I can understand that you feel confused because DH seemed to think one thing and has changed his mind. But I do think that the plan sounds ok and I would let my son go (I have a 17yo too btw).

You’re kidding, right?

Surely going with the experienced dad is safer than going with your non experienced husband?

And while I recognise the need for safety, there are no mountains in the UK which are dangerous or need specialist equipment - assuming a reasonable level of fitness they'll be up and back down in a morning.

Not true. It is very common for people to get in serious difficulties on mountains in the UK, even people who are fit. Ask Mountain Rescue.

All mountains have risks
So do all roads but you still put the child in your car?
The drive is probably the most dangerous part of the whole trip
All uk mountains have pretty tame routes up them - perhaps talk about the route choice , make sure he has good weatherproofs and chill

Ben Nevis claims two lives a year on average, and the rescue helicopter is a daily sight in silly season.

But sure, nobody comes to harm on a British mountain.

Domestic violence however claims 2 life's a week but we don't all live in convents do we

The vast majority of deaths on the Ben will be heart attacks in the over 60 age group , snow and ice accidents and rock climbing accidents

Three experienced climbers died in Glen Coe a month ago.

Sadly my mums friend lost her student grandson on a Scottish mountain. Under prepared and no experience. The weather changed. Mountain Rescue deal with such fatalities all the time! Even experienced people get it wrong. I would have thought it was sensible to start smaller. I’m not sure you are wrong OP, but as long as the dad is experienced and very sensible, taking account of the weather and ability of your DS, then he’s probably ok. But I would think first steps should be on an easy route.

Climbers On the annoch
Not walkers

There isn't a way to walk the annoch ridge , it is a scramble / easy climb - significantly more dangerous than the walking routes up the Ben or scaffel or snowdon

https://news.stv.tv/highlands-islands/brothers-watched-dad-plunge-to-death-off-130ft-cliff-on-hike-to-ben-nevis

This.

Having walked most of the Scottish mountains - the famous ones , the popular ones are probably by far the best starting point

Well defined paths, lots of other people around

And going with an experienced person like the friends dad is far better than going as a student in a years time !

Phone the dad
Ask about the route
Check what gear he recommends

The forecast this weekend is pretty good for it

Outdoorsmagic.com
lists the UK mountains with danger areas. It also usefully lifts the mistakes hikers make. Even the Army need rescuing at times! So double check his credentials and knowledge!

Difficult one OP. I think I’d want to talk to the friends dad to find out how experienced and sensible he is - much like I’d want to talk to school about the experience of their leaders if it was a school trip. My understanding is that experience, being sensible (eg willing to turn back), and having good kit is what turns things from risky to safe. Doesn’t sound like your DH necessarily knows what he’s doing so him going or not wouldn’t be a deciding factor for me.

Thanks everyone for the honest opinions. Just to be clear, I don’t know the other dad or the friend at all - not an issue of not trusting, just not knowing at all, but hearing that he has apparently done this and has done lots of other ‘crazy’ things (that doesn’t fill me with confidence). If just feel that it is very short notice for a properly prepared mountain trip and wild camping, but perhaps I am I being too cautious.
And yes, I do find my dh’s attitude a bit hypocritical/contradictory as he is aware of the risks and i think would have gone if it wasn’t an inconvenience at short notice. We really agreed on that after a good discussion on it a month ago.

Thanks so much I’ll check it out…