To be so angry with DH about this undermining?

[Namechange1971]

So I might need some perspective here. Son is 17, fairly capable, and has done some hiking with school, and some light camping - that’s it. No experience with mountain hikes at all. Recently he and a new friend decided they wanted to walk and camp up a mountain (one of the big 3 in the uk). Said it was ok because friend’s dad has done this sort of thing before (apparently he’s a legend and has done loads of completely ‘mad’ things?)😬

Dh once hiked in an organised trip on the same mountain when he was younger and pointed out that it can be really hazardous, that he once has to step in to stop a fellow hiker sliding down a scree slope to a huge drop. So we spoke about it, agreed it sounded dodgy and that although we didn’t want to stop ds going (he’s nearly an adult after all) if he did go, DH would go as well as the other dad and they could have some fun bonding time.

No more was said and I thought it may have been forgotten about, but son came home with DH yesterday to say that actually he and friend and friends dad want to go this weekend - 2 days away - and suddenly DH is all carefully neutral and ‘well he wants to gooo…’ DH won’t be going with them, as he has a leisure activity of his own booked and won’t be changing that for anything. So I am left looking like the ogre for thinking this might not be the best idea in the world with little organisation and experience. Had a row with DH and feel that I might have lost perspective. Aibu to feel undermined and angry?

Thanks for the update OP and hope they have a great and safe time

Think you need to check your facts. There are plenty dangerous mountains in the UK. Just ask any mountain rescue team

My son and 4 of his buddies walked the West Highland Way early this summer. They did it in 7 days and they wild camped and carried all their kit. They even took overnight coach up there from London. DS and another boy had 17th birthdays whilst they were away.

We had a parents WhatsApp where they shared their beautiful photos and a couple of the boys opted to take a bus and a taxi on 2 of the days as they found they wern’t quite fit enough.

Of course I had concerns (ok, they only did one relatively tame ascent) but I made sure he was properly equipped (warms and waterproof) and that he had a charge pack for his phone. Over the years he has learned to manage risks for himself through Scouts and DofE etc. They all had an absolute ball and came home having had a trip of a life time.

Yes, mountains can be dangerous, but as long as they take sensible precautions they should be ok. These routes are quite busy and other walkers will always help out in an emergency. Try not to worry too much and send him off with your blessing. He will be fine.

Have you ever heard of Crib Goch, Aonach Eagach or Striding Edge? knife edge ridges that you can only walk one way down (so once you're on it there is no going back) with sheer drops either side. All of them are extremely dangerous and should not be attempted by beginners or novice walkers.

Reading OPs post it’s more about DH undermining her with no warning and the fact the trip is last minute. I don’t think she’s necessarily completely against a 17 year old taking a hiking trip; it’s more the circumstances here. I would also be annoyed as if DH had second thoughts they could have discussed together and then made a plan everyone felt comfortable I.e. talking to the other Dad and finding out about the plan, equipment needed etc.

I think YANBU for these reasons

Your DH agreed to a reasonable plan

Other kids dad doing loads of 'mad things' doesn't shout experience (maybe he's Mr Bean but just ends up unscathed)

However it's the summer and they're 17 so you might have to cross your fingers.
Make sure they have the kit + power bank and 112 as a contact number just in case.

Please just make sure they have a compass and paper map - and know how to read it ! Rations, torch and layers of clothing. The experience wi be amazing !

This!

I came here to say exactly this and I agree with all you say. As long as they're sticking to the recognised tourist routes, and are well enough equipped, with proper boots, liquids, enough snacks, warm and waterproof clothes if necessary, they'll be fine. Rock climbing is another matter, but it doesn't sound as if that's what they are doing. Especially with a reasonably experienced older man. There's a balance to be struck between learning how to respect the mountains, just as you have to respect the sea when doing watersports, even swimming - and making our kids too scared to be adventurous, so they go off and do far more dangerous things unsupervised.

If at 17 he is going to go ndwith supervision then surely your role is to ensure that he is properly prepared and has the right euipment and sttitude. Stopping him is not the solution. It may be uni next year! Presume hes done D of E , scouting etc. Excellent preparstion. Falling out about it is pointless.

That is complete rubbish.

And your question about not trusting the other dad; it’s clear from the first post she doesn’t know him as it’s a new friend.

I’ve walked Striding Edge and Aanogh Eagach. Very beautiful and yes not for beginners. I’ve never done Ben Nevis, but I have climbed Snowdon and Scafell Pike. They are not the most difficult and some routes are easier than others. Can’t do it anymore due to a respiratory condition, but darn, I’m glad I did.

So, I assume DS is home now. How was his trip? Did they have any problems at all?

An update would be nice.

This isn't true, but I think i would be ok with it. Perhaps speak to the friend's dad to reassure yourself.

Just a quick update in the end he went after a chat with the friend’s dad, where I asked some useful questions from all the advice on here. They were properly prepared and had a great time, whilst keeping us informed at points along the way and bringing back some fab memories and photos.
Still think DH could have handled himself better, as he later admitted that he hadn’t really intended to along at any point, but that is another issue! Thank you everyone who responded!

One of my brother's friends, an experienced mountaineer who had climbed the Alps regularly, died on a Scottish mountain. You clearly have no experience whatsoever of British mountaineering.

Unsure as to whom this message is aimed at as, for my part, the whole point of posting was to gain advice beforehand to assess the risks. I admit some responses did seem to possibly underestimate the risk, but other responses were helpful and allowed me to approach the decision with more information and to ensure the party was prepared, which they were. Personally I admit to having no experience at all, which was the entire point of posting.

I have lots of experience of mountain walking. It can be dangerous (rocks, heights, bad weather, getting lost in cloud etc) but if the other dad knows what he is doing, it should be fine. Most popular mountains have clear paths up them. However he needs the right equipment - I'm sure if you Google mountain rescue or mountain walking, you'll get an idea of what this is.

Oh, I was replying to someone who stated categorically that there were no dangerous mountains in the UK. I personally think you were being entirely rational with the caution you expressed in your first post. Hopefully the lads are safe home now.

Whoops, I realise it is all over mow! Glad all went well.

Thanks. Thank you also for taking the time to post with your knowledge of mountains (and their potential hazards) based on such sad experience.

Also, thanks again to everyone who posted and for all the advice and support. It was much appreciated. 💐