To be so angry with DH about this undermining?

[Namechange1971]

So I might need some perspective here. Son is 17, fairly capable, and has done some hiking with school, and some light camping - that’s it. No experience with mountain hikes at all. Recently he and a new friend decided they wanted to walk and camp up a mountain (one of the big 3 in the uk). Said it was ok because friend’s dad has done this sort of thing before (apparently he’s a legend and has done loads of completely ‘mad’ things?)😬

Dh once hiked in an organised trip on the same mountain when he was younger and pointed out that it can be really hazardous, that he once has to step in to stop a fellow hiker sliding down a scree slope to a huge drop. So we spoke about it, agreed it sounded dodgy and that although we didn’t want to stop ds going (he’s nearly an adult after all) if he did go, DH would go as well as the other dad and they could have some fun bonding time.

No more was said and I thought it may have been forgotten about, but son came home with DH yesterday to say that actually he and friend and friends dad want to go this weekend - 2 days away - and suddenly DH is all carefully neutral and ‘well he wants to gooo…’ DH won’t be going with them, as he has a leisure activity of his own booked and won’t be changing that for anything. So I am left looking like the ogre for thinking this might not be the best idea in the world with little organisation and experience. Had a row with DH and feel that I might have lost perspective. Aibu to feel undermined and angry?

If it’s Scafell it will put him off mountains for life. Surely going with the friends dad means he has someone experienced with him - it sounds completely fine to me.

Sounds safer to have one experienced person with two teenagers, than one experienced person with two teenagers and an unexperienced adult.

@midgemadgemodge You might be vastly experienced. The OPs DS is not. There’s a lot to check out regarding experience of the dad. Experienced walkers are non immune from making mistakes either! As the fatalities show!

Which mountain is it? There is big a difference in difficulty between Yr Wyddfa and Ben Nevis. If your son is fit and healthy, they have a map and compass and are following a popular/easier route, and the weather is good then they will be absolutely fine.

What exactly is stopping you from making contact with this other dad to check he’s real and has a plan?

Ds only let me know it was a plan for this weekend last night, so have been a bit blindsided. But yes I will make contact if ds is to go. I am no expert though so he could tell me anything and I’d just have to take his word that the experience is relevant.

I can see why someone who "does crazy things" doesnt feel like a safe person for your inexperienced 17-year-old to go up Ben Nevis with - better with someone sensible than someone desperate for adventure.
But its very unlikely that this parent would allow the group to do anything risky, if hes experienced he'll be well aware of dangers. Phone and speak to him? Tell DS he wont be going unless you can talk to the Dad first to "clarify some things".

Run it by us

What hill, what route ? Has he done it before? How much mountain experience does he have ?
How long does he think it will take ?
What emergency equipment does he automatically carry?
Is he happy that DS boots / kit is up the job ?
Has he ever turned back on a route ( if no, that's suspicious)

Did you hit your head falling down a slope?

Get your DH to talk to him then. But really if he’s got a plan that’s probably enough, he’s not going to plan an elaborate lie to take your son away for the weekend. And I don’t blame your DH for not cancelling his plans for this. He probably figured it’d be a nice weekend away with another guy and their teen sons, but obviously now it’s come up at short notice he can’t make it, but he’s recognising that your DS is not a child, is going with another adult and will be fine. It’s just a change of plans.

The average time to climb Ben Nevis is 7 to 8 hrs

Does he have boots? Good wet weather gear?

The friend's dad "doing mad things" would worry me a bit-what does that mean?

Good to know that there are no risks at all involved- I'm sure Mountain Rescue will be pleased to hear thatZ

Which mountain is it?
I wouldn’t be worried if the other dad is experienced and knows what he’s doing. BUT I would absolutely want details of the route and the location they intend to wild camp. Also their bad weather and bail-out plan. If the dad doesn’t have these, he isn’t competent. DH and I are both experienced in mountain walking and wild camping and would be competent to lead a trip like this - not everyone is.

I can’t believe someone posted that all UK mountains are “safe”. The weather can change from summer to winter in an instant. Put your foot in the wrong place and you can easily have a broken ankle miles from anywhere. Go on a mountain rescue open day and learn. There have been many fatalities and serious injuries on UK hills.

@FictionalCharacter I think your post is very sensible. Plus the kit they are taking and wearing matters.

Also 17 is still a child in the UK for lots of things. If this was a school trip there would be lots of planning, regulations to
meet, and it would be shared with parents.

If they are going with this other dad, and have an average-reasonable level of fitness, they'll be fine.

This is actually the best time of year to do something like that. The ground will be reasonably dry, there's good light and no extremes of temperature.

titchy · Today 09:22

And while I recognise the need for safety, there are no mountains in the UK which are dangerous or need specialist equipment - assuming a reasonable level of fitness they'll be up and back down in a morning.”

Don’t be foolish. Three climbers died at Glencoe just weeks ago.

What I meant was there are easy routes, no one needs ice picks and crampons on Snowden so they?

@Namechange1971 I do think you have been put in a difficult position. If it’s lads having a go at something “crazy” I would be cross about it. The web site I found is useful and will give you a steer on what to ask. Has your DS got the gear he needs? Plan to succeed I always think!

🤣 what do you Mountain Rescue do?

Well not at this time of year

But yes at other times of year even on the easy paths you would need that stuff

You are kidding aren't you. All mountains have the potential to be dangerous.

If they climb it in the middle of winter they do, yes!

https://www.walkupsnowdon.co.uk/walking-climbing-snowdon-in-winter-snow/

Do you have any experience of climbing mountains in the UK?

Yeah, a temperature range of 3-8 Celsius on Ben Nevis last night to now is lovely and cosy for a couple of teenagers and a bloke with a penchant for doing 'crazy things' to camp out in something reduced to clear from Millets.

I don’t know why you’re being coy about the mountain - it’s hardly outing to narrow it from 3 to 1!
But the important thing is the route planned, not just which mountain.
You say there’s a lack of organisation, but for someone who has walked it before, “organisation” just means digging out map and boots and charging devices.

We walk in the Peak District a lot - no big mountains, often not remotely technical - but contrary to @titchy ‘s opinion, Mountain Rescue is still active.

Thanks everyone this has really helped get a practical way forward - knowing the right questions to ask- and put the trip into some perspective. Sorry for the delay was at work, but all replies much appreciated. Didn’t mean to be coy about the mountain, just didn’t want to be too outing/embarrassing for ds!