Why can't I do the one thing that would make my life easier

[cakefortea22]

And lose weight.

It sounds shallow but everyday I struggle with what to wear. And then go around all day looking at myself in mirrors and reflections in windows and hating what I see. It's so hard to dress this body and feel confident in it. I know from experience that when I weighed less everything seemed simpler and I actually liked seeing my reflection and in photos. Now I sit down and have this massive bulge of a belly in front of me.

It's totally my own fault. As Mimi Maguire says - I am a fucking fat fuck. I love eating. I binge eat. I drink wine a couple days of times a week. I have huge portions. I love carbs. I don't know exercise. I know what I need to do to improve things but I just don't want to because I hate exercising and I love food and wine.

I see countless weight loss threads on here with people listing the fruits and veg and fish and grains they eat and I just think it sounds rubbish. Maybe it's because im not an accomplished cook but i genuinely don't know how I could make those foods feel more appealing to me than a pizza or a Chinese.

I'm starting to think it's something psychological because I don't want to be like this but literally week in week out I repeat the same behaviour. Why? Just why?

If being thin was easy, no one would be fat.

I am slim: I wasn't always. I just got to a point where I held myself totally accountable. No more excuses. No binge eating/drinking because I'd had a hard day/week or was feeling sad/stressed etc.

Just healthy eating, small portions and less alcohol because being slim, energetic and healthy became more important than the short term high of crappy food and drink.

You sound like you aren't at that point to be honest- you need to get to a point of realising that you've been making excuses, and being ready to change it.

Also the whole, 'I cant be thin because I love food and wine'.

Everyone loves food and drink. Some people decide they like being thin more.

You decide really - it's food and wine or being thin. But once you've chosen don't complain that you can't have the other thing.

I have to say that I rarely fancy say a Chinese and always prefer home made pizza - I think when you have shifted your diet to something healthier your body appreciates it and changes it's messages to you - so healthy food might not be appealing today but if you battle through you may get to the stage that you crave vegetables

A lot of the time those healthy foods aren't more appealing than a pizza or Chinese, but they are in the sense that they will make you feel good and healthy (as opposed to tasting greasy and amazing like a pizza would but making you feel like crap). The healthy food still tastes ok (and some healthy food genuinely is nice) but as pp says you need to get to the point where knowing you are eating healthily makes you feel good.

You have to get to a point in your thinking where you can prioritise the feeling of being healthy over the craving for that pizza/ Chinese.

Healthy food is not going to be anywhere near as appetising if you are used to eating processed carbs. They are addictive and it takes time to get that out of your system and distance yourself. But you can do it.

I really recommend a personal trainer as an external motivation if you struggle to do this intrinsically. It helped me so much.

I live between those two extremes. I have fun but I’m not boring either. I’m definitely fatter than the average mumsnetter no doubt but I’m nowhere near bariatric surgery yet 🤣🤣. No, seriously, I do a LOT of exercise. I eat a lot of healthy food but I also eat lots of shit food too. I don’t drink alcohol as it’s just not my thing. I don’t binge but I certainly don’t starve. Just try and find YOUR happy medium. Good luck.

I'm probably not at the point of change to be honest. I want to be slimmer and healthier but I cave in to the desire of food and booze every time so clearly at the moment I want that more.

I think it's partly to do with my lifestyle - I have young dc so I'm tired a lot and I don't really get the chance to go out and do things for myself so I view staying in and having wine or a takeaway as a treat. I look forward to it.

But I can't carry on like this forever.

You're getting a dopamine hit from eating. Try getting it from moving your body or meditation instead. Just switch on a youtube tutorial, no one else has to know. I was much happier when I accepted I was bigger than a size 14 and threw out the clothes I was going to diet to get back into. Bollocks to that. Food is good. Life is short. Good health is what matters. I can't eat out with much enjoyment now as I cook better myself at home. Take away is expensive.

It’s so true that if being thin was easy, we would all be thin.

If you are accustomed to processed foods then non processed food is going to seem hugely bland in comparison. Carbs are hugely addictive, as is salt and sugar. They also play havoc with blood sugar levels, not to mention our mood and digestive systems.

Changing your lifestyle is hard. But self loathing is so much harder. Hating yourself and the way you look is no way to live.

You have a choice to make; either make peace with yourself or dig deep and find the motivation to make life changes. Regardless of the choices you make, be kind to yourself, appreciate the body you have, and live your best life.

Are you me? I could have written your post.

I have two young children too. My favourite thing is a night in with a takeaway and bottle of wine.

It's so hard to me to get my head in the game. Once I've got the initial motivation it's easier, until I find an excuse to give it up. So it doesn't last long :( I wish it was easier. I'm
The biggest I've ever been

I am genuinely addicted to eating, specifically junk food. I want to stop and be healthy bit it's not even the slightest bit easy. And unlike other addictions I can't go cold turkey and just not eat, and people don't understand or even believe it's real

Because you have unhelpful attitudes to food and yourself.

I'm 5.5 stone lighter than I used to be. I tried everything without success. Covid hit and my life got very simple for a while. After having put on even more weight as a result of baking all the sourdough I went to GP re weight loss surgery.

I had to do Slimming world first and it worked- darn it!

This is what matters-

Organise your life so that you aren't exhausted, putting yourself last and running on empty. You can't lose weight like that. Until you do, you're trapped in a cycle of trying and failing, beating yourself up for it. Get that straight first.

Invest in your health. Take the steps necessary - a cleaner, a food delivery, whatever would help you most.

Recognise that there are no forbidden foods. You can have wine. Just not at the same time and a huge portion of garlic bread and a bar of chocolate. You can have whatever you want.

If you eat to self soothe, don't try and stop yourself. Firstly- avoid the stress that you're reacting to. Secondly- stress eat better than usual. If you used to stress eat a tube of biscuits, have five muller lights, three apples and a choc ice. Or half a tube of biscuits and a bowl of cereal.

All you need to do is eat a bit less than you used to. If you had a take away every week, have one every other week.

Don't set yourself up to fail. Set yourself up to do a bit better than you used to do.

Does it matter if you only lose half a pound this week, if you've eaten what you want and not felt hard done by?

Pay attention to some of your triggers. I realised i felt that it was unfair if I didn't have as much of the treats as everyone else. I felt I was being punished.

Now I know if I want the treats I can have them. I'm allowed. Whenever I want. I don't need to have this treat, right now, but I can if I want. Or I can have a different treat later if I want it. There's no need to fight for my share anymore.

I was fat because I ate junk. Then I developed high BP and because I hate doctors I decided to try and tackle it myself by changing my diet and eating healthy foods.

That was 2 years ago. My BP is now normal and I lost 20% of my body weight without even trying. My diet now is pretty much perfect - I eat loads of natural unprocessed food, lots of fruit and veg, nuts, seeds and pulses, small amounts of protein at every meal and only small amounts of meat. I'm not a machine though. I still eat the odd treat and drink alcohol 3 or 4 days a week.

I've been very surprised that my tastes in food have completely changed. I'm currently in recovery from stomach surgery and had to eat low fibre choices for a while - things I used to love like stodgy white bread toast with butter or mashed potato no longer appeal. A lot of the 'light diet' choices in the hospital were so salty I couldn't eat them. I 'treated' myself to a bag of Wotsits and discovered I no longer like them. I ordered a curry from my one time favourite restaurant and it was so rich and oily it made me feel nauseous.

It's worth trying the healthy stuff for a few weeks OP - you might surprise yourself.

And I completely agree it makes life easier.

It is so much easier to dress when you aren't worrying about how you look, what disguises it best!

Look into IF, OP. The only sustainable way of losing weight for me is one meal a day, delaying not denying. This way I eat what I like for dinner without restrictions. It's not for everyone, but I find eating small/disappointing portions all day and still being hungry is depressing and unsustainable for me. I'd rather be hungry during the day at points (and you do actually stop feeling that hungry) and then eat to satiety at dinner. It means meals out, takeaways are possible too.

But it then has to be a lifestyle change too.

I think when you are tired it is a vicious circle because that makes you reach for the easy things that give you a sugar high, but then they give you a worse low and you find yourself again unable to make a good choice,l.

So I’d say you have to somehow find the time to take 2 weeks to get yourself started down the path. After some time eating better hopefully you start to feel a bit less tired so making good choices no longer seems impossible. A lot easier said than done but I decided that my way of carving out that time was going to slimming world. Doesn’t work for everyone and you’ll get people saying “oh well as soon as you come off SW you gain the weight back.” That’s exactly the point SW makes. It is meant to be a permanent life change to a healthier way of eating and they emphasise that at every stage. If you lose the weight then start back on the takeaways you will of course regain the weight. That’s the other thing. Especially as you get older you need fewer calories and you just will not lose and keep it off without permanent lifestyle change.

But I don’t buy saying that you only like Chinese or other takeaway so you can’t diet. Some of the best Slimming World recipes and cookbooks are the fakeaway ones (and plenty of non SW books that do healthy takeaways like the Hairy Bikers or Pinch of Nom). You can make really good Chinese, Thai and curries in a much healthier way with less fat and more veg.

Only one other thing: you can’t do it with exercise alone, so dissociate exercise in your mind from weight loss or being allowed to eat more. It’s about improved CV fitness and wellbeing. When I got into that mindset I found it easier both to exercise more and eat less.

Some good advice in here OP.
I would add that the older we get, the more we do have to think about health, rather than just a focus on weight, which might help.
If you focus on improving the healthiness of what you eat something like 3/4 days a week at first, weight loss will be a natural symptom of eating healthier.
You’ve had such a long term diet of junk food, as PP have said, a lot of what you are battling is an addiction - the dopamine reward system and the highs from sugar too.

Honestly, while I am one of the people who bang on about benefits of keto, I don’t think it would be for you BUT a switch to lower carbs might be a really useful change. You generally will negate the sugar crashes over time and it will make a big difference.
But small and steady changes will really help.
It’s for your health, not your ‘weight’.

Slimpod. It will sort your head out. Everything else then drops into place. It's not fast, but it works.

Slimming World is too low fat to be sustainable. I know a lot of people who ended up with gallstones after following it. The gallbladders purpose is to help digest saturated fat. You literally hardly eat any saturated fat on slimming world other than eggs. The moment you then eat a fatty meal your gallbladder is sluggish and you can really set gallstones off.

Its catch 22 because being fat is a risk factor for things like gallstones but if you can lose weight sensibly whilst still incorporating fats then that’s the best way.

I would definitely try to go to bed earlier. You will feel less exhausted and less time to snack on rubbish.
I am slim but l have a physical job, l eat little and often. I am a single parent with two children.
I don't buy junk because l simply can't afford it. I only buy nourishing food, eating well is a priority for me l need to stay healthy and to keep my energy levels up. l can't afford to be off sick. I walk and cycle because l don't have a car. I don't drink because every penny goes on bills and food. This is what keeps me slim. I don't crave junk food at all. I don't feel deprived.

How is the rest of your life? Busy, demanding career? Young children? Menopause?
Address the underlying stuff and the rest will follow. I am menopausal with a ridiculous job and a demanding adult child. Something will have to give eventually as I am feeling very heavy on my feet and achy and I look forward to slowing down and travelling later in life so I will get to it. Maybe we have to find our motivation x

And bed earlier is a good suggestion.

Would it help to change the focus from weight to wellbeing? Focus on things that help your body to feel loved e.g. choosing fruit and veg that you love to eat, finding a type of exercise that you enjoy, prioritising sleep (e.g. coming up with a nice bedtime routine that you enjoy), drinking a bit less as a way of nourishing your body (e.g. alternating with a soft drink or finding a non alcoholic drink you really love or a low alcohol version). So not denying yourself but trying to focus on giving your body more of what it needs and doing so in a way that feels that you are doing the (new) things you enjoy rather than depriving yourself.

Noom! It really gets to the nub of all this and has lead to long term changes for me. I’ve lost 10kgs on it and kept it off for over a year now. I’ve also found time for exercise classes (my kids are both now in school which helps)

Ive had the mindset shift. I don’t want to eat crappy food now. When I do it’s always a disappointment.

I also gave up drinking. It’s been almost 3 years since I stopped and I don’t miss it or plan to start.

It's not just your fault, it's our food environment. Look up ultra processed people by Chris van Tulleken.