Why can't I do the one thing that would make my life easier

[cakefortea22]

And lose weight.

It sounds shallow but everyday I struggle with what to wear. And then go around all day looking at myself in mirrors and reflections in windows and hating what I see. It's so hard to dress this body and feel confident in it. I know from experience that when I weighed less everything seemed simpler and I actually liked seeing my reflection and in photos. Now I sit down and have this massive bulge of a belly in front of me.

It's totally my own fault. As Mimi Maguire says - I am a fucking fat fuck. I love eating. I binge eat. I drink wine a couple days of times a week. I have huge portions. I love carbs. I don't know exercise. I know what I need to do to improve things but I just don't want to because I hate exercising and I love food and wine.

I see countless weight loss threads on here with people listing the fruits and veg and fish and grains they eat and I just think it sounds rubbish. Maybe it's because im not an accomplished cook but i genuinely don't know how I could make those foods feel more appealing to me than a pizza or a Chinese.

I'm starting to think it's something psychological because I don't want to be like this but literally week in week out I repeat the same behaviour. Why? Just why?

Start small - of course changing everything at once is both overwhelming and doesn’t seem much fun!

But picking a couple of things to start with and sticking to it will likely make you want to do more. for example, I’m going to walk 5,000 steps a day / cut down to two fizzy drinks a week / add a portion of fruit or veg to every meal. Once you’ve done that for a while, you’ll notice benefits and motivated to keep going and add more.

I agree with other posters that your palate changes if you start cutting down on ultra processed foods - you start to naturally crave healthier food if you’ve had a lot of junk, plus you kind of notice how artificial tasting it is (hard to explain).

Just start somewhere - don’t forbid anything (often that just makes you want it more!) but try to add better things and form better habits over time. Good luck!

Me too! Before kids I could eat whatever I wanted and did and stayed very slim. Since kids - 15 years since my first I've gradually got bigger.
I have tried slimming world/calorie counting/IF and do well for a few weeks or a month then one bad day and I fall spectacularly off the wagon.
I meal plan and eat fairly healthily but evening snacks and wine had become daily.

My joints have started to hurt and I feel the same,hating how I look, hate having to decide what to wear.

I decided about 6 weeks ago to make changes that are better for health and hopefully weight loss will happen. I've started going to bed much much earlier and sleeping better. Now I feel less tired ice started tracking calories but initially only trying to cut out the evening snacks.

Previously I'd be frustrated that I didn't lose fast enough or what was the point as it will take months and months to get to my goal weight so why bother as I knew I wouldn't stick to it.
feels different this time, I've set my first goal at a weight much higher than I'd ultimately like to be but for now, I know I'd be happier if I was that weight than the weight I am now. When I get to that goal I'll set another one.

I'm no expert but I feel much less pressure and therefore if I do have something I 'shouldn't' I can track it and carry on. Its a decision I've made for a long term change. Every other time the idea of not being able to have takeaways twice a week or eat loads of chocolate every night or whatever has filled me with dread.

I'd love this thread to carry on for support.

It's not easy and is a long journey but it pays off in future health improvements, which becomes the absolute priority as we age - good luck!

Re exercise, it really can boost your mental health IF you find tge right thing for you.

I did les mills body combat at home and it gave me SUCH a high. Must start again.....

I could have written this post! However I have discovered that if I stick to good eating for one whole week, by day 7, I usually begin to enjoy it and start to question whether I really do want to eat rubbish after all. Getting to say 7 without falling off the wagon is the hard bit.

No real advice here but just to say I get you and it 100% is psychological.

If being skinny was easy, we'd all be size 8s. But the UK average is 14/16.

I think it just comes down to which you like more: looking skinny or enjoying food.
You also have to WANT to make the change - and it sounds like you haven't hit that point yet OP.

Life is hard! I'm trying to lose weight, but i'm out of the house between 6am and 8:30pm Mon-Fri and only get 30 mins lunch break so can only get a 20 min walk in at most, most days i don't have time for a lunch break at all.

Weekends i'm out 10/12 hours a day too, and i eat out with friends every weekend. I don't drink though, well i do, but thats only on camping trips. I don't drink weekly.

It's hard!! and i HATE cooking. with an absolute passion.

Try following Health With Holland if you're on insta op. She explains very clearly why it's not just about calories & in fact it's our hormones we need to get to grips with.

Don’t be hard on yourself OP. I’m much older than you but remember how utterly exhausting it was having little kids. I never knew what the phrase “bone tired” meant until then.
Literally take it one day at a time and focus on energy. Take a good multivitamin. Then each evening plan and maybe even plate up 3 healthy meals. Mostly veg/salad and protein. Put them in fridge for next day. If you eat more than the 3 meals don’t beat yourself up. At least you had the healthy food. Try again.
Take care of yourself.

I find it so much harder now its not just me. I think just me I could di beans on toast/ simple meals and control things a bit more.

But needing to feed 2 kids with different needs and lunches... it all gets overwhelming. And then I end up doing what's quick (and processed often) amd easy to overeat.

Yes I do realise that being retired and childfree does give me more time to devote to exercise. Must be hard when you don’t have time.

I’m at the point (age) now where I feel absolutely rubbish if I eat or drink the wrong things. This has been creeping up on me for years. I have IBS (d and c - joy) and actually believed I was allergic to dairy for a long time. My IBS was making me so so miserable it was ruining my life to the point where that wine and pizza wasn’t enjoyable afterwards. I also always had a headache, couldn’t get up for my alarm and was bordering on feeling clinically depressed all the time. Something had to change so I changed my diet. I couldn’t go around blaming everything else I was in denial. Yeah ok pizza tastes very nice but so does a bloody good dinner of salmon and grains if you do it right. I’m sick right now and haven’t been to the gym and I really miss it, it’s helping my MH it’s not just about my weight. Achieving something like exercise is really satisfying no one is lying about this it’s just easier to convince yourself slim active people are not really human and don’t ‘get it’ yes, they do. They just also get other things like feeling nice in the AM or enjoying fresh non processed foods too. You can be a balance of both worlds. I know it’s hard when you are in denial about this but it’s trapping you in a mindset that’s not helping you

TBH, I doubt that you have no time at all to exercise. That sounds like an excuse

But, for weight loss, what you eat is more important than exercise anyway. I hope that some of the tips on this thread work for you

Some things that might help:

Make a list of other instant 'treats' you could give yourself at the end of a tiring day, that aren't food and drink - a really deep bubble bath or a quick shower if that's all there's time for, but with lovely scented shower gel. A magazine or beach-read novel. A mini binge of your favourite songs from your teen years on You Tube or a long clip of your favourite comedian's stand up show or episode of your favourite sit com. Start associating the end of the day unwind with something else (maybe as well as food for now, but do it first, as the signifier that DC are in bed and it's grown up time.

Do microscopic addition exercise - squats when you brush your teeth, high knees or marching while the kettle boils. Do some small extra activity with dc every day for 10 mins - dancing in the kitchen or having a tickle tournament which involves running around a bit. Give them piggy backs and 'horse' rides - anything weight bearing or a bit more physical than normal. Jump in puddles, take them for a walk in the woods or to the playpark after school. Doesn't have to be for long, but extend it by a couple of minutes a day each week.

And make a list of any treat foods and drink you like that happen not to have many calories - diet coke or sugar free sodas, ice lollies, a bowl of home made popcorn sprinkled with smoky paprika and salt etc. Then keep those in stock and stop buying snack foods.

Find lower calorie versions of favourite foods. There's loads of Chinese style food you could eat that isn't fatty - 5 spice pork with egg fried rice or chicken with ginger and stir fried veg. Look up some Slimming World recipes. They do a great carbonara for a fraction of the usual calories.

I am not trying to minimise the extent of exhaustion from looking after young children. Been there done that et cetera. But sugar and carbs make you sluggish. You'd have more energy if you ate mainly plants and protein.

Regarding exercise: it can seem like a mountain that you simply cannot climb - but once you start you'll often find that you are energized, and you're able to do more than you thought possible. Like many things we do, it becomes a habit or something you just do.

Try some short and gentle stretching to begin with, like this:

"TBH, I doubt that you have no time at all to exercise. That sounds like an excuse"

You can doubt it all you want but working and having kids means that I am pretty busy. The nearest gym/pool is a 20 minute drive away. I genuinely would struggle to find time in the average day to do a 40 minute round trip and hour workout unless I got up earlier. Which I could I suppose.

It's not an excuse. I'm not here to make excuses. I've acknowledged I'm greedy, unhealthy and not very proactive. But the lack of time to exercise is one of the genuine parts of my lifestyle.

Well the exercise can come later, it's not necessary to lose weight. You can lose all that weight through no additional time investment on your part, just through your diet. But I think some people do have to reach a kind of crisis point, an inciting incident where they realise it really does need to change, and perhaps you haven't reached that yet.

I never used to like exercising at home so I kept on telling myself that I’d go to gym once the pandemic was over. Spoiler - the pandemic lasted over 2 years and my weight skyrocketed.

As pp have suggested doing a few mini exercises -eg. A few bursts of 10 minute dancing or stretches throughout the day can really help. Or a 15 minute walk at lunch and in the evening or morning. That is all exercise.

I used to think I don’t have time for exercise working two jobs but then I was embarrassed by my working full time with 4 kids (3 in primary school/nurses) and busy social life best friend who works out 3 times a week at the park or gym 😂so I realised I had the time although it was difficult, it was about choices.

True, exercise isn’t necessary for weight loss but it’s good for overall mental and physical health and sleep hygiene which can all enhance your life as well as boost weight loss . Perfectly acceptable to focus on diet alone first though.

Ultimately, it’s a choice.

I've finally had a very obvious revelation today.
Losing weight is hard, really really hard, there's no magic solution and it will take a long time!
At the beginning of Covid I weighed 10st 8, today I weigh 10st 10. The amount of times I've started a diet in those years and given up and I'm pretty much the same. I think about food constantly and stress about what I should and shouldn't be eating just to stay the same weight!

Honestly you don't need a gym. Walk around the block, with or without kids. People think they need fancy gyms, they don't. A YouTube video is another great free resource .

You don’t need a gym to lose weight you have to change your diet

@cakefortea22 how about giving intermittent fasting a go? I have never been able to diet for similar reasons to you but I LOVE IF. The 5:2 fast diet is a popular one, there sis a good board on here for it.

Delay, don’t deprive all the way. 😊

OP I'm going to do intermittent fasting again, it does work.
This is what I do -

Brunch at 12pm, something like scrambled eggs, cooked tomatoes, feta, spinach and some salmon.
Snack at 3pm - veg sticks and hummus. Mayba a biscuit or 2.
Dinner at 6.30 Low carb ish
Snack at 7.30 maybe fruit and yoghurt or some dark chocolate.

Then just water, black tea or black coffee until 12pm the next day.