Why can't I do the one thing that would make my life easier

[cakefortea22]

And lose weight.

It sounds shallow but everyday I struggle with what to wear. And then go around all day looking at myself in mirrors and reflections in windows and hating what I see. It's so hard to dress this body and feel confident in it. I know from experience that when I weighed less everything seemed simpler and I actually liked seeing my reflection and in photos. Now I sit down and have this massive bulge of a belly in front of me.

It's totally my own fault. As Mimi Maguire says - I am a fucking fat fuck. I love eating. I binge eat. I drink wine a couple days of times a week. I have huge portions. I love carbs. I don't know exercise. I know what I need to do to improve things but I just don't want to because I hate exercising and I love food and wine.

I see countless weight loss threads on here with people listing the fruits and veg and fish and grains they eat and I just think it sounds rubbish. Maybe it's because im not an accomplished cook but i genuinely don't know how I could make those foods feel more appealing to me than a pizza or a Chinese.

I'm starting to think it's something psychological because I don't want to be like this but literally week in week out I repeat the same behaviour. Why? Just why?

You haven't the slightest idea of the immense lifelong struggle many people face. What a trite, glib statement. A fucking decision? 🙄 Also, no, everyone does not love food.🙄🙄

Could you be sensitive to gluten? If so you probably don't digest nutrients efficiently and so crave more food. So many products contain gluten - another good reason to avoid UPFs which are generally full of it.

If you're a night time binger (me), a friend suggested to clean your teeth after supper. Psychologically it signals the end of food for the night. We load ourselves with unnecessary calories through the evening so if you can cut those out it would help. And as other PPs have said, early nights.

Also get some clothes which fit you even if they are three sizes bigger than you'd like! Feeling like a bursting sausage in your slightly too small jeans is so demoralising you reach for a biscuit just to cheer yourself up! If you're wearing something slightly too big it's so much more flattering than the obviously too tight. Also some pretty flowing scarves to jazz things up.

If you're short of cash, charity shops are great for all that and if the clothes are pence, you can cut them and alter them to suit your own personal style. I'm no needlewoman but have managed to make dresses into tops, jeans into cut offs, and so on. You don't feel so bad throwing them out when you achieve goal weight if you haven't spent loads!

This is a really helpful thread, I'm just placemarking to read later.

No, it's nothing of the sort. Might be easy to you. To many it's a lifelong struggle.

Sleep was my biggest help in weight loss and stopping smoking.
Or shall I say going to bed early and then reading until I fell asleep.
It honestly helped so much.

I love a pain au chocolate but it would not fill me up at all.
I would rather have something like scrambled egg on toast which is around the same calories but would satisfy me much more.

My entire thing was about going to bed as early as I could.
Eating as much food as I could within a calorie limit.
And keeping busy so you don’t have time to mindlessly snack eg go for a walk, do a workout, clean, read a book, download a game on your phone, paint your nails etc.

If I’m craving a snack for comfort then I’ll just have a hot drink.

I used to be obese and would struggle for clothes, constantly check my reflection, hating what I saw, exactly as you describe.

I lost all the extra weight, now size 8/10, and I admit I still constantly check my reflection and focus on my fat stomach (nothing I can do, lose skin).

I think confidence is 100% a mindset, I wish I could say losing the weight helped but I don't think my self esteem is any better.

I've only read the first page but posting to come back to later.

I'm v obese and need to change but it's got to the point I don't know how to. I am exhausted (ME/cfs) and have moved to a beige diet pretty much out of convenience and don't really know what to eat differently.

I think I have adhd (asked the Dr for a referral)and find organising/planning so hard. So I think my battles are - knowing what to eat differentlt/ having headspace to have that food in and prep it!
It feels overwhelming.

My body is not liking being this size though and I want to stop. I really could do with help tbh.

i’ve only scanned the thread - but I agree with everyone that is saying get more sleep.

I got trapped in a cycle for a while of being constantly tired - and carbs are an easier energy fix than finding the time for sleep.

I got stuck in a cycle of caffeine / carbs / wine / sleep deprivation.

I wasn’t hugely fat - but I was miserable. And if DH suggested we cut out the Friday pizza I was murderous!

I decided I was going to tackle one thing at a time and made a plan to sleep better. It took about 3 weeks and I was averaging an extra hour a night. Then everything else seemed so much more manageable.

I have lost the weight now - but I could NOT have motivated myself to do so without the sleep first.

I like looking at it like, the Evil Gut Biome requesting more shit. And you have to train it to like healthy things. Wean it off the junk gradually. Drink a big glass of water before each meal.
It is doable.

I’m doing this right now too, about 11 weeks in. I’ve lost about a stone and 3 inches from my waist - I’ve achieved the same weight loss and more (and quicker) in the past but the difference this time is huge. It’s really fixing my relationship with food, I’m sleeping better (when toddler allows), and I actually want to move/ exercise these days rather than feeling like I ‘have’ to.

Food wise the changes have been fairly effortless, the bingeing just stopped and hasn’t really come back yet (I had one night recently where I ate a full ‘grab bag’ of Maltesers which made me panic a bit but I stopped, and the next day was back to mostly healthy choices rather than spiralling into ‘oh well I’ve blown it now I’ll just keep eating everything in sight’). Generally though I’ve actively wanted healthier stuff and whilst I’ve not lost my sugar cravings, they’re far more easily either ignored or satisfied with just a small amount these days.

worth looking into OP - there’s a current thread on here about it if you do a search.

@Holly60 thanks for your posts here, I'm at that point I think, of being slim and healthier having more sway than wine and snacks.

I've read the thread now. It is so helpful. Tbh I have wondered about surgery (I don't want it but I wondered if nothing else would work) I am fairly desperate.

I also wondered about ozempic but haven't been to the Dr to ask.

I would love to be able to get sorted. This thread has been so helpful. Often. Mn ones seem judgemental.

I'd really like to keep the thread going for support.

My biggest issue currently is I can't seem to plan food. If I could I can get tesco to deliver...and then it needs to be not too difficult as I'm exhausted.

Like any exhaustion is part of my puzzle. I wasn't sleeping and now take drugs to help sleep- but these increase appetite. I'm less anxious than I was a Yr ago... so they work but I'm still mentally exhausted a lot. (Likely neurodivergent and some background trauma I've had counselling for...)

Also being v overweight is exhausting. I can't move like I used to. I so want to eat better to feel better.

Ok I’ll bite.

You’re the product of your environment.

the world is geared to make us fat and sick so we are on medication and make all of the companies supplying the food and drugs mega rich.

you want the shit food because it’s genuinely addictive.

I find if you start with shit, you carry on the rest of the day. So why not start with a healthy breakfast each day? And that is NOT granola or other shit cereal. It’s eggs, and steak, and green veggies. I personally have some form of egg on toast every day - the worst food I eat day to day is bread (ultra processed shit) but it’s how I like my eggs so I suffer it (and I like bread).

also, try some recipes. I’ve just discovered this lady and it all looks really delicious, I’m trying a few of her recipes this week.

https://simplehomeedit.com/

also, ultimately you need to remember that you’re on a path to diabetes, cancer and alzheimers if you don’t change your life. Being slim has fuck all importance compared to your future health.

Also.

I get stuck on "plan a healthy week of food" as I don't know what healthy looks like..... really.

Some of the intuitive eating types said "no food is bad" and I followed that a it too literally. It's clear intuitive eating hasn't worked for me unfortunately. I need guidance!

So much to read and process on here, I'm so grateful to all those who have offered advice.

I would love more sleep. I would love the time to walk more or go swimming or go to the gym. But I just don't. My days are crammed with work and kids. I could workout at home I guess but I've never been any good at that, it's just not the right environment for me, I can't focus. It sounds like an excuse but it's true:

Yep same here. Although my size means exercise is now actually hard.

I'd like to focus on eating better as I'm scared of health implications and lack of movement now.

One simple thing I’ve successfully done is cut down evening snacking by having a herbal tea when I go to the kitchen in search of chocolate. I don’t particularly like the taste (still trying different flavours) but it fills me up and stops the craving in its tracks.

It’s only been a couple of weeks so early days yet but I feel like it’s a sustainable switch and a good place to start.

I like proper, home-cooked food with vegetables and healthy stuff, and dh and I are good cooks, but I'm still overweight. Not massively, but enough to make me choose my clothes carefully and be self-critical when I look in the mirror. I am overweight because I eat bigger portions than I should, and I have a sweet tooth. But I'd no doubt be a lot bigger if my meals were junk and takeaways rather than good food.

If you dislike the idea of exercise and proper food, I think you have to do a bit of 'fake it till you make it'. Try some nice recipes. Go for brisk walks. Start small. Eating crap gives you less energy, not more.

There's a big difference between eating junk and eating good food. Chinese takeaways and pizzas have massive quantities of calories, salt and sugar. They'll give you a huge high and then you'll crash and want to eat more. Which is exactly what will give you diabetes in later life. Eating fresh vegetables, wholegrains, plus a protein like fish or chicken, will change your life. Avoid supermarket bread and cereals, they're also full of salt and sugar. It's not difficult.
Drinking some wine a couple of times a week is neither here nor there. A brisk walk every day won't hurt. That's all.

“Sleep was my biggest help in weight loss and stopping smoking.
Or shall I say going to bed early and then reading until I fell asleep.
It honestly helped so much.”

Agreed. Sleep played a massive role in my weight journey . For me lack of sleep wasn’t a choice - I struggled with insomnia in the early months of the pandemic and that continued for years. Think average of 4 hours a night and some nights not sleeping at all. It was grim and affected my mental health so much.

If you’re not getting enough sleep your body will burn less fat and you’ll have more cravings for high sugar /high fat foods and you may struggle to function then next day which affects your ability for exercise. And then that all contributes to higher stress levels which also affect our food choices. So no we don’t all have the same struggle re. Managing weight and resisting temptation.

It’s not easy at all. One thing that helped me was trying out a variety of ways to lose weight - I started out doing online slimming world with a friend and going to the gym twice a week and lost nearly a stone in a few months. During that time I did order takeaways a lot but it went from daily to a couple of times a week. I enjoyed doing a week weigh in with my friend every week over the phone and we’d discuss how it all went. I tried cambridge diet next - wasn’t for me at all and then eventually circled back to the basics:

working out every day for half an hour (walking, YouTube videos, running etc)

Reducing takeaways to once a month ( I was eating then almost daily in lockdown)

reducing the sugary /unhealthy foods I bought - if I don’t have easy access to it there’s less temptation.

making sure I had healthy-ish “fast food” to hand eg. Frozen veggie burgers, frozen fruit for smoothies, bread in the freezer and tins of beans and eggs.

The daily exercise and less sugar helps me sleep and sleeping better means I’m able to exercise more and had less cravings.

I haven’t been consistent but over 18 months I’ve lost about 2 stone and 5 inches off the waist and my body fat percentage reduced by about 10 %. I take BMI with a huge pinch of salt but I’m now overweight as opposed to being in the obese zone. I have one more stone to lose before I’m at a healthy BMI and about 7% more bodyfat and 2 inches off my weight to lose.

The changes I’ve made have been so gradual and are so integrated in my life that I see little chance of putting all the weight back on as so many seem to do.

This is what happened to me. After eating healthily for a few months (for health reasons in the end, I felt forced to) I didn't even want the foods I used to crave. Even 'yummy' treats like takeaways or sweets now mostly either taste bland or over-flavoured and unsatisfying. And my weight, sleep, blood pressure and overall outlook on life has never been better.

When the kids were small this would have been tough to do though so please don't be too hard on yourself. Looking after yourself and looking after little ones is really hard work. 😘

OP, you mentioned bingeing well I can’t speak for you but I am pretty sure I had binge eating disorder. I’d Regularly eat entire family sized cakes and/ or order multiple takeaways a day, eat entire packets of biscuits in one sitting etc. I once ordered a 12 dozen of Krispy Kreme and ate most of them myself within one evening. Yep!

I still do that sort of thing occasionally but it’s far less frequent
….journaling, reading, movement, walking and therapy (including self-therapy) can all help with dealing the emotions you are trying to mask instead of eating your feelings/stress.

@Hairobsessed123

Saturated fat isn’t great for gallstones once they have developed. They develop because fat women often cycle between eating too much of it along with processed food and then too little of it (in the form of diet and weight cycling). Another additional factor in their development is an ultra processed diet and one that lacks fibre. Saturated fat doesn’t actually cause them. It will certainly aggravate them though once they’ve been formed.

A diet that includes full fat meat, dairy, fruit and vegetables is very unlikely to cause gallstones. The incidence of gallstones went through the roof when we all dropped fat and viewed it like it was the devil. So much misinformation around ir all.

I wouldn’t even worry about exercising right now.

Obviously the more you exercise the better you feel which is helpful for weight loss but you need to focus on what you put into your body first of all.

You’re exhausted because you are eating crap and probably restricting your calories too much, which leads to binging on unhealthy food.

One of the biggest surprises of weight loss for me was my energy levels.
I think it was mainly because I fuelling my body in a better way and also because I started feeling better about myself which gave me more energy.

I am ND and grew up in a home that didn’t eat meals, so food planning is something I’ve always struggled with.

I googled some recipes (Pinterest, Asda, aldi, goodfood etc) and spent a while going through them and saved my favourites - the ones that looked nice, easy to prepare and not many ingredients/too costly.

I think I actually used MN threads for most of my recipes as there are often threads about what to have for dinner etc.
I did this for 3 meals a day.

I then had the exact same meals on the same days each week.
I would even have the same meals a couple of times a week.
Just having the same meal plan is so much easier to cope with and to shop for.

Once I then got confident with that, I would add a new meal in every now and then.

Just keep it as simple as you possibly can.
Planning ahead made everything so much easier.
It takes some time to think about what meals and snacks you’ll have but once you’ve planned it then just keep it the same every week.
I actually think this is what a lot of normal families do.

Oh and i absolutely would start with exercise as exercise is often the catalyst for “change”.

It can give your the spark, boost, motivation, mind click moment that you need. It may also improve your well-being.