Why can't I do the one thing that would make my life easier

[cakefortea22]

And lose weight.

It sounds shallow but everyday I struggle with what to wear. And then go around all day looking at myself in mirrors and reflections in windows and hating what I see. It's so hard to dress this body and feel confident in it. I know from experience that when I weighed less everything seemed simpler and I actually liked seeing my reflection and in photos. Now I sit down and have this massive bulge of a belly in front of me.

It's totally my own fault. As Mimi Maguire says - I am a fucking fat fuck. I love eating. I binge eat. I drink wine a couple days of times a week. I have huge portions. I love carbs. I don't know exercise. I know what I need to do to improve things but I just don't want to because I hate exercising and I love food and wine.

I see countless weight loss threads on here with people listing the fruits and veg and fish and grains they eat and I just think it sounds rubbish. Maybe it's because im not an accomplished cook but i genuinely don't know how I could make those foods feel more appealing to me than a pizza or a Chinese.

I'm starting to think it's something psychological because I don't want to be like this but literally week in week out I repeat the same behaviour. Why? Just why?

OP I am so like you, even when I saw the thread title I mentally thought lose weight. There is not one minute of one day that I don't feel the awareness of my overweight body. 24/7 I think of it. And yet I don't change. I do try but never quite enough. I've stopped gaining but thats it and at thats something to be proud of I suppose. 8 years ago I was at a good healthy weight after spending 3 years losing consistently. They weren't a miserable 3 years, I was only losing a little bit at a time, yet 1lb or so a month over 3 years is a new body and a whole new life, and I dont remember even working that hard for it. Yet here I am back where I started. I regained during covid and never got back in control.

I agree with PPs, the issue is not your food or weight, the issue is well being. You need to find a way to feel less exhausted and I don't just mean physically. I'll bet you don't have the mental energy to say no, people make it sound simple but it takes a lot out of a person. You are also using food as the only thing to look forward to, your sense of deprivation is stronger than your sense of the positive effects of losing weight. The hardest thing is when you start making changes and it takes so long to see any benefit, thats why I keep giving up. Its not fair to be fat and hungry!!

I think maybe make 1 change thing, focusing more on energy levels rather than weight and see if you 'enjoy' feeling better, and hopefully you will feel positive enough to make another change. These big life overhauls that we see in the media don't work for most people. Thats what I'm trying to do now, 1 little new habit every 3 weeks or so to reduce stress levels and make myself happier and i'm hoping the weight loss or motivation for weight loss will follow.

Society is fatphobic but in reality there is nothing wrong with being a bit podgy so long as it does not affect your health.

Learn to love yourself.

Have a look at TarynTruly on Instagram. She is a UK size 18 and looks so stylish and polished.

instagram.com/taryntruly?igshid=NzZhOTFlYzFmZQ==

It's called willpower. We all love eating and drinking. It's fab! You'll always be fat unless you decide otherwise.

I’ve never struggled with my weight.

I’ve had a Portuguese custard tart, 3 choc biscuits and 2 large slices of M&S chocolate cake today, as well as two meals.
But those meals were mainly veg and protein.
I’m always active and other than a sweet tooth, I eat very healthy, fresh, veg filled meals.

I don’t enjoy takeaways at all - they are never nice and leave you feeling horrid.

If you’re used to eating processed food, you will find it very hard to change.
You simply have to cut it out. Cutting down is too hard.

Make the decision and stick to it, or accept you are how you are and always will be.

Chris Pratt used to be fat, now he's not. He changed his diet and said before eating was great but in-between he felt like crap. Now eating is boring but in-between he feels great.

That resonated with me. There's a tipping point when you've just had enough of feeling like crap all the time. When you hit that you'll do something to get the weight off.

It’s not just one thing you need to do, it’s a massive undertaking that will require countless small steps towards a large goal that’s months & years in the making. You might have emotional issues tied to the bingeing. You should see a therapist first, to find out what’s behind this. Then have a real conversation with yourself if you really want to be healthy. You say you do but all your actions say you don’t. What stopping you? Maybe it’s something you’re afraid of? Perhaps it’s tied to a trauma? Therapy will bring it all out. Try that first and then you’ll have the tools to work on your physical heath next.

Ooo i like reading things like this thank you!

Junk food and alcohol is addictive to everyone.
I could easily polish a family size bag of crisps and chocolate and a bottle of wine now.
It's bloody hard, but I don't, as being fat made me so so unhappy.....it's that thought which gives me the immense will power needed to hold back.

This is good advice

And the award for most unhelpful & patronising comment goes to.....

Trying to eat healthier is very difficult. I am like you (possibly) and don't do well with anything that requires moderation or will power. What helps me is:

1. Intermittent fasting: I can't control portion size or resist food I like but I can get myself to just not eat in the morning. You can start with 12h if fasting (which would be what everyone does anyway as it's like fasting from 8pm to 8am) and then slowly increase the time till you are fasting for about 14-16h.

1. Lots and lots of fibre, water and protein so you don't get hungry. Flax seeds or chia seeds are really good at curbing your hunger.

1. Exercise. It's not the most effective way to lose weight and won't work on its own but for me when I exercise it gets me into a healthier mode and then I am more motivated to eat healthier or reduce my portions

1. Eat your pizza or take away but maybe also have a big salad with it or a big bowl of vegetables. I always do the microwave steam packs of vegetables. Super easy to make.

1. I am better at abstinence than dieting. So currently I don't have anything with added sugar. In the beginning it was tough but now I don't create sweets anymore or I have fruits.

Good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's not easy.

My advice would be to just try and reduce your portion size, but still eat things you like. After a while you’ll get used to smaller portions and they will satisfy you. I’ve found this works better than dieting and trying to hugely change what I eat, because that’s so hard to stick to. Just try and reduce by about a 3rd. Just moving more does help. If there’s an exercise you don’t hate, waking, swimming etc then give that a try.

just cutting down portions you’re likely to loose some weight and once you can see the changes it does motivate you to try a bit harder. I’ve been loosing weight for several months by just eating less and moving more. I’ve found that I now actually quite enjoy a gym class and that’s not something I would have said 4 months ago. I also physically can’t eat as much as I used to - I’m on holiday this week and was surprised to find I can’t gorge I like I could and actually now don’t like feeling over full.

Lol, the average mumsnetter only says they’re that slim and healthy!!!

One thing is having veg , salad and meat on your plate. It just takes longer to cut them up and balance them on your fork than ,say, scoffing a pizza.

Imo it's because eating meets a need that means more to you than losing weight.

Only when you want to lose weight more than you want the - comfort? Of eating will you be in the right place to lose weight. Something has to click in your brain so you go thats it, I'm not doing this any more. I don't want this any more.

Same with smoking. You can only succeed once you have that "I am DONE with this" moment.

I’d echo other posters in suggesting that you ADD stuff into your meals.

Start your meals with a huge salad, or a big pile of garlicky green beans. any kind of veg combo you like

Try for 2 portions of fruit/ veg a day and build up to 5 or more.

I read on MN years ago that if we all ate 10 portions of fruit and veg a day, we’d rarely be overweight.

Fill yourself with some good stuff first. You may find you have less room for the ‘less good’ stuff.

Im delighted that ultra processed food is now getting the attention it needs as you’re not alone @cakefortea22 . It has been proven to be incredibly addictive.

You are not a ‘fucking fat fuck’! You are a tired mum of small children, it’s an exhausting period of life and very easy/common for health to take a backseat.

When I was in a similar situation I remember Kate Moss making that comment that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. I was one of the people laughing at that and thinking she’s obviously not tasted M&S profiteroles, but then I got healthy and I kind of agree with her. But not that nothing tastes as good as ‘skinny’ feels, but instead as good as ‘healthy’ feels. Once I’d experienced feeling and looking so much better then the appeal of healthy food and exercise increases.

If you’d told me 10 years ago I wouldn’t have wanted wine/takeaways anymore I wouldn’t have believed it.

Best of luck - take it slowly, and good habits will be more likely to stick.

I love food and wine, and I’m a healthy weight, it’s very possible. I have rules like no drinking in the week at home, I reduce recipes portions so we don’t overeat. I only buy food for our meal plan, plus fruit and veg snacks. I feel like you’re making excuses. Loving food doesn’t have to be a takeaway, in fact most takeaways I think are disgusting. I’d rather make myself some fresh pasta and sauce, or even scrambled egg on sourdough. Read Tim Spectors books, it will change your mindset about ultra processed food. Focus on how you feel rather than weight loss. Don’t see it as deprivation, see it as nourishing and respecting your body.

And find an exercise you enjoy, and it won’t be hard. It doesn’t have to be the gym - look at dance classes, hiking, cycling, swimming, even gardening!

I know nothing about Chris Pratt but I think this is pretty bang on. Certainly in the early days it's not the case that healthy food gives the immediate boost that junk food does, but you feel less claggy and crap in between meals!

You definitely do change your taste buds though - I used to drink nothing but squash and fizzy drinks. Weaned myself onto water a few years ago, and if I have squash or pop now it's so sweet it makes me feel a bit sick. The same would happen for food I'm sure, but for me at least that's mostly just an untested theory...!

I'm starting to think it's something psychological because I don't want to be like this but literally week in week out I repeat the same behaviour. Why? Just why?

I suggest reading Ultra Processed People by Chris can Tulleken. He mentions some interesting research about genetic predispositions around food and eating behaviour (as well as all the stuff about how ultra-processed food messes with your natural appetite and metabolism to make you feel hungrier after you've eaten)

But your M&S cake, custard tart and biscuits are processed food!

Ozempic?

I think this is the wisest post on weight loss I ever read on MN!

OP I’d buy a copy of Rangan Chatterjee’s Loose Weight feel great - it’s not a diet book just a general healthy eating guide, he talks a lot about the fact that for some people weight management is simply harder, with some good simple ideas on how to manage stress.

You may also want to get some therapy support with the binge eating, or some people find Overeaters anonymous helpful.

As a start, please try not to talk negatively about yourself, it simply makes change so much harder. Some people develop addictive behaviour around food, and some food is designed to be addictive - this does not make you a bad person.