My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

[Cynicaltheorist]

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

I thought you said you were sociable and happy to welcome guests op, so welcome your guest and make him a sandwich 🥪 🙂 Don't be rude when it's your partner who told this guy it was fine yo turn up now. Your anger at responses here is very much misplaced and should be aimed at your partner.

I don't think your guest is the CF here. He's asked your partner and your partner has agreed.

It's your partner who is the CF, the guest is caught in the middle of you two. Try growing up and being polite to the person you invited into your home. That poor man 😯

The OP literally asked him not to spend all afternoon in the house, but to go out and get food/see a film while she works.

And he flatly ignored her. In her own home.

He is just as much a dickhead as her partner is here.

But her partner said it was okay to stay. Like I said, he's caught between them both.

If this bloke is doing a training thing with the company your husband works for tomorrow , what sort of Mickey Mouse set up is it that doesn't get him a hotel room for the night ?

He had a choice. He chose to disregard the OP. In her own home.

I just want to say that I'm glad you feel safe, OP, but I was seriously assaulted by a man who I thought I was safe with, because my husband knew him. My husband also thought this man was okay and no danger to anyone. We were both very wrong.
I try not to live my life in fear, but I am cautious. I don't think that's unreasonable.

Clearly you have not watched any, or enough, random stalker mystery movies (like I have 😄) I doubt the posters you’re talking about have watched any of those either, they’re just being sensible and looking out for you. I don’t understand why you’re as angry at them as with having to deal with this guy. You kind of implied you were a little concerned about being alone in your house with a stranger when you said you really didn’t want to be there with him before your husband got home. So that might be where the concern stems from. Anyway, I would have been very aggravated to get this guy dumped on me 5 hours early. Probably wouldn’t have answered the door 😉

If your partner was 'cornered' into taking this guy on, it's on him, not you. Ultimately your error was not to say to your partner that he would have to be there to host no matter what the time of arrival, or tell the guy to meet him somewhere.

Just say to the man that you are busy and he is welcome at the agreed hour. Make sure that your dp is home before letting the person in. Make sure that your dp does everything.

He sounds very aggravating. Your husband that is. The random man sounds like an entitled twat.

I'd be furious too, OP.

You've handled it really well. Bloody annoying to deal with him at all though. Hope you have a good night out tonight!

👏👏👏

Why are you furious at people on here who are only showing their concern for you? That seems misplaced

Correct.

No, this is bullshit. He isn't 'caught in the middle'.

The partner's view does not override the OP's, because the partner isn't actually fucking there. Any decent man would recognise that the OP was uncomfortable with the situation, and politely find a cafe so he could leave the OP in peace.

Is the hobby WarHammer?

NORMALLY sociable and happy to welcome guests, is what the OP said. Did you conveniently 'not notice' that part?
Not when she's working and he's five hours early and, honestly, not someone who sounds like a 'priority' guest anyway.

OP, you're quite right to be furious – at both your partner for blithely letting this bloke arrive so early rather than telling him to absolutely NOT arrive while you're busy, and for the man himself for preferring to avoid traffic over not inconveniencing you.

I would do as you're doing and fuck off out as soon as your partner gets home. You have nothing at all to apologise to either of them for.

To the PP who said the OP is a stroppy twat – hi! Here's another one.

Don't be rude to him but do explain that unfortunately you weren't expecting him till later so the house won't be available until 7, however if he needs to dump his bags..

I don't understand why you felt unable to insist on him leaving your house.
You say "he was already lying down on the bed I didn't have much choice".

This level of entitled CF-ery is why so many PPs suggested not letting the guy in the door in the first place. He turned up in a car - he therefore had a safe place to keep his luggage until 7pm. And somewhere he could nap if he wanted to.

I wish you could've been more assertive with him. He sounds like the sort of dude who could do with hearing a woman say "NO" and mean it, someone who needs to be forced to respect someone's stated boundaries rather than ignoring/ trashing them. It's a pity that he's going to sail forward after today and continue treating people (or maybe just women/ people he thinks of as 'less important' than him?) like this.

Yeah that ship has sailed....

The OP isn't right to be furious with posters who have offered empathy.

If an acquaintance told you to go to their house, but when you arrived their partner or child (who you've never met before) was at home alone, and they asked you to wait at a cafe rather than coming in - what would you do?

You wouldn't waltz in, saying, "Well X said it was fine!" and ignore their discomfort in their own home, would you? No.

So why is it fine for a man to do it? Why are men given a free rein to ignore reasonable request from a woman in her own home, and then defended by people claiming he's "caught in the middle"?