My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

[Cynicaltheorist]

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

I think Johnny meant she seemed stroppy because she attacked posters who were trying to empathise by suggesting they'd feel unsafe in her situation. Not stroppy because she was angry at her husband/random house guest.

YANBU. The man’s a rude ignorant prick, and so’s your partner for doing this to you. WFH just isn’t seen as “real work” by some people, as nobody would have expected YOU to leave the office and look after your partner’s guest who’d turned up 5 hours early. Prats, both of them!

I disagree with these posts. Yes he was early but he didn’t just turn up. He politely phoned and your partner was the one who told him to go straight to the house. He could easily have said ah sorry , too early both working, try the cinema or something.

I would have been polite to him, because 100 percent he only actually arrived at your home at that time as your partner told him to

Why are people saying you’re being unreasonable?
A guest that you don’t know (but obviously you’re not expecting him to be a serial killer!) turns up 5 hours early and has a bloody lie down!
You were perfectly reasonable to expect him to go out - he should feel ashamed for just having a lie down - you are not a hotel.
Good for you for going out later - I think that’s a genius idea. Just make sure the men don’t tag along.

You are not hotel and room service.

Tell him, that his attitude has already pissed you off enough. He needs to leave immediately.

Then tell your partner where to stick it.

Bloody hell, you’re a bit blasé about security. They don’t know this bloke. She’s on her own in the house and even needs to shower and change.
no way would I be letting in a strange man into my home without having met and got to know him first, or with the parenteral being there who invited him

I would be furious. This man has ignored every request you have made for his own convenience. Your home is not a hotel and you are not a maid. I would be having very strong words with my partner if I were you, OP. He shouldn't invite strangers to your home because you have no idea if you can even tolerate them! This guy is obviously a prick and yet you are being expected to deal with him. Fuck that.

I hope your husband seriously, seriously grovels OP. Yes the guest is cheeky but your DH bloody made it acceptable knowing full well you’re working and not prepared to host. I’d be absolutely livid.

What a fucking shitshow.

I hope you have a lovely, relaxing evening with your friend and your partner apologises later.

What does your partner have to say? I’d be furious with both of them too.

Did he? Or did he just ask if there was any food?

Boundary: don't come until 7.
Guy: That's not convenient for me, I'll turn up at 2.

Boundary: Just drop off your things and leave for a few hours. (Also, why, he wasn't coming on a bus/train/taxi. He can leave suitcases in his car.)
Guy: That's not convenient for me, I'm going to stay in the house.

Boundary: I'm working. Unspoken boundary = do not disturb unless an emergency.
Guy: woman, make me food.

This was the only boundary OP pushed back on.

My thoughts exactly!

OP's partner should have told him to toddle off and entertain himself until 7pm, not send him round knowing full well OP is working and shouldn't be required to feed and entertain a random person.

I wouldn’t feel inclined to so much as speak to this guy.

Who the fuck goes against explicit instructions when someone is doing such a big favour as to offer a free bed. And then has the cheek to ask for food after he’s been asked to go out.

He’d be getting the cold shoulder from me. Going out is a good idea and dh would be having strong instructions to keep him out of my way tomorrow. Make sure he doesn’t drink your wine/beer etc; presumably he hasn’t bought any such offerings.

YANBU

Your partner needs to step up and sort out the visitor who is an extremely CF.

Let this be the visitor that changes your DP’s attitude, you now have an excellent reason to put your foot down.

Are you sure he hasn’t just got the wrong end of the stick and was expecting to be a guest? He likely thinks you were okay with the arrangement?

Quite. Your partner also bulldozes your boundaries. I don’t think you’re as untouchable as you think op and may just have been lucky up til now. As a 16 year old, I was overpowered by a man in his eighties I hardly knew.

Isn't this why Travelodge etc exist ?

More fool you OP. You had pre-warning of his arrival but still let him come in. Any disruption to your day could have been prevented by you.

You had choices - mainly not letting him in

Not only is he freeloading off you, he’ll likely be pocketing some kind of expenses if he’s delivering part of the event, so double CF.

Im a bit curious as to how and why your partner got persuaded to host him OP.

Both this guy and your partner are arseholes but I don't know why you're getting so angry at women pointing out that boundary pushing men can represent a danger to us. Even strong women.

I agree that it was rude of the man to turn up so early, but your boyfriend agreed that he could come straight to your house and presumably didn't suggest that he went somewhere else until 7. Under the circumstances I don't think it would have hurt to have spent all of five minutes making him a cup of tea and a sandwich, and then explaining politely that you were working. However early he arrived, it was with your boyfriend's agreement and it had been agreed that he woukd stay with you tonight, but you seem to have gone out of your way to make him feel completely unwelcome.

He's a complete stranger that the OP has never met. Asking for food in her house obviously means he is expecting her to make it. She wasn't going to leave him to rifle through her kitchen drawers, was she?

This man has intentionally ignored every boundary the OP has tried to set, and refused to leave her home when she asked. He's pretty obviously not just a misunderstood nice guy.

You sound really pissed off.

You've done the right thing.

Glad you've arranged something with your friend. I don't think you've been a doormat.

I hope you make your partner read this thread. The CF indeed has a car. Could leave his things there and make himself scarce until he is expected. He's not a foreigner with no idea how things work. He has a smartphone and a car.