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Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 31/08/2023 16:47

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Bumcake · 31/08/2023 16:48

Fridaytomorrow · 31/08/2023 16:19

So, if he’s driven 300 miles, and not restricted to bus or train times, there’s no reason for him to have arrived so early.

He could just have started later. It would all have been in daylight.

He also had ample opportunities to stop for a meal. There’s something sneaky about this dude, I wouldn’t trust him an inch. He keeps pushing his luck further and further, I’m almost looking forward to hearing what he requires next! Good luck OP.

Tiredanddistracted · 31/08/2023 16:48

I think, OP, that other women were simply trying to empathise because many women would feel a little uncomfortable with the situation you describe. I think people were just trying to be nice? I get that you're very annoyed at the position you've been put in, but snapping at people who are just trying to show sympathy and validation is a bit short-sighted.

HamBone · 31/08/2023 16:48

He's arrived early because, apparently, the journey would have been even longer if he hadn't set out early before the traffic built up. So he prioritised his own convenience over ours.

What a CF! Yes, by all means leave early to avoid the traffic, but you then need to occupy yourself until the arranged arrival time. I’d have stopped somewhere for lunch and done some sightseeing or shopping until 7.

Well done for standing your ground, OP, and for making your own plans for tonight.

LylaLee · 31/08/2023 16:49

>most women are assaulted by people they know

So, like random acquaintances...

You're angry, OP. Understandable.

Projecting that to people on this thread is not the way to go.

GingerIsBest · 31/08/2023 16:50

well this man's entitlement makes him someone I'd be very uncomfortable around. Your DP absolutely is an idiot for allowing this but this guy is demonstrating an astonishing lack of politeness. Just lying down and forcing you to accept it? (and you might not be scared of a random man but let's be clear - he's using the fact that he is a man to force you to do what he wants because it's not like you can physically throw him out), then to come and ask you to feed him? MIND BLOWING.

I think you are 100% right to leave the house 10 seconds after your DP gets home.

Delatron · 31/08/2023 16:51

Bumcake · 31/08/2023 16:48

He also had ample opportunities to stop for a meal. There’s something sneaky about this dude, I wouldn’t trust him an inch. He keeps pushing his luck further and further, I’m almost looking forward to hearing what he requires next! Good luck OP.

Show quote history

This is so bizarre. This man is a stranger, he has been behaving erratically (multiple frantic phone calls, no social etiquette, rude) yet OP is fine to let him in!

I would not have agreed to this in the first place let alone answered the door when he turned up 5 hours early.

Then the OP’s responses! Good luck with the rando weirdo in your house. Can’t believe your boyfriend thinks so little of you… I’d be dealing with that too rather than getting angry with people on the internet who are only concerned for your safety…

Maltaw · 31/08/2023 16:52

I think you handled this badly. I'd have just told him to come back later 🤷🏻‍♀️

MightyFishwife · 31/08/2023 16:52

Gosh yes, how infuriating that women don’t feel safe with men they don’t know in their homes with them. It’s not like anything bad ever happens, is it?

Getting Not Like Those Other Girl vibes from OP. Yawn.

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/08/2023 16:52

Must admit I wouldn’t have let him in op. You don’t know him or owe him anything, you are in fact doing him a favour, you have work to do, etc - no f-ing way would I have some random lying around my house, lol. Guess you are a bit stuck now until your Partner gets back, but when he does, it’s all on him to deal with!

Mellowautumnmists · 31/08/2023 16:52

Cynically posting to await the deletion message..... 🙄😐

Original poster
Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:53

Azaeleasinbloom · 31/08/2023 16:28

You are a nicer person than I, OP. This man is incredibly rude, and your partner is a CF too, dumping this on you.
i would, at the very least, be expecting my partner to be paying for my friend and I to have dinner tonight.
Your ‘guest’ sounds a real bargain, I would not be putting myself out for him at all.

Thank you, @Azaeleasinbloom that was all I needed to hear — that it was okay to feel furious with the pair of them.

OP posts:
goingslightlyinsane · 31/08/2023 16:55

OP I would be furious if I was you. Rude and inconvenient.
Enjoy your evening out- make sure you mess the kitchen up abit and make some work for your other half on the way out. What a joker! Both of them actually!

LizzieLoO37 · 31/08/2023 16:55

Ditto.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/08/2023 16:56

Who even thinks this would be ok?
A relative would be cheeky, but you could divert them, but a complete stranger.. No way would I show him into the house whilst
a You're working
b You don't know him from Adam

Contact DP immediately and say No
He can tell the guy to kill time until 7pm when he's there

Original poster
Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:57

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Very happy to be a difficult woman. Which is why I'm furious and not scared of this man.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 31/08/2023 16:57

Holy fuck, the simple fact you have some strange man in your house!! Your partner is an utter fuckwit!

LylaLee · 31/08/2023 16:57

So there's a busy stretch of road he wanted to avoid.

Fine.

So he could have arrived in your town and got something to eat at a restaurant/takeaway in his car.

Feeling tired?

Park in a Tesco car park with 3 hours parking, recline his seat. Take a nap. Set an alarm for 18:45.

Most adults don't need to nap during the day, even after a long drive.

BadNomad · 31/08/2023 16:57

You told him to leave the house, but he refused. Then he entered your office while you were working expecting you to feed him. That's two examples of his lack of respect for your boundaries. But you think it is everyone else who is being unreasonable to think a stranger in your home is a risk.

Your partner doesn't sound like he has much respect for you either.

Hiddenvoice · 31/08/2023 16:58

Op I’d be furious with your dp. This is so unfair of you and puts you in an awkward position. Id be the exact same as you and say this guest was only welcome when my dp arrived home since it isn’t my guest.

The man arrived early out of convenience for him which is also annoying. If he was going to arrive earlier then he should have said to your partner in advance that this was the time he was due and then your partner should have stated more firmly that it wasn’t suitable.

I assume he’s staying at yours for free so he shouldn’t just be expecting you to cook his meals. If I was him then I’d be offering you guys a take away as a thank you.

Glad you’re going out tonight!

elkiedee · 31/08/2023 16:58

I would be mad about this, not worrying about a strange man but about someone who ignores that the guy who said he could come early isn't around, that you are busy etc. So ignores suggestions that he finds a cafe and other things to do for a few hours, lies down and goes to sleep, and then has the nerve to interrupt your meeting expecting to be fed (when you'd made your position clear). Hope that he clears up after his takeaway properly, and that if not, you can leave your partner to sort out.

Good idea to go out for the evening with your friend, hope you have a really good night.

YouJustDoYou · 31/08/2023 16:58

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LylaLee · 31/08/2023 16:59

You've not been a difficult woman. You've accommodated every one of his demands.

Original poster
Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 17:00

LylaLee · 31/08/2023 16:59

You've not been a difficult woman. You've accommodated every one of his demands.

No I haven't. He expected me to stop what I was doing and make him a meal.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 31/08/2023 17:01

He refused to leave your home when you told him to...

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