My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

[Cynicaltheorist]

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

In this situation your partner should have at least said to give you an hour and let you know so you then had more than a few minutes notice.

I wouldn't want to have to shower and get dressed for the day with a strange man in my house.

The "he hasn't eaten" bit is quite remarkable - this bloke is a cheeky fucker extraordinaire.

I’d be livid. No way would a strange man be coming into my house when I’m alone! Why would your partner think this is okay?! Doesn’t he care about your safety and comfort? When the man arrives I would just tell him he needs to amuse himself for five hours.

My partner now DH did this early in the relationship. This guy turned up with a very hazy schedule and just expected 3 meals a day and did minimum to help around the flat. I think it was a sort of man to man loyalty, helping a friend out thing. The guy was a loser ( child abroad, no longer with girlfriend, could not afford to help with maintenance, no job etc etc). After a few days I read partner the riot act and made it clear fiend had to go, and wouldn’t be welcome again. That sorted it and prevented any repeats.

Letting an unknown man in is not on. Your partner is the issue here. He needs to come home.

Hopefully you sent him out. He can find something to do (including lunch and dinner) until after 7

Put a movie on. Predestination will be good

Politely Tell guest you’re working from home and have Two zoom meetings so can’t host him till you’re finished but after that you’ll be more than happy to greet him. Tell partner to feck of and never do this again.

Tell your partner that you are working and will not be hosting a stranger in the house until he comes home to be there too.

Don’t answer the door.

Yep. Stand in the doorway. "Sorry Im stull working. I can't let you in but I can take your bags inside if you like"(point at doorstep) ie he doesn't come in. " There is cafe/shops/library/bus stop on freeloader street, down that way."

"But your husband said.."

"Oh did he? No that's not what he meant, just that you could leave your bag. He'll be back around 7 and he'll give you a ring then. Sorry, got to get back to work now, enjoy your afternoon."

Slam.

Then text dh, tell him you were in no way prepared to have a stranger in the house and he probably owes the bloke an apology but NOT YOUR CIRCUS NOT YOUR MONKEYS.

This is a wind up, surely? A one night stay? That's what Premier Inn is for! I wouldn't have a complete stranger in my house, never mind hours early.

I would not be at all comfortable being alone in the house with a stranger. What are you supposed to do when you shower and get changed?

Don't answer the door or the phone to either of them.

This. I'd tell him where your partner works if he knocks on the door and let him go there.

This is your partner’s problem, OP. Not yours?

I don’t understand why you’re making it your problem.

Your partner comes home and deals with the random stranger. Or the random stranger waits outside until he is able to come home.

If you want your partner to stop doing wildly inappropriate things, then this is the only way to handle it.

OP is rightly pissed off at them both ("I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this".)

Her partner for agreeing to the early arrival.

And the guest for being so fucking rude as to invite yourself 5 hours early with 5 minutes notice.

I wouldnt be letting any stranger into my house. I certainly wouldnt be showering / doing housework with a stranger around. And him not having eaten lunch would not be my problem either if he turned up 5 hours early.

Will you be expected to cook and wait on him during his stay?

Get your partner to let him in and host him when he gets home.

Answer the door and say ‘Hi I’m XXXXX wife, he’s not back until 7pm and I’m WFH. Are you ok to pop back at 7pm? Get an Uber in to (INSERT NEAREST TOWN) and you’ll find plenty of coffee shops, restaurants and a lovely church. Must go I can hear my phone ringing. Cheerio! Shuts door

These men are treating you like a doormat. I can’t believe you didn’t have words with your partner and tell him to deal with it especially as he has form for this. This isn’t real, surely nobody is that much of a push over.

There's no way in a million years I'd let anyone into my home to stay overnight that neither my DH nor I had actually met in person.

That's so far beyond weird.

Exactly this. Even if I continued working I wouldn't be able to concentrate properly knowing there was a complete stranger in my home. Your partner should have told him to keep himself occupied elsewhere until 7pm.

Your DH seems to think his own need to be liked is more important than anything you say or indeed your safety.

was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance

so he's not uninvited then. Your husband did offer him a bed.

I would take my laptop and go out, personally. Go work in a library or a nice cafe and lock up the house. This is your partner's problem.

Tell you partner that you aren't answering the door. If he wants this person to come into the house, he will need to come home, let him in and look after him.