My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

[Cynicaltheorist]

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

Well done op for calling out the scare mongering!!

Well... in my experience, you can't suggest to a man that he "might want to" do something. Because if he doesn't want to, then he won't.

You need to be blunt. (And you can do this without being rude).
You can drop your bag and then please leave, as I am working this afternoon and can't be disturbed.
No might, no perhaps, just a clear instruction/expectation.

I probably wouldn’t mind. Open the door. Show him the fridge m, toaster and telly. Leave him to it and go back to work.

Show him the fridge m, toaster and telly.

What?! Are you kidding? This is a stranger who drops into her house 5 hours before the agreed time for meet-up.

Hope your partner will strip the bed, change the sheets, run a wash and run the hoover around OP.

I would have ignored the door bell too. (not expecting visitors till 7).
I'm working, not running a fucking hotel!

@BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants

How difficult is it to stop for a meal, a sandwich etc.

Agreed. But he seems to have thought the little woman doing her little job at home would provide for his needs. He'd outmanoeuvred the weak DP, managed to physically get himself into OP's home several hours earlier than had originally been agreed and outmanoeuvred her by lying down on the bed he'd managed to blag instead of going out as she suggested, so why wouldn't he think she'd provide food and drink instead of doing her job? 🌹

Good for you, op. Showing up early is very rude, as is forcing your hand by travelling first and only ringing when he was round the corner. He could perfectly well have asked before he left, but he knew he would likely have been told no!

I can't get over him going for a lie down when you had directly asked him to leave the house! And wandering into your work meeting! You are right that he wouldn't have done that to a man.

Hope he fucks off soon.

Yes to this! In her first post the OP wrote 'This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions'. Maybe he is but he still managed to arrive at the OP's house at a time of his choosing, stay in the house when the OP would have preferred him to go away for a few hours, and was capable of ordering himself a takeaway after trying to make the OP give him lunch.

Your partner is an absolute dickhead. The level of disregard he has for your feelings is shocking.

really hope you've had a good night out Op

Well you called it OP, came looking for you to feed him whilst you were working! You're handling this a lot better then I would have, well played! Definitely get some boundaries put into place though with your partner, you've been royally screwed over here.

You’re kinder than I am. I’d have messaged back, “I’m unavailable until after 7, so hopefully you can occupy yourself until then.” and ignored the door completely.

Then I’d have messaged my partner and ripped a strip off of him for not respecting my work, time or autonomy by volunteering me for this, and warned him that either he dealt with it, or the next text I sent would be telling his guest his work address so the guy could hang out with him at HIS work, since obviously work comes second to hosting in his mind.

I absolutely LOATHE the attitude some people have that WFH isn’t a REAL job, so of COURSE you’re available to come running when they whistle.

Neither of them respect you, that’s clear. The good news/bad news is, only one of them will still be in your house after the weekend.

All this. OP isn't "difficult" she's just sending out Not Like Other Girls vibes, as a PP said, sniping at women who've offered sympathy and expressed concern. She wasn't "difficult" with this boundary-breaking random in her house at all, and given DP seems to have a history of pulling this sort of shit, I'd say he knows she's likely to bow to his demands, even if he is a spineless twerp himself.

I don’t know why you didn’t tell him that you’re not running a B&B, and frankly he’s incredibly rude rocking up so early and expecting you to stop working to entertain him.

Please stop projecting your fear of guests and men onto me. We are normally sociable and happy to welcome guests, but we had a guest last week and I have family from abroad coming next week and my work is hectic at the moment.

incredulous that you were soooo busy wfh but managed to find the time to post a detailed thread on here.

And you're already very well versed and sociable about receiving guests and yet you decide you need advice from MN.

And then have a go at people for pointing out that your partner is a spineless idiot for getting railroaded into receiving someone into his house when he wasn't even going to be back for hours, leaving you to deal with it. And that you could have not done a good impression of a doormat by letting the stranger in to march up to "his room" like it's AirBnB for a lie down.

you really couldn't make it up.

Your partner is a prick and I would text him that you won’t be letting him in. Your partner always pulls this kind of shit because he’s a coward who feels entitled to dump the consequences of his cowardice onto you. He’s your partner’s houseguest, not yours.

Sadly it's much too late for that - read OP's updates about what he did when he arrived.

OP: "AIBU?"
Mumsnet: "no! That's so bad!"
OP: "stop scaremongering"

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Don't let him in until partner comes home.
Fuck that. Neither of you know him.

Did you notice the time that the OP was posted? And day actually??!

RTFT.

WHAT HAPPENED

WHAT HAPPENED

Well, people have been sniping at OP for acting on her own level of comfort rather than anyone else's, so she's unlikely to be back.

I think the guest is far worse than the partner!!
"I want to lie down"!! Who the hell does that, when your (kind, imposed-upon) host has just said she's busy and could you call back?!

Only after she started sniping at other women for expressing very rational concerns about having an unknown, boundary-pushing man (who'd already refused to leave her house) alone with her there for hours.

Really it's on you for opening the door OP. You should have kept working and reminded your partner that he needed to come accommodate his guest.

Inviting him in but then telling him to drop off his bags and go to the cinema was weird and passive aggressive OP, sorry. You got the worst of both worlds: interrupted your own work, let your partner off the hook, and made a big show of grumpiness to a guy who had accepted an invitation.

His behaviour was certainly weird after that. I mean if I showed up at someone's house and was met with that, I'd turn right around and find a hotel. But it was a nightmare of mixed messages for him.