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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My partner's uninvited guest has turned up 5 hours early...

581 replies

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 14:03

My partner is involved in organising an event tomorrow and was cornered into offering a bed tonight for a person who's coming fro a distance. He doesn't know this guy. There have been a number of increasingly infuriating phone calls about arrival times etc. This bloke seems chaotic and doesn't seem to be able to manage directions. I've been really, really busy for the last week and a guest was the last thing I needed. I insisted that this man doesn't arrive before my partner is home from work at 7pm, by which time I will (probably) have finished what I need to do and be in a fit state to host.

The guy has just phoned to say he's a few minutes from our home. He phoned my partner and my partner told him he can come straight here. I'm right in the middle of my work, I haven't had a shower this morning and the breakfast things are still all over the kitchen. I'm so angry with my partner. He's always doing things like this. This guy is going to arrive shortly, he's told me he hasn't had any lunch so presumably will expect me to make him a sandwich. Who the hell turns up five hours early? So bloody rude and entitled.

OP posts:
q109times · 31/08/2023 21:52

Unbelievably cheeky and rude.

id be angry with CF but much more so with so with DH…

gettingolderbutcooler · 31/08/2023 21:56

Ah, the joys of getting older and not giving a fuck.
At my age I'd have met him at the door saying 'this is terribly rude of you. I'll take this bag for you but see you in 5 hours.'
Close door.
I'm just not very nice anymore.
And I don't care. 🤣

girlswillbegirls · 31/08/2023 22:09

MummyJ36 · 31/08/2023 20:02

Lol the balls on someone to ask what there is for lunch when they’ve arrived 5 hours early 🤣

This is exactly what I thought. 😂
When I read he actually went into her home office to ask for lunch, my face went like this 😳

OP you are unbelievably polite. I do feel very sorry for you. I would be absolutly livid.

Enjoy tonight with your friend, you deserve it.💐

FlyingMonkeyNever · 31/08/2023 22:19

I would not have answered the door. It’s okay to not answer the door, if you do not want to. Maybe you wanted to? Anyway.

So, you answered the door and asked him to leave after he had put his bags down. Instead, this man ignored you and lay down on the bed, refused to leave and then went looking for you and interrupted you whilst you were working to ask for food!!! Incredulous!!!

This would not had happened, had you not answered the door.

I can’t believe a partner/DH would put their female partner in this position. This is ridiculous. You need to lay down the law and enforce boundaries with your partner. SMH.

grumpycow1 · 31/08/2023 22:20

So you asked him to leave and he refused… what genuinely weird behaviour?! And to enter your space unannounced to ask for food. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of a more bizarre situation tbh. I would have screamed for him to get out and if he didn’t leave I would have called the police.

Sennelier1 · 31/08/2023 22:21

This guest is an adult and does not have any special needs? Then WHY can this man not go into town, buy himself a meal, spend some time browsing bookshops or whatever, and then turn up at your house at the exact time convened? He might even bring you a small bouquet to thank you for hosting him!

MsRosley · 31/08/2023 22:21

gettingolderbutcooler · 31/08/2023 21:56

Ah, the joys of getting older and not giving a fuck.
At my age I'd have met him at the door saying 'this is terribly rude of you. I'll take this bag for you but see you in 5 hours.'
Close door.
I'm just not very nice anymore.
And I don't care. 🤣

Glorious, isn't it?

BlueGlassWater · 31/08/2023 22:27

I like the cut of your jib OP. I hope you are out having a great evening. I'd be furious with both Entitled Guy and partner who sounds a bit of a recidivist on this score. 5 hours early - EG was lucky the bed was made up and he had somewhere to rest his poor tired manliness. And the ' oh, can you make me a sandwich, love' type attitude.

You know he'll have a giant poo and use all the hot water in the morning, don't you. Get your shower in early.

BustyLaRoux · 31/08/2023 22:39

I think people are just looking out for you. The fact is neither you nor your partner know this man. Probably he is fine and normal, if rather a CF to inconvenience you by turning up so early and then having the cheek to ask for food!! But although I am not someone who is fearful of men generally, experience has taught me that it doesn’t hurt to be mindful that there are some violent men out there and to be careful. Having a stranger in your house when your partner isn’t home would make me angry with my partner for putting me in a potential risky situation. Again it’s probably fine but it shows a lack of respect to put you in this position and I wouldn’t be happy. I don’t think people are scaremongering, just being mindful of your safety.

CliantheLang · 31/08/2023 22:46

I don’t think people are scaremongering, just being mindful of your safety.

Oh, I don't know. Op obviously feels happy to be used like an appliance by random males that turn up on her doorstep.

RestMasks · 31/08/2023 22:47

TomatoSandwiches · 31/08/2023 18:23

You let a rude unknown man to you walk all over you, he completely ignored your request to leave you own home and you did nothing.
You aren't a difficult woman at all.

Yes, this is essentially what I thought, I'm afraid, OP.

Though i agree that living in fear is no way to live I think it is foolish in the extreme to scoff at women who see having a strange man in their home as a risk (including those who have actually done so and suffered exactly the consequences you dismiss).

The fact he's an acquaintance of your husband's colleague's (cat's aunt's grandmother) in no way makes him any less of a stranger to you.

Also please note that you now know that this is a man who has absolutely no regard for a woman's "no". He has absolutely no respect for you and what you want or say, in your own home. That bumps him significantly up the risk meter in my book.

Againstmachine · 31/08/2023 22:51

Cynicaltheorist · 31/08/2023 16:38

Please stop it with the put you at risk to the extent he literally invites a random man off the street in to your house nonsense.

This man is someone who is connected via colleagues of my partner's (he's not my boyfriend, we're not teenagers). He's not 'some random man off the street.' He's going to be running one element of a training event tomorrow.

Most women who are killed in their own homes are killed by people they know. This kind of scaremongering is really dangerous and can lead to women leading fearful lives, scared of venturing out.

And now he is someone you know who you have invited into your house, just saying.

And if you don't like snarky replys don't start a thread.

billy1966 · 31/08/2023 22:56

I would be absolutely furious.

Your partner is a disrespectful twat.

I honestly couldn't be tolerating this at all.

You were calmer than I would be innsuch a situation.

Your "guest" disregarded everything that he was told for your convenience.

He clearly couldn't give a toss.

Well done for vacating.

Have a think OP, is this a pattern?

Respectful partners don't behave like this.

glitterfarts · 31/08/2023 22:59

The fact that he refused your reasonable request to leave as you were working makes him MORE risky to me. I'd not be sleeping well tonight, that's for sure.

He on purpose arrived 5 hours early when he knew that the man was out and woman home alone. MORE risky.

Something like 1 in 3 women have been raped. The previous responses come from a reasonable place of concern due to this man's actions.

Hope you had a lovely night out with your friend.

billy1966 · 31/08/2023 22:59

I must agree with @RestMasks he was unbelievable rude and dismissive of you in your own home.

His behaviour was not normal.

Truthfully, I would be apoplectic if my husband put me in this position.

glitterfarts · 31/08/2023 23:00

And if he was hungry, why didn't he stop on the way to yours for food. Since he was hours and hours early.

BlueGlassWater · 31/08/2023 23:05

I think the OP's spidey senses sound pretty switched on and she's got the measure of him. He sounds a jerk, not dangerous. I think the worst that will happen is he'll stink out the bathroom and leave a trail of dirty towels and coffee cups before he disappears in the morning, hopefully never to be seen again.
Looking forward to the update when OP comes home to find he was still hungry after his takeaway and has eaten the delicious goodies she got in readiness for her real guests next week.

weirdoboelady · 31/08/2023 23:06

Anyone else hoping the OP will stumble in drunk in about an hour and really tell it like it is?

I must say I am on the OP's side about the 'isn't it risky being alone in a house with a man' brigade. Even a man as rude as this. It's sort of patronising - the OP sounds quite capable of making her own risk assessments.

Go OP! We want to hear about your conversation with DP when he finally came home, your night out and hopefully a conversation where DP told EM exactly what a twat he had been (not to leave when asked, to interrupt a working professional and to demand food). And hopefully - this is probably too optimistic - a fulsome apology from DP to OP.

Inertia · 31/08/2023 23:10

I wouldn’t have answered the door. I’d have let him go to partner’s work and let him deal with it.

Not sure what kind of training he’s giving, but I wouldn’t have much faith in the competence of a man who is apparently unable to buy his own lunch at a service station.

I really, really would not be happy to host a man who deliberately ignored agreed plans, refused to leave a house when asked by a lone woman uncomfortable with his presence, and barged in on a confidential work meeting.

ImNotWorthy · 31/08/2023 23:29

I for one would not have been able to concentrate on my work with this person in the house, whatever room they were in. Especially as presumably I'd be tied to my office/wherever the computer is.

WanderinStar · 31/08/2023 23:37

I think you're great op!

DameCurlyBassey · 31/08/2023 23:43

CrazyArmadilloLady · 31/08/2023 19:57

It’s in the first para of the OP - he was ‘cornered into inviting’.

The rude uninvited guest is also to blame.

Show quote history

You don’t know who he was cornered by. Could have been his boss who put the pressure on.

LylaLee · 31/08/2023 23:45

WanderinStar · 31/08/2023 23:37

I think you're great op!

Great?

For letting a man into her house when she didn't want him there?

WanderinStar · 31/08/2023 23:55

Yes. Great for being cool with him but still allowing him in. Great for handling all the hysterical mumsnet responses.

AelinAshriver · 01/09/2023 00:02

Stranger has murdered OP... And her CF Cocklodger.

He's now taken over the house. Ordered another takeaway.

OP's friend who's used to being picked up when cocklodger invites strangers into their home will update shortly saying she walked in on the masacre while Stranger was nibbling on a kebab, looking at home in the master bedroom.