Is teaching children to use cutlery no longer a thing?

[Pixieb34]

Genuine question…
Do parents of younger children teach them to use a knife and fork nowadays?
I’m a parent of older teens and I did, along with general table manners like eating with your mouth closed and waiting for others to start/finish.
Am I being old fashioned to think being able to eat food with a knife and fork is a basic skill, or is eating with fingers or just a fork or spoon what’s done nowadays?

It's lazy parenting

@HappiDaze sorry, did you mean to reply to my comment where I said we were teaching her use a knife but she just hadn't quite got the hang of it depending on what she's trying to cut? That's not lazy parenting. That's a child who hasn't quite grasped a skill yet.

THANK YOU. I eat ‘left handed’ and my mum’s partner constantly tells me off for ‘not eating properly’. Load of bollocks.

Should be able to. Sure.

Not every kid can do everything they should be able to do, and not every kid does everything they can do every single time.

Every child is different and like I said I have firmly put this in the battles-not-worth-fighting column. There are enough battles that are worth fighting. Other people will feel differently and that's fine - unless they have the most compliant children on the planet there's probably stuff that they don't prioritise but I do.

My friend's DCs have beautiful table manners. But, they LOVE their food and are (she'd say it herself), slightly obsessed. Great, well behaved kids with a fantastic diet and healthy weights, who utterly love food. There is no issue with getting them to the table and they pretty much always scrape their plates, so she has had plenty of time and scope to encourage table manners. Mine is a decent eater but can need to be cajoled to the table - especially, frustratingly, when tired and hungry. When she finally makes it there and starts eating the food she needs to feel less grumpy (the hanger is strong in that one), I'm not about to make a battle over the use of a knife that will just have her refuse to eat in a strop. She can finesse the table manners when she's a bit bigger.

Decent parents respond to the needs of their individual children and prioritise accordingly.

I think part of it could be less time eating with family. Both parents are forced to work more hours these days, so less time for family meal times. I've only started getting more strict about it recently, now DC is old enough, and has gotten better motor skills. It's only a matter of time.

I never knew there was a stigma against using the "wrong" hand for the fork/knife... I thought it was just traditional vs not. I usually lay the table with fork on the right 😆

That's fine @JenniferBarkley but, by the time your children go to school, I would hope they would be able to use the utensils provided to feed themselves. There should be an adult on hand to cut meat up for them if required but nobody will have the time to sit down with them and cajole them into eating. I suppose they could always take a packed lunch and continue to eat with their fingers.

Geniune question, can PP’s explain exactly how they ‘taught’ their little ones to use the knife and fork? We have always provided DS with a knife and fork for meals since he was 2, and we model using ours every mealtime - he uses his fork but rarely chooses to use his knife, even when directed - and I don’t really want to spend mealtimes constantly badgering him to use it. So I just assumed his current skill level is normal, but sounds like lots of people have their LOs using their knife and fork perfectly from toddlerhood!
He goes to nursery full time, so they obviously don’t have any rigorous knife-training programme either.
He starts reception on Tuesday and after reading this I am panicking a bit that he is behind where he should be with this set of skills.
Hopefully they won’t be served great slabs of tough meat etc in reception, and he should get by! But any tips are welcome.

My DH does this, and he's as British as me. I swear he's allergic to knives.

I am left handed, but I was taught to use my fork in my left hand and knife in the right, so that’s what I do. I also iron using my right hand and knit right handed. My left hand is most definitely dominant though.

The knife is usually held in the dominant hand as it requires more dexterity and pressure to cut food or push it on to the fork. I doubt if many people these days care which way round that is. I wouldn't care about scooping food with a fork rather than pushing food on to the back of it either. Eating soup by pushing the spoon away is 'correct' and likely to be less drippy but not that important in the great scheme of things.

Someone above suggested practising with play dough. I have done this too and it might avoid the stress of combining cutlery lessons with meal times.

Why on earth does it have to be one or the other? That’s a total cop out.

My DS was a bit meh with his knife skills so I always gave him a knife which was more serrated than the others so he could cut through tougher food items better.

DD is 2 years younger than him and she managed fine.

You're doing the right thing so he'll be fine.

He knows the concept of using a knife and why etc and how people around him use cutlery. That's all you can do

I'm sure that once when he wasn't holding it quite right I gently put my hands over his to manipulate them into the right position for him to cut better

My 9yo often reverts to eating with his fingers but he has ASD and DCD and really struggles with holding cutlery. We constantly remind him and support him to hold it but it's difficult for him. 7yo has no neurodiversion and eats beautifully

My family usually eat foods involving rice at home, rather than meat and veg so probably don't get loads of knife practice tbh.

I’ve endlessly taught my child to use cutlery, my friends have taught him, he’s been bribed. He’s utterly appalling at using cutlery.

I explained in a later post - my 5yo is very much prone to hanger (gets it from her mum ) but when in that state is reluctant to come to the table. Once she gets there, I'm not going to interrupt her eating the food she needs to worry about table manners. It's just not worth the additional agro to me.

I taught my children to use a knife and fork and basic table manners too.

@JenniferBarkley

'It isn't though. Actively choosing to prioritise enjoyment of healthy food, conversation, sitting nicely etc at the table over use of cutlery isn't lazy parenting, it's just different parenting to yours. That's fine. Every child and every family are different and no one can do everything perfectly, we all have to choose little things to let slip in order to focus on things that are more important to us'

So you seriously can't be bothered to show your DC how to use cutlery and this is your excuse. Healthy food and conversation and sitting. I mean this is pretty standard.

FML 🤦‍♀️

I think it’s the type of skill that isn’t really taught but is modelled. The problem Is that there are so many families where both parents are working very long hours meaning that family dinners around the table understandably take a back seat to quick and easy; meaning that young children have far fewer opportunities to watch their parents demonstrate the skill and then try it for themselves.
We are very lucky that my husband works from home most days and finishes at 4.30 meaning he often cooks our meal and has it on the table when we get back from work/nursery. My 2.5 year old has been lucky enough to eat all his evening meals at the table with us and can use a knife/ fork and spoon well. I think it would be harder for him to have learnt this if our circumstances were different.

They've been shown, they can use a fork and spoon and can clumsily try with a knife, but no, as long as they're not being disgusting it isn't a priority. Like I've said, we all have our parenting priorities and this isn't one of mine, especially midweek when they're wrecked.

We have a knife for our 2.5 year old, but he doesn't really use it properly yet. He likes having it on his tray from time to time but doesn't use it properly. We all eat together, so he likes to copy. He mainly uses a fork on its own. My DH and I don't use a knife for every meal tbh.

I would expect a 4/5 year old to be able to use cutlery though.

DD is 10 and tells me school meals are like watching animals at the zoo. Her cutlery skills are just fine.

DS is 8 and uses cutlery like one of those animals. He has adhd and just can't remember to use cutlery unless you instruct him every few seconds.

Oh, and despite us working FT, we all eat breakfast and dinner together at the table every day which is a priority for us and I'm sure gets us a gold star in your book. I don't judge friends who give their DC a quick snack before bed and then have dinner for the adults though.

Good question!

I’ve never given my 2 year old a knife as he still has tantrums and throws cutlery when he gets frustrated. I’ll certainly start him on knives when we feel he’s ready.

We started getting him used to using spoons, but he was slow. Then we found out his childminder was spoon feeding him despite him being able to use it for yoghurt etc. We’ve since switched him to nursery and his spoon and fork skills have greatly improved.

Still can’t drink from an open cup though without spilling it down himself!

I think you have a valid point about the type of food people eat these days. I never got to grips with eating spaghetti with a fork and spoon because never grew up with pasta.

However table manners are still possible with just a fork. Put food in your mouth, put the fork down, chew with mouth closed. The amount of people that let the fork hover around or wave it around. It’s really distracting.