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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reborn dolls in the pram bay

680 replies

gezelligheid · 31/08/2023 07:34

A couple of times now I've been unable to get on the bus with my baby in a pram because there are two local women who take their reborn dolls out in prams and take up the pram bays. I know they are reborn dolls as I've seen the dolls in their pram.

I understand people have reborn dolls for many different reasons but to take up a space meaning a real baby can't get on the bus surely isn't fair?

I've complained to the bus service and they've said they cannot monitor whether babies are real or not so if they get on the bus first I should ask them to put their pram down upon boarding.

I'm worried this will cause an altercation on the bus so I'm wondering AIBU to say something on the bus even though it may be embarrassing for the women?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
LemonPeonies · 01/09/2023 14:52

I think all of us have empathy for people who have suffered baby loss. But let's be honest, those spaces are for wheelchair users first of all, then prams with alive babies, anything else such as dolls/shopping trolleys absolutely should not be considered going in those spaces. People who have lost their baby/ are infertile should receive therapy and support not in the form of a pretend baby. I don't think it helps at all, just prolongs the healing process and creates the need for more (mental instability etc). The pp's desperate to pander to this are the type which stick up for women saying/ doing anything nasty or selfish and get away with it just because they're infertile for example.

HairsprayBabe · 01/09/2023 14:57

@LemonPeonies The OP has specified several times that it is a designated infant pram space - plenty of bus companies have them now. No need to bring wheelchairs into it, it just muddies the water.

Britneyfan · 01/09/2023 15:02

I think the bus company are being pretty unreasonable here saying they can’t police which babies are real… I understand them preferring not to get involved but that makes OP the bad guy. I’d be happy enough to agree they don’t need to police it as such but to look out for people needing help when they see these women on board (100 percent they already know exactly who they are) plus if you say you’ll knock on the partition asking for their help in getting someone with a reborn to create space for a baby (saving then the trouble of “policing” this, then I think they should agree!

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 15:03

The pp's desperate to pander to this are the type which stick up for women saying/ doing anything nasty or selfish and get away with it just because they're infertile for example.

What is pandering to them and what is not pandering to them?

Britneyfan · 01/09/2023 15:04

I have a lot of empathy for these women and it’s tricky to address it because I do think for many people these dolls are as real to them in their heads as a real baby. So I would say something yes but sensitively and ideally without spelling out that this is a doll.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 15:05

Everyone thinks they should move.

ButterCrackers · 01/09/2023 15:14

Britneyfan · 01/09/2023 15:04

I have a lot of empathy for these women and it’s tricky to address it because I do think for many people these dolls are as real to them in their heads as a real baby. So I would say something yes but sensitively and ideally without spelling out that this is a doll.

They can be told by the driver to move out of the way for the pram with a baby in it or get off and wait for the next bus with space for their luggage. If they feel that this is wrong they can complain to the bus company or even call the police.

LemonPeonies · 01/09/2023 15:39

@sunglassesonthetable pandering would obviously be those saying they're just as entitled to use the spaces and to leave them to it.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 15:44

pandering would obviously be those saying they're just as entitled to use the spaces and to leave them to it.

Tbh no one has said they should be allowed to use the space over a human baby.

LemonPeonies · 01/09/2023 16:01

A lot of posters have said to leave them alone, which means allowing them to stay in the spaces, telling people to have Compassion for them etc. Why exactly are you picking on my posts? Some people are condoning kicking the dolls around, go start on them. My points have been quite clear.

Densol57 · 01/09/2023 16:06

Only on MN would I learn about “reborn” dolls and grown adults 😳

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 16:09

lot of posters have said to leave them alone, which means allowing them to stay in the spaces, telling people to have Compassion for them etc. Why exactly are you picking on my posts? Some people are condoning kicking the dolls around, go start on them. My points have been quite clear.

Sorry I didn't read anyone saying that.

I don't think being civil or behaving decently is pandering personally. Nor is "having compassion" , the same as letting them take over spaces where they are stopping real babies, who should be there.

I'm not picking on you. But I'm really interested what people mean when they say "pander".

The last person who used that word was the drop kicking type.
And I'm not saying you are.

Bullshot · 01/09/2023 16:09

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 15:05

Everyone thinks they should move.

6% don’t agree 😳

I’m gobsmacked that anyone takes these dolls on a bus - let alone demands a pram space.

Fucking bananas

LemonPeonies · 01/09/2023 16:11

My point is you can have Compassion without putting them before real babies. And no I didn't say I would move them myself or kick them etc that's batshit behaviour.

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 16:16

My point is you can have Compassion without putting them before real babies. And no I didn't say I would move them myself or kick them etc that's batshit behaviour.

totally agree.

I'm on a phone can't see the 6% thing on mine.

inisisle · 01/09/2023 16:30

Angrycat2768 · 01/09/2023 14:49

I ender, if they are addicts if they have had babies removed from them at birth? Again, complete conjecture and they still need treatment for the trauma of having a child removed, as well as their addiction issues.

Could be

Sennelier1 · 01/09/2023 17:38

Do you think they maybe are doing it for attention? The whole act of playing mommy&baby as adult women and prancing with their strollers in public? Not saying you should play detective (though I know I would) but maybe they always take the same route to go to a mental-health facility. If you could reach a carer there, maybe that person could address the women about their prams on the bus?

Goshthatwentquickly · 01/09/2023 18:02

They've...got...dolls...? 😳

inisisle · 01/09/2023 18:07

Sennelier1 · 01/09/2023 17:38

Do you think they maybe are doing it for attention? The whole act of playing mommy&baby as adult women and prancing with their strollers in public? Not saying you should play detective (though I know I would) but maybe they always take the same route to go to a mental-health facility. If you could reach a carer there, maybe that person could address the women about their prams on the bus?

I think it's brilliant you've suggested following them. 😅. You are brave.

I don't know how safe that would be though. They could be going anywhere if they're addicts, and have other things hidden in the prams than just the dolls.

I'm only half-joking, but it could turn nasty if OP decided to play detective and they discovered they were being followed.

Juleslovesmaths · 01/09/2023 18:33

I’ve just returned from Finland where parents with a pram get free public transport - staff check there is a real baby in the pram to deter people pretending to have one to avoid charges - 🤷🏻‍♀️

anon666 · 01/09/2023 18:57

Wow that is bonkers. I had no idea that was a thing. ☹️

KarenandFour · 01/09/2023 19:07

No you’re not being unreasonable to ask them to fold their prams at all!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 01/09/2023 19:10

I’ve just returned from Finland where parents with a pram get free public transport - staff check there is a real baby in the pram to deter people pretending to have one to avoid charges

I'll bet there are a lot of pre-schoolers there who are still taken around in prams for far longer than necessary!

Does anybody remember Mummy's Boy from Buster Comic in the 80s - the lad who must have been over 10 and his overbearing mum still dressed him in a frilly bonnet and baby clothes and pushed him around in a pram everywhere?!

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 01/09/2023 19:12

Does anybody know why they're actually called 'reborns'? Surely 'not borns' would be more accurate? Or is the idea that they're wholly intended as an ersatz for babies who have sadly died, hence that name?

ladyluck13 · 01/09/2023 19:13

There's a couple in my town who do this, she has her dolly in a buggy n he has his in a baby carrier strapped to him. It's bloody weird, and they usually take up lots of room so real mothers/babies can't get their prams in so annoying too.