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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prefer private school?

396 replies

Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 00:52

I'm sure I would prefer private school for my children. Would it matter to you if money was no cost?

OP posts:
escapingthecity · 31/08/2023 14:17

Yes. I would want them to have the best chance of being supported and stretched to find their strengths. I had no confidence that would happen in the primary schools near our old house, not least because our DC would be one of a handful of native English speakers in the class. I would also want them to have the opportunity to play sport, do music and arts and have a really rich extra curricular offer. None of the state primaries around us had the resources or staff to be able to offer that.

mondaytosunday · 31/08/2023 14:37

Depends. If local state is good then I'd send them there.

MrsAvocet · 31/08/2023 14:40

It would be really interesting to see what would happen to state schools if private schools were scrapped. I think we’d see a lot more of a backlash against the appalling standards of state schooling
I doubt it. More likely it would further accentuate the disparity in standards between state schools in affluent and more deprived areas. Parents are more naturally inclined to invest in their own children's education, in terms of time, effort and money so I suspect that most parents put into that situation would support their local school and not be significantly more interested in the general picture than they are now.
I know that in some cities you can get schools with catchment areas that cover very diverse areas, in which case it might make some difference to them, but in most places all that's likely to happen is that ex private school parents will send their children to the good state schools in the affluent areas where they live, pushing house prices in those areas ever higher and controlling the intake that way.
Desirable state schools would become more desirable but I doubt it would have any benefit to struggling schools.

LolaSmiles · 31/08/2023 14:55

Desirable state schools would become more desirable but I doubt it would have any benefit to struggling schools.
I agree with this.
The people with the means and resources will always find a way to keep their children out of schools that are terrible and/or offering a poor quality education.

I'd sooner home educate than send my DC to some of our local schools (others are great by the way).

The way you get state schools to improve isn't by taking a swipe at private education. It's by addressing the bigger social issues that disproportionately affect some schools and then having an appropriate number of trained and experienced staff to do the job.

elliejjtiny · 31/08/2023 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

There aren't any Ofsted registered outstanding schools near us. My dc go to the nearest local schools. The teachers are enthusiastic and so are the children at the primary school. The students at the secondary school are a mixture of enthusiastic and general teenage grumpiness, but that's to be expected! When we go to concerts etc at the secondary school the staff always make the effort to have a chat to my primary aged dc and tell them they are looking forward to teaching them when they come to secondary. My youngest had autism and his teacher has done wonders with him. She's got him to the point where he willingly goes into school in the morning. I couldn't ask for better really.

Barbadossunset · 31/08/2023 16:36

HolefreeGrail · Today 08:01
No. We can afford it but choose not to. Not privately educated ourselves, went to top unis and hate the attitude of superiority that some folks have as a result of their parents paying for their education.

I don’t see how the superiority of private school parents is any worse than your superiority and smugness about sending your dc to state school.

IvyIvyIvy · 31/08/2023 17:32

Barbadossunset · 31/08/2023 10:54

And. where I live, teachers in state schools must have a degree in the subject they teach. In private schools, that's not required.

Bingo!

There is a lovely private primary near me that has subjects such as science, IT, art, sports, maths, languages taught by specialist subject teachers- rather than one class teacher covering all subjects as they do in the state sector. They might not all have degrees in those subjects - although many do- but at least they have the knowledge, passion and enthusiasm for those subjects. In the state sector for primary school you could have someone teaching your kid maths who only scraped their GCSE maths and hates the subject....but holds a general teaching degree. Separately, I went to a top grammar secondary school and had someone with a chemistry degree teaching maths up to GCSE level. This is common.

WeAreBorg · 31/08/2023 17:37

If we had decent state schools here the kids would go, however they are shit, so they don’t. If I couldn’t afford it (which I can only just) then I’d probs get tutors and take them to Vesuvius or whatever instead.
If money was no object and the state schools were good I’m not sure to be honest - I maybe might feel like if I have the money I should pay for their education, out of weird mum guilt.

Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 17:40

MrsAvocate: from what you describe you are in an extremely fortunate position where fantastic state education is available to you.
There is no way the average JoeBlogs would be able to access those programs. They may have parents who can't afford extra curricular activities.
I think we do have to recognise how fortunate we are. My school had an equestrian centre. Music hall, pool and fields etc. I feel very fortunate to have been able to go there and would do it for my children.
But. I know it's the normal experience for everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 17:46

WeAreBorg · 31/08/2023 17:37

If we had decent state schools here the kids would go, however they are shit, so they don’t. If I couldn’t afford it (which I can only just) then I’d probs get tutors and take them to Vesuvius or whatever instead.
If money was no object and the state schools were good I’m not sure to be honest - I maybe might feel like if I have the money I should pay for their education, out of weird mum guilt.

Vesuvius 😆 that made me chuckle...! I think we all do the best that we can to our ability. A good education is one of those things in my own opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 17:49

Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 17:40

MrsAvocate: from what you describe you are in an extremely fortunate position where fantastic state education is available to you.
There is no way the average JoeBlogs would be able to access those programs. They may have parents who can't afford extra curricular activities.
I think we do have to recognise how fortunate we are. My school had an equestrian centre. Music hall, pool and fields etc. I feel very fortunate to have been able to go there and would do it for my children.
But. I know it's the normal experience for everyone.

Meant to say it's NOT the experience for everyone.

OP posts:
Shade17 · 31/08/2023 17:50

I wouldn’t consider anything but a private education.

Onelifeonly · 31/08/2023 17:55

Politically speaking I'm against private education. And had a decent enough state education myself - at least, I could critique it in many ways but did well anyway.

My kids are grown now but I would only have considered a private school if there was a specific need for one of them that couldn't be met at a state school or if the only local schools were completely dire. Which fortunately wasn't the case.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 31/08/2023 18:01

Absolutely not. I went to one which was one massive anachronism, featuring gender segregation, short trousers, and an unhealthy obsession with fucking rugby.

Also not great socially to not go to the school where all the other kids on our street went, broke a lot of those connections.

A terrible way to set up a young person for the real world.

Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 18:09

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 31/08/2023 18:01

Absolutely not. I went to one which was one massive anachronism, featuring gender segregation, short trousers, and an unhealthy obsession with fucking rugby.

Also not great socially to not go to the school where all the other kids on our street went, broke a lot of those connections.

A terrible way to set up a young person for the real world.

Unfortunately it seems you didn't have a good experience. I'm sorry to hear that.
To say it doesn't set you up for the 'real' world is speculative though don't you think? The experiences we have are the real world.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 31/08/2023 18:27

Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 11:24

So many comments from parents who could easily afford it but choose not to.
I respect everyone and no hate whatsoever... just genuinely curious as to why you would choose not to give your child extra opportunities such as swimming, camping, skiing etc if you could do it easily? I've known people who are so against state schools as they believe the taxes should cover it (which I agree with) but if you can why wouldn't you?

People have given pages and pages of many and varied reasons why they would choose state over private. Also, the kids at the state school where I work have the opportunity to go swimming, camping and skiing. If parents can't afford to pay they're subsidised by the school. These things are not exclusive to private schools.

Original poster
Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 19:31

In which case that's fantastic! I'm all for everyone having the same opportunities.
As I said it's more about the connections and people you make long term friendships with.
I had more opportunities to travel and visit friends in America, Spain, Egypt, Saudi and Greece etc.
I don't think I would have done that if I went to the local school.

OP posts:
uneffingbelievable · 31/08/2023 21:07

My DC scraped the 11+ got into the coveted grammar school and had a horrendous time. Other DC passed easily and is surviving -would not necessarily all round thriving as some of the issues DC1 faced, DC2 is also facing but with a little bit more resilience that DC1.

DC1 was crashing and burning, private school got the best out of him and he has thrived. ?interestingly DC2 doing well in state grammar school wants to go to DC1 school for sixth form -he thinks DC1 happier than him, has a better time and the facilities are better.

AS a single mum this would stretch the budget to the absolute to have 2 in at the same time. DC2 is savvy, knows his GCSES are likely to go well and aware of the financial cost, so he decided to stay for GCSEs and then elder DC left he will go. Unbelievably adult conversation with both of them on the equity of this, that DC1 had more private time than DC2 but DC2 not currently resenting that and looking forward to getting the grades and moving.

The privilege is having the ability to adapt and find something that fits for your DCS and makes them happy.

TheaBrandt · 31/08/2023 21:57

What does making connections mean?! Being friends with rich people 😀.

In our all small city many of the teens socialise with teens at the other schools. Must be quite annoying if your plan was to “make connections” and then your teen chooses to hang out with the state school crowd as they are more fun!

Wintersgirl · 31/08/2023 23:21

'mean girl' behaviour, which you don't seem to get so much in state schools

Ha ha, you are kidding right? I don't think I've read anything so ridiculous...

MountMumanddad · 31/08/2023 23:25

I would love to send our DC to private school. Unfortunately we can’t afford it for two, we could stretch to one but obviously won’t send one and not the other.

There are a couple of amazing private schools near us that I’d be thrilled to send DC to if we could afford it.

So we’re now going to have to start attending church to get DC in to a C of E secondary school because the others round here are dire. Either that or move house, but we are so settled here and we love our village.

dcbc1234 · 31/08/2023 23:50

Quote 'We decided our money would be better spent buying a house in the catchment of excellent state schools, funding extra curricular activities and, if needed, tutoring'
The ultimate left-wing hypocrisy right there, using money in a different way to advantage their kids whilst attempting to retain the moral high ground. My DC were state educated but I wouldn't have put them in just any failing state school.
All posters in this thread stop virtue-signalling and should instead simply admit that most parents will do what they believe is best for each child to the best of their (financial) ability and there is nothing wrong with that. You should not sacrifice your child to your political principles in either direction.

WineIsMyMainVice · 31/08/2023 23:55

Don’t send your kids to private school unless you can really afford it and everything that comes with it.
It was the most miserable experience for me. Good education. But no friends as I just didn’t fit in.

sezzer87 · 01/09/2023 00:26

No I wouldn't. Most of my family went, including my father and I've never known a single person to do well from a private education.
It tends to separate them from 'normal' society and stops then from learning about the real world.
My nephew and niece went to private school, one of the best in the south, and my BIL had to pull them out because they both had issues with their leaning and it wasn't until they went to the local state primary that they eventually got the SEN support they needed and started to thrive.
It's mainly a place to secure status for the parent.

sezzer87 · 01/09/2023 00:30

@ichundich

There is no way someone on an average salary could afford £15k+ a year just by making 'a few sacrifices'