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Original poster

Would you prefer private school?

396 replies

Dontbeamenace · 31/08/2023 00:52

I'm sure I would prefer private school for my children. Would it matter to you if money was no cost?

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 01/09/2023 00:40

Haven't rtft, but was sent to private school myself and decided never to expose my dc to it
"Well, you wouldn't have gotten those grades if your parents hadn't paid for them" (heard that a lot in later life, even from private school cohorts!)
Missed out on local friendships
Hated the whole private school scene (we weren't rich, most people were and looked down their nose)
Actually feel quite embarrassed when people ask what school I went to!
My dc went to local comp and did great. Dd1 studying law, dd2 about to go away to uni. Ds just entered 5th year. Socially they have all had a far better time than I did, and they are far more street and worldly wise than I was.

TheaBrandt · 01/09/2023 07:38

And pondering on the “making connections” angle dd has been asked on / gone on the following holidays with school friends and she’s only in year 9

snow boarding in alps
two weeks in south of France in posh hotels
villa in Portugal
house in Cornwall

So it’s not necessarily all bad in state 😀

HelpaFriend85 · 01/09/2023 07:43

escapingthecity · 31/08/2023 14:17

Yes. I would want them to have the best chance of being supported and stretched to find their strengths. I had no confidence that would happen in the primary schools near our old house, not least because our DC would be one of a handful of native English speakers in the class. I would also want them to have the opportunity to play sport, do music and arts and have a really rich extra curricular offer. None of the state primaries around us had the resources or staff to be able to offer that.

God forbid they’re not around native English speakers! These low achieving children who might speak another language alongside English!

100% racism here OP and calling you out.

jeaux90 · 01/09/2023 07:50

My DD14 goes to a private all girls school.

You base your decision on what your child needs.

She has ADHD and ASD is bright but finds the large classes and schools in the state sector overwhelming.

She is thriving in the lovely nurturing small all girls school with 10 in a class.

Our local state school is crap for SEN kids.

Also the sexual abuse statistics in mixed sex secondary schools are horrendous.

RamblingRosieLee · 01/09/2023 08:13

Definitely, the ones around us are cosy warm places with a more nurturing individual approach to students.
They are also much better with mild sen than the local schools which are still in the dark ages.

RamblingRosieLee · 01/09/2023 08:14

@jeaux90 exactly.

Unfortunately we can't afford it but my dd is ultra sensitive to huge busy places.

fireplavefish · 01/09/2023 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

fireplavefish · 01/09/2023 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

purpleme12 · 01/09/2023 09:01

Our primary school has a lot of people whose first language isn't English.
Actually is a wonderful school and this itself hasn't held anyone back.

fireplavefish · 01/09/2023 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

purpleme12 · 01/09/2023 09:08

Just because English isn't the children's first language doesn't mean they can't speak it.
They all learn together about reading and writing.

fireplavefish · 01/09/2023 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

HelpaFriend85 · 01/09/2023 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

My first language wasn’t English. I got an A in English Language and an A in English Lit. This country’s problem is its inability to see the value of learning other languages. I could not speak a word of English when I started school.

HelpaFriend85 · 01/09/2023 09:40

A star!! Wouldn’t let me do the star

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/09/2023 09:47

purpleme12 · 01/09/2023 09:08

Just because English isn't the children's first language doesn't mean they can't speak it.
They all learn together about reading and writing.

My DC are bilingual in English and Arabic and generally language acquisition is slower initially although in the long run being multilingual has cognitive benefits beyond simply knowing another language.

The bigger issue is if there are one or two groups that all speak the same language other than English it can lead to groups forming along ethic or language grounds. I didn’t send my DC to a school that had a very high proportion of Arabic speaking children because I wanted them to mix more widely rather than just chatting in Arabic to people they half knew already.

fireplavefish · 01/09/2023 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

HelpaFriend85 · 01/09/2023 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Sorry all, but the OP is a previously banned troll with a new tale each namechange. We've deleted their threads and posts.

Many kids at Private school speak second languages. There is a high proportion of children from Chinese or Indian heritage. You’ve got this wrong. It’s totally based on out l-dated and racist view points.

Xenia · 01/09/2023 10:04

I don't know why people are bothered. If ou are happy with state that's fine. If I am happy with private - that's fine. If state is better than private in someone's view - great - glad to hear my massive taxes are going to good use, but I still was happy with my children's private schools. The state sector itself has rich and poor divides as well such as rich areas of the SE v. my native NE England and vast areas with no grammar schools at all (they were abolished in Newcastle in about 1970).

Luckily we do have quite a few different types of schools (and home education) in the UK so just live and let live. We are awaiting to see what Labour does of course if it wins in Jan 2025 or earlier...... 20% VAT on private schools fees (and university fees and tutoring fees ???) would be a huge change but hopefully should mean those with high paid jobs can still afford fees even if the bursaries etc all have to go and those children go to the state sector of the 500k educated privately in the UK(20% of pupils are in private schools at sixth form level)

ButterRoad · 01/09/2023 10:09

Xenia · 01/09/2023 10:04

I don't know why people are bothered. If ou are happy with state that's fine. If I am happy with private - that's fine. If state is better than private in someone's view - great - glad to hear my massive taxes are going to good use, but I still was happy with my children's private schools. The state sector itself has rich and poor divides as well such as rich areas of the SE v. my native NE England and vast areas with no grammar schools at all (they were abolished in Newcastle in about 1970).

Luckily we do have quite a few different types of schools (and home education) in the UK so just live and let live. We are awaiting to see what Labour does of course if it wins in Jan 2025 or earlier...... 20% VAT on private schools fees (and university fees and tutoring fees ???) would be a huge change but hopefully should mean those with high paid jobs can still afford fees even if the bursaries etc all have to go and those children go to the state sector of the 500k educated privately in the UK(20% of pupils are in private schools at sixth form level)

A typically blinkered and rampantly Tory post from @Xenia. Can you really not see why ‘people are bothered’?

purpleme12 · 01/09/2023 10:13

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/09/2023 09:47

My DC are bilingual in English and Arabic and generally language acquisition is slower initially although in the long run being multilingual has cognitive benefits beyond simply knowing another language.

The bigger issue is if there are one or two groups that all speak the same language other than English it can lead to groups forming along ethic or language grounds. I didn’t send my DC to a school that had a very high proportion of Arabic speaking children because I wanted them to mix more widely rather than just chatting in Arabic to people they half knew already.

Show quote history

This was actually my reservation with my school.
About the social aspect and people leaving other people out.
I actually emailed the reception teacher asking about it and she reassured me and said they all mix etc.
I did send her there and it's all been fine, no one's just spoken in their language or left anyone out.

VestaTilley · 01/09/2023 10:16

I wouldn’t now because they’ve gone very woke, and in the next few years universities and graduate schemes will start to favour state school applicants far more than they do already.

Would I have loved tiny class sizes, loads of sport, art history, Latin, a range of music, massive playing fields, a boat house, a decent school magazine and writing opportunities, and fluent French for my DS? Absolutely. But we could never have afforded it and DH wouldn’t agree to it. And now, because of reasons above, I wouldn’t do it anyway unless DS was very musical/got a scholarship or there were bullying issues etc.

Most people now top up State through tutoring or extra curricular if funds allow. I think the top public schools like Eton and Winchester are probably still worth it- but a local independent down the road probably isn’t better academically than a good state comp. Move to a grammar school area if it’s that important to you.

Positive41 · 01/09/2023 10:38

DryHair · 31/08/2023 09:08

Mine have just left. It was a huge financial struggle as we were both public sector workers. Our local London secondary did not feel safe so our principles went out of the window. My kids seemed to be the only ones who had never flown long-haul or gone skiing, though were never bullied for it. I am still aware it was a privilege to pay the fees.

It has been worth every penny. They have made friends for life and it has been lovely. My kids are not cool but said that even the cool, wealthy and sporty kids were nice. They left school with full sets of 9s and A stars and have all gone to RG universities and Oxbridge. They are inquiring and love to learn.

And because of us, they are grounded.
They are mixed race kids with public sector parents. Maybe this has ‘saved’ them from the posh/elitist mindset. Who knows. But they are kind and decent young adults with no airs or graces.

People who say all private school people are awful are prejudiced. There is a big range. And of course many people you meet, you have no idea where they went to school. Even the nice ones may have been to private school!

My lot recognise their privilege. They had online schooling throughout the pandemic. Even the last couple of years, they have been unaffected by strikes and teacher shortages. It’s a huge ‘top’ London school so they may have been luckier then smaller private schools with recruitment and retention issues.

I have no regrets but wish the local state offering had been better. It’s been an expensive time and I wish we hadn’t ‘needed’ it.

You sound like an amazing parent that did your children well.

Good luck to you all.

RockaLock · 01/09/2023 10:40

I am always a bit puzzled by the view that if private school parents suddenly had to send their child to the local state school, they would get super involved and magically transform the state school into the best school ever.

I mean, how exactly are they meant to do that? I've never seen any actual examples given, other than maybe they might raise some extra funds for the PTA to fund some equipment.

It is surely far more likely that they will simply pay for private tutoring for their child, which will do nothing to address the privilege issues that are so often raised.

JonSnowedUnder · 01/09/2023 10:47

The thing is, this is so area specific. In our area, for my academic, quiet asd boy there are no grammars, one shit state school and one okish massive state school. That's it state wise. We've chosen to go down the private secondary route based on what we felt was best for him. I went to private secondary but wouldn't necessarily recommend it to everyone.

We had about 5 excellent primary schools in our area so didn't consider private. If we'd had a good state school to chose for high school we probably wouldn't have looked at the private options.

So many people on this thread have such a stereotypical view of private schools though. Some schools are very elite and full of extremely wealthy people (some who are nice, some will be twats) but there are lots of private schools which are full of children with parents who have worked hard and made sacrifices because they feel its best for their family.

LolaSmiles · 01/09/2023 10:53

RockaLock
It wouldn't magically improve the struggling schools, but having worked in an area with great state schools and great private ones, my observation is that the parents who value education (and have the financial means to buy in an expensive catchment) will want their children in the great state school. Those parents will also fund a lot of enrichment opportunities and fund a range of private tutors to plug the gaps in the state system. Because the pupils are higher attaining on the whole, the school gets a boost through the school.

If the private schools closed in that area, the parents with money will want to go to the great state schools. The catchment will probably shrink down further and become even more elite.

It might improve the school because you're getting a higher amount of families who value education and have the means to top up, but it definitely won't help other state schools.