Husband said I "reek of abuse and nobody would want me"

[Wonderering]

I've just had a baby and already feeling fragile. Husband like to use my insecurities against me. He previously called me a "stupid molested bitch". I feel so alone. I can't possibly tell anyone I love this or they would absolutely insist I leave him. I know I should leave him but I'm worried my baby would resent me for making him just like me (no father and vulnerable to abuse by stepfather). I feel like such a failure. I'm degree qualified (no career because of him controlling me) but I know I could build myself up, I'm very resilient. His comments hurt me more than for myself, but for the fact that I've made this man my child's father, my child deserves better than this. Please convince me to leave, I know its the right thing to do, I just don't know how to begin. For context he's 25 years older than me and has always made me feel inferior.

What a piece of shit. Find your courage, he is putting you down, abusing you, thinking you'll never find the courage to leave him. Do it you and your baby. You can do it, and you'll both be happier.

So you would rather your child grows up being abused his theyre father rather than step father? right got you

I don't think there's any need to be quite so harsh - OP is coming to terms with her horrendous situation and facing up to what she has to do; a little compassion and understanding wouldn't go amiss.

You must believe that you can leave. And then you will. Just like that.

Mumsnet makes me really sad. Every day I read about men treating their partners (and sometimes kids) like absolute shit. It makes me realise how common it is to be abused by a man. If not physically then emotionally, financially, sexually. It's a real life horror show on here daily. I feel desperately sorry for all these women and hope with all my heart they find the strength to leave.

I read the title and instantly I know that this man is abusive. He told you no one would want you? Seriously? A common form of abuse is making the abusers partner believe they are in the wrong. Please leave this man before things get even worse.

Please contact womensaid

they can help you get out

they are lovely and will offer you support to recognise and avoid this behaviour in future

you won’t have an issue with a step father as you will always put your child first, protecting them and ditching anyone you date at the first alight sign of a warning sign

Ask yourself….the way your husband is behaving towards you…would you actually trust him with your baby alone now or to even nurture it as they grow up or will he be putting the baby down all the time too

they helped me 15 years ago, forever grateful. Speak to them, your health visitor anyone but get help to get out and get a divorce from that vile man

The longer you stay with him, the harder it will be to leave him. You could meanwhile sign up to the Freedom Programme.

Just when I think I've read the worst something pops up to trump it. Those are the cruellest words to direct at a partner. Men like that deserve to be lonely old and die alone they don't deserve love and companionship.

OMG, this made me cry. Please, please leave. For your own sake and that of your baby. You both deserve so much better.

He is just scum. Please contact Womens aid, they will help you.

I got me and my DC away from their nasty alcoholic 'dad' and they have never resented me for a minute. It was absolutely the right thing for all of us, just as it is for you two. I wish you strength and luck.

Best thing my mum did was getting rid of my dad. Mum was happier we were happier. Do it for you op, leave asap. Tell your family and let them support and care for you through this. It won’t be easy and you’ll need your strength but do lean on your family. It’s only going to get worse if you stay.

much love and hope you can leave and be safe as soon as possible

How are doing, OP? Xxx

Leave him now. It's easier to leave with a baby when it is when they are older.
Do this for you and that baby of yours.
Lots of love x

Start talking about what he says. Tell people. Dont keep it a secret as that's keeping your abuser protected

Leaving is the best possible thing you can do for your baby. Do you have a son? Do you want this man to be his primary male role model? Growing up to be just like him.
Perhaps you have a daughter. You would be her primary role model. Imagine teaching her that women simply accept abuse from their partners.

How are things, OP xx