DH just admitted to having intrusive thoughts, how do I help?

[elm26]

DH and I have a beautiful 14 week old DD, we had 13 miscarriages before her unexplained so she really is a little miracle to us.

I have a history of anxiety and depression including intrusive thoughts but DH doesn't have any kind of MH history.

He is the most amazing Dad and Husband, he really adores our Daughter and is hands on.

Recently, he hasn't been able to fall asleep like he used to be able to, he gets fidgety and a racing heart to the point he has to get out of bed and lay on the sofa and put the TV on.

Tonight he told me he has been having what he described as horrible "daydreams" he said we were just sitting there watching tv with DD in his arms and he was stroking her leg with his thumb and he said he thought what if he accidentally broke her leg and then he pictured getting her to the hospital and trying to explain it. Also, he is a confident driver but he was driving with her the other evening and he said he felt really panicky then too, that it was dark and he didn't know 100% that she was okay in the back if that makes sense.

I recognise this as intrusive thoughts as I used to get them quite bad and had them on and off for a few weeks post partum.

DH doesn't want tablets but I think maybe a short course of something like propanalol may do him good.

Any advice? Would really like to help him through this. I think as he's never experienced anxiety before, he's struggling to admit that it is anxiety.

I'm so glad PP have already offered really useful advice. I used to get intrusive thoughts that started when my first DC was born. I then had CBT which helped so much and gave me effective strategies to deal with it.
Congratulations on your DD, OP. It's great that your DH was able to communicate his fears to you and while I wholeheartedly recommend CBT I know it's not for everyone.
Lots of love to you all

The loony bin?!? Nice.

What a ridiculous post. Fortunately attitudes to mental health have moved on somewhat from here.

This is common. I’m sure lack of sleep contributed to mine. I took propanolol and an AD for about 9 months and it really helped (I had post natal anxiety and OCD according to the doc)

Can’t reiterate enough how positive it is that your DH said it. I bet you are proud of him, I would be.
Anyway that aside, there is plenty of options available for help. In my area you can make a self referral to people called Talk Changes. As your baby is small, DH should be spoken to by someone fairly quickly. I don’t know if they would even make a prescription, your DH may feel that simply talking to someone may help.
I would also encourage him to speak to any dad mates he may have. Being a parent can be incredibly isolating, there is nothing worse for anxiety than feeling alone.

I think some intrusive thoughts are normal and natural Your brain is alerting you to the myriad of dangers you need to be aware of now.
I would have thought it's only an issue if it affects your ability to live your life normally

Can't believe the amount of support on this post. Thanks so much everyone. DH has a drs appt on Tuesday and the receptionist said this is really common and they usually do a referral for CBT or another therapy.

DH seems so much happier since telling me about it.

@jimmyhill I'm not even going to quote what you said but like a PP mentioned, thank goodness we've come a long way when it comes to speaking up about MH and suffering. If he ever did have to go to the "loony bin" I'd be there by his side to support him. I pity the people in your life that are unable to confide in you if this is your attitude.

I suffered with intrusive thoughts for a long time and they were at their worst when I was pregnant and post partum. Now they don't plague me as much and I can see them for what they are... the complete opposite of my actual character and desires. That was why they were so shocking and upsetting. Everyone has intrusive thoughts but whilst many people can dismiss them, others give weight to the thoughts and become extremely distressed by them. It is our actions that define us not our thoughts. You can literally think whatever and it doesn't make you a bad person. What helped me was a cbt session. The therapist asked me to write down what makes a bad person eg a murderer, abuser etc. Once I had, she then said ' so where do you fit into this with your thoughts?" That session changed my life and helped my recovery. I hope this eases for him soon.

Being by your side for so many lost babies must take a huge mental toll on him, too.

The perceived fragility of this new life must be terrifying.

He needs help - start with the GP and don't try to diagnose or recommend medication for him yourself.