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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD to understand that unfortunately we can’t take everything

117 replies

Runningthroughthecountryside · 30/08/2023 20:55

Aibu to expect DD to understand that we can’t take everything with (on the plane) us and that some of them will have to go in the container? I’ve got a very upset DD because we are moving to Australia and I’ve told DD that unfortunately all of her soft toys can’t come on the plane/suitcase and some will have to go in the container. She wants them all to either go in the suitcase or hand luggage but I’ve told her there’s too many for them all to go on the plane with us and some will have to go in the container. She’s extremely upset but I’m not sure what I can do as there’s too many to take on the plane and in the suitcase so some will need to go in the container unfortunately. DD has spent most of the day upset over it, I am sympathetic as I know she loves her soft toys but as there’s so many of them some will have to go in the container unfortunately.

OP posts:
gabagood · 30/08/2023 20:56

How old is DD?

Original poster
Runningthroughthecountryside · 30/08/2023 20:57

gabagood · 30/08/2023 20:56

How old is DD?

9

OP posts:
Jewelanemone · 30/08/2023 20:58

Old enough to understand, then.

continentallentil · 30/08/2023 20:58

Sure.

Just tell her how it is, to pick the ones she wants to take while the rest of them keep each other company in her suitcase and have a fine old time (I’m assuming she is tiny)

You cannot and shouldn’t try to avoid kids getting upset sometimes. You can support them but it is a natural and important part of getting to understand the world.

Smartiepants79 · 30/08/2023 21:00

Well then you just need to keep telling her that!
Get her to pick out a specific number to take on the plane and then think about how she could pack up the others in a way that maybe helps her?
Get a lovely new box/case to pack them up in with blankets and stuff? So they’re all comfy and safe. Make a big thing about making their travel space nice?
In the end you just have to stick to your guns. What she wants isn’t possible.

Namechangedforthis2244 · 30/08/2023 21:00

I expect that the upset is at the upheaval of moving, leaving friends and what she knows, new house, new life etc and that it’s just coming out about the toys.

I think I’d ask “are the toys feeling a bit worried about the move to Australia “ and see what she says.

Anselve · 30/08/2023 21:00

You know she’s just scared about a big move. If you can find a way to reassure her about that then she will probably be reassured about her soft toys.

YourNameGoesHere · 30/08/2023 21:00

I would imagine this is a way of her processing the move. She's clearly worried about leaving people behind and that's being manifested in focusing on leaving behind her toys.

continentallentil · 30/08/2023 21:00

Oh blimey if she’s 9 and NT just be firm - tell her to pick 2 for her hand luggage or you will.

If this is her acting out over moving to Oz then talk to her about that separately. It sounds like she may be projecting.

wellandtruly · 30/08/2023 21:00

YANBU. Just tell her how it is.

Miriam101 · 30/08/2023 21:01

9 is old enough to understand that if she rams her hand luggage full of teddies she won’t have any room for snacks/tablets/cushions/headphones/magazines/books- ie anything that will make the flight vaguely bearable. Would it be worth spelling that out to her?

Also, could this be her anxiety about such a big move coming out sideways? I’d let her choose her favourite cuddly to take with her on the plane and try to talk through any worries or sadness she may have

RejectedAgainandAgain · 30/08/2023 21:01

Does she realise what a container is and that the contents will be moving with you? Or have you just assumed she understands the logistics?

Simonjt · 30/08/2023 21:02

Yep, we’ve just moved abroad (not as far!) and it’s been very hard getting our eight year old to understand that we won’t be able to take everything. We’ve tried to prioritise his things as much as possible, as its a huge change for him, but even so, somethings did have to go.

TeenLifeMum · 30/08/2023 21:03

Does she understand what a container means?

2 cuddlies on the plane, 5 in a suitcase and the rest will join you in x days/weeks and they can tell her all about their adventures.

9 is little and a move to Australia is huge.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 30/08/2023 21:03

I'd also tell her you just can't, and to pick one or two favourites she really wants to take on the plane.
She might well be struggling with the upheaval. Could you make a game of it, tell her to pack the animals and slip in a story or a game they can play while they're travelling, put some little empty packets of things inside and when she opens it you can say oh look they had a little feast on their journey etc
She'll obviously see through it but might help to sweeten the deal?

I'd usually agree with making kids accept the inevitable but this might be about the move itself rather than the toys?

monpetitlapin · 30/08/2023 21:04

"Choose two to go with you, all the rest are going to have a big adventure on a boat and we'll see them when they arrive!"

FullFatPhil · 30/08/2023 21:08

If you repeat the word "container" as much as you do in your OP then no wonder she's got a complex about it.

Tell her they are going on a boat trip ffs

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 30/08/2023 21:10

You can find out what boat your container is on and track it - so she will be able to see their journey. It might reassure her that she will see them again.

Redpepperss · 30/08/2023 21:10

Namechangedforthis2244 · 30/08/2023 21:00

I expect that the upset is at the upheaval of moving, leaving friends and what she knows, new house, new life etc and that it’s just coming out about the toys.

I think I’d ask “are the toys feeling a bit worried about the move to Australia “ and see what she says.

Good idea

doroda · 30/08/2023 21:11

I don't think the upset is over the cuddly toys OP

Whitepaleness · 30/08/2023 21:11

Yep I agree this is deeper than just toys

SlashBeef · 30/08/2023 21:13

Namechangedforthis2244 · 30/08/2023 21:00

I expect that the upset is at the upheaval of moving, leaving friends and what she knows, new house, new life etc and that it’s just coming out about the toys.

I think I’d ask “are the toys feeling a bit worried about the move to Australia “ and see what she says.

Agree with this. My 8yo DD anxieties come out in all sorts of odd ways. Try to address the underlying worry rather than the obvious behaviour.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 30/08/2023 21:19

Namechangedforthis2244 · 30/08/2023 21:00

I expect that the upset is at the upheaval of moving, leaving friends and what she knows, new house, new life etc and that it’s just coming out about the toys.

I think I’d ask “are the toys feeling a bit worried about the move to Australia “ and see what she says.

I agree.

Perhaps she just needs a bit of extra love and effort and maybe decorating the suitcase and giving her teddies a blanket for the journey might help.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 30/08/2023 21:19

Also tell her that let’s go in the same place and there are also people making sure everyone’s pets and personal items are kept safe.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 30/08/2023 21:20

*pets