Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD to understand that unfortunately we can’t take everything

117 replies

Runningthroughthecountryside · 30/08/2023 20:55

Aibu to expect DD to understand that we can’t take everything with (on the plane) us and that some of them will have to go in the container? I’ve got a very upset DD because we are moving to Australia and I’ve told DD that unfortunately all of her soft toys can’t come on the plane/suitcase and some will have to go in the container. She wants them all to either go in the suitcase or hand luggage but I’ve told her there’s too many for them all to go on the plane with us and some will have to go in the container. She’s extremely upset but I’m not sure what I can do as there’s too many to take on the plane and in the suitcase so some will need to go in the container unfortunately. DD has spent most of the day upset over it, I am sympathetic as I know she loves her soft toys but as there’s so many of them some will have to go in the container unfortunately.

OP posts:
Changethetoner · 31/08/2023 01:21

You can't expect her to understand, but you can help her to understand. As the adult, it's your role.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/08/2023 02:39

She's moving to the other side of the world - it's normal for her to feel upset!

I wonder if you are giving too much choice - tell her how many will fit and ask her to choose. Give her a more comforting narrative for the others than "going in the container". They are travelling my ship, and have a nice comfy box to travel in.

shitt · 31/08/2023 03:05

You’re obv not being unreasonable but it’s an example of parenting challenges which you’ll face again and again. You need to get a steer on how to handle it. At 9 you can tell her the truth about things and she will likely understand. EG Aeroplanes have limited space and need to be shared by everyone, all children have equal space on the plane and they need space for their toys too. So she needs to choose the special ones to bring with her, and the rest will be safely transported blah blah

shitt · 31/08/2023 03:12

Others are right that she’s likely overwhelmed by the thought of moving across the country. You can’t expect a 9 year old to know the logistics but you can help them understand. Even me, as a grown adult, would think it’s a faff moving everything I own across the globe and would be unsure of how that might play out, of course a 9 year old would lack clarity. She’s running off imagination, not personal experience. Maybe include her in the process a bit more?

sashh · 31/08/2023 04:40

Post them air mail?

At 9 she wants as much familiar things as she can.

Or put an ad in TNT and recruit Antipodeans to take one each.

OCaptain · 31/08/2023 05:07

Perhaps have her write an illustrated story to help the soft toys understand what will happen at every stage of their exciting journey. This will her process her own journey, and she can keep the storybook with her on the plane.

sashh · 31/08/2023 05:21

Just one other thought OP could you talk nicely to the airline? I once manged to get South African airlines to take a package of bras for free. And I don't mean a couple. Soft toys are not heavy and flight crews have families.

manova366 · 31/08/2023 05:42

sashh · 31/08/2023 05:21

Just one other thought OP could you talk nicely to the airline? I once manged to get South African airlines to take a package of bras for free. And I don't mean a couple. Soft toys are not heavy and flight crews have families.

This isn't the solution. What if every family with a 9 year old wants to bring a bag of cuddly toys because the child is upset?

Your child should be old enough to understand at an intellectual level about the toys, but you are being unreasonable to expect "understanding" to equal "not being upset". She's upset (maybe about the toys, but more likely about moving countries!) and your job as her parent is to help her with those feelings. You can't rationalise away a child's feelings anymore than you can rationalise away an adult's.

LifeIsShambolic · 31/08/2023 05:49

Perhaps if you say container to her one more time she might finally understand?

PickledPurplePickle · 31/08/2023 06:08

This isn't about toys - this is the straw that broke the camel's back for her. Her whole world is being turned upside down and she is clinging on to what she knows and feels like she has control over

You need to handle this extremely carefully.

sashh · 31/08/2023 06:24

manova366 · 31/08/2023 05:42

This isn't the solution. What if every family with a 9 year old wants to bring a bag of cuddly toys because the child is upset?

Your child should be old enough to understand at an intellectual level about the toys, but you are being unreasonable to expect "understanding" to equal "not being upset". She's upset (maybe about the toys, but more likely about moving countries!) and your job as her parent is to help her with those feelings. You can't rationalise away a child's feelings anymore than you can rationalise away an adult's.

Show quote history

I was meaning in the hold not the cabin.

Cathaymum · 31/08/2023 06:27

pay for an extra bag for her to fill with her stuffed toys or Use a courier company like “send my bag dot com” to get the stuffed toys to Oz quicker (3-4 days) than your container which she probably knows will take much longer.

it’s important to her. She is having a huge change emigrating to another continent & whilst they are just “things” in her 9 year old brain this is massively distressing.

good luck with your move down under. 💐

https://www.sendmybag.com/en-gb/

Send Luggage and Ship Boxes with Send My Bag® Luggage Courier and Delivery Service

Send baggage using Send My Bag’s luggage courier and delivery service. Use our courier service to send your luggage anywhere in the world whether travelling, moving abroad or heading to college or university. Get an instant quote today.

https://www.sendmybag.com/en-gb/

TizerorFizz · 31/08/2023 08:18

Hope the extreme heat in Aus is worth it. I’d stay here with the toys!!

TerrorAustralis · 31/08/2023 08:57

I did an overseas move with a 10-year-old last year. He's incredibly attached to his soft toys, so I have an idea of what your DD might be like.

  1. Make sure she actually understands what 'go in the container' means. Explain that the things in your house will be packed up into cardboard boxes and put into a giant metal box, which will then travel on a ship and be delivered to your new house. Photos of container ships might help, and I like the suggestion to tell her the toys have already been in a container to get to the UK. Reassure her that your things aren't going to get mixed up with other people's stuff.
  2. Get her suitcase and hand luggage bag out. Explain that all the things she takes on the plane need to fit into them. Write up a packing list together. As well as clothes, she will also want to take some other toys, games and books. Work out together which are the best ones to take (smallest, lightest, or the ones she uses/reads the most).
  3. Use a vacuum bag as suggested by PPs. She will be able to fit a lot more in, as long as she doesn't mind them being a bit squished.
  4. Keep reassuring her that everything that gets packed in the container will be delivered to you a few weeks after you arrive (possible underestimation, but it's probably not wise to tell her it could take months).
  5. If you have a house lined up, let her look at pictures of it as often as she likes to help imagine her new room. I know it's not the case for all moves, but we knew where we were going to be living, so DS could see the house and new room.
nameitagain · 31/08/2023 11:33

You have said 'go in the container' 5 times. I think we understood after the first time

zingally · 31/08/2023 12:11

This is just the off-shoot of a bigger issue. This is a little child feeling a bit rattled about a big move, and there's not much you can really do about that.

Perhaps the teddies in the container can have a brand new box and blankets to travel with? Maybe your DD could write them a letter, or paint a picture they can have with them?

Maybe the teddies could also "write" to your DD on their travels? About where they are in the world, what they've seen, and what fun they're having?

TizerorFizz · 31/08/2023 16:34

This is a 9 year old! Pre school
ideas seem a bit patronising. My DDs, when 9, would have never believed any of this. And would have thought I was mad. Far better to deal with the underlying issue. Leaving friends, other family (probably), changing school and fear of the unknown. The toy issue is nothing when compared to the other things the parents are doing with the family.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page