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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD to understand that unfortunately we can’t take everything

117 replies

Runningthroughthecountryside · 30/08/2023 20:55

Aibu to expect DD to understand that we can’t take everything with (on the plane) us and that some of them will have to go in the container? I’ve got a very upset DD because we are moving to Australia and I’ve told DD that unfortunately all of her soft toys can’t come on the plane/suitcase and some will have to go in the container. She wants them all to either go in the suitcase or hand luggage but I’ve told her there’s too many for them all to go on the plane with us and some will have to go in the container. She’s extremely upset but I’m not sure what I can do as there’s too many to take on the plane and in the suitcase so some will need to go in the container unfortunately. DD has spent most of the day upset over it, I am sympathetic as I know she loves her soft toys but as there’s so many of them some will have to go in the container unfortunately.

OP posts:
Icycloud · 30/08/2023 22:24

You’ve said they need to go in the container so many times it’s funny 😂
well she doesn’t understand about luggage rules and why they’re in place, she just thinks you’re being annoying for no reason that’s what she will think

Ghosttofu99 · 30/08/2023 22:25

Is it possible to turn it into something fun. Example: could she write a story about the adventures that they (the toys) are going to have while on the journey. Or draw them a picture or some other kind of transitional activity to make it more about seeing the toys again at the new home rather than worrying about them not being there. Sounds like she is struggling with the upheaval.

TiaraBoo · 30/08/2023 22:26

Can you call it a toy box? They’ll be looking after your/out stuff in the giant toy box.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/08/2023 22:27

Did you ever get around to explaining that the container isn't like the big recycling bins at the supermarket and it means the stuff inside - including her toys - will be joining her in her new bedroom?

Or did you just assume she would understand what you mean?

RicherThanYews · 30/08/2023 22:28

Idk if this will help but when I had to do similar with my son I bought 2 small fleece blankets, (cheap, small, thin, easy to pack) one went with the soft toys and one went in the hand luggage. He found it easier knowing that they were still connected in that small way :)

Andthereyougo · 30/08/2023 22:34

RicherThanYews · 30/08/2023 22:28

Idk if this will help but when I had to do similar with my son I bought 2 small fleece blankets, (cheap, small, thin, easy to pack) one went with the soft toys and one went in the hand luggage. He found it easier knowing that they were still connected in that small way :)

@RicherThanYews thats a lovely idea.
Even just a regular house move can be more stressful for kids than we realise, we think adults have all the stress with the agent, solicitors idiot buyers who lie, but children feel it too.
Good luck with the move and the next big life adventure, OP.

EarthSight · 30/08/2023 22:34

'The Container' sounds quite scary. Maybe it's too late to change your wording now but I would call it downstairs of the plane.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 30/08/2023 22:34

Oh I would get a trusted relative to send them on by post/carrier/whatever to arrive a few days later.
I felt the same about my bears when I was a child and one of my dds, this would be a deal breaker, especially at 9.

Itsokay2020 · 30/08/2023 22:38

Namechangedforthis2244 · 30/08/2023 21:00

I expect that the upset is at the upheaval of moving, leaving friends and what she knows, new house, new life etc and that it’s just coming out about the toys.

I think I’d ask “are the toys feeling a bit worried about the move to Australia “ and see what she says.

This!

JenniferBarkley · 30/08/2023 22:55

Poor thing, I feel for her. Of course she understands the logistics, but she doesn't like it and is upset about it. As others have said this is a massive upheaval for her and of course there will be upset, the soft toys probably won't be the end of it.

Just reassure her that they'll be well packed and you'll make sure they get to her as quickly as possible.

Switcher · 30/08/2023 22:56

EarthSight · 30/08/2023 22:34

'The Container' sounds quite scary. Maybe it's too late to change your wording now but I would call it downstairs of the plane.

It's not...it's on a boat. I've done this move in reverse. I was 13 though, whole different deal.

AdoraBell · 30/08/2023 23:00

Tell her the ones in the container are there to make sure everything is packed and transported properly. Then they can inspect their new home when they arrive.

Titfortat78 · 30/08/2023 23:03

Unless she has special needs. My autistic daughter and autistic nephew were very attached to their cuddly toys until well into their teens. DD collected build a bear's and had quite a collection. The accessories she wanted cost enough to make my eyes water. But she used Christmas and birthday money to buy them.

BadNomad · 30/08/2023 23:04

The word "container" has lost all meaning.

Glitterbaby17 · 30/08/2023 23:05

Cuddlies are quite light and luggage is normally done on weight - is there no way she can take them? Even if you hit up Kmart for some cheap clothes when you get there - you will be arriving into spring so may not need as much clothing depending on where you are heading. We moved back from Aus and it was super stressful for my daughter. A box on our container disappeared (she was 4) and she still mourns ‘big elephant’ and a few other things that disappeared.

Or the idea to use one of the box sending services is also a good one. It’s a huge move for kids.

theclockticksslowly · 30/08/2023 23:06

My same age DC would be exactly the same - her soft toys are like family, all have names, personalities etc She role plays with them.

your DD’s reaction is probably a mix of upset of sticking her beloved toys in a box to go in a bigger box on a big ship for weeks on end and a reaction to the move itself.

as Pp have said, take the opportunity to discuss how she is feeling about the move using her thoughts about her toys as a starter. Then reassure her they will be fine, will have a great adventure and once she gets to Australia she can spend the time waiting getting their new home ready for them and throw a welcome party once they arrive! (A PP also mentioned sticking snacks in for them - as others have pointed out do not put food in! But perhaps she could put some packs of biscuits etc in then before you seal the boxes up (when she’s not around), take them out and empty/eat them and put the empty and rinsed out packets in so when they do arrive in Australia she’ll have the ‘magic’ Of them having eaten their snacks on the way!

it’s easy for people to say she’s old enough to understand but for some children they can understand it but it can still be upsetting for them. It’s such a big move - if trying to make this seemingly minor issue a little easier for her then it’s worth it.

OilOfRoses · 30/08/2023 23:07

Chances are your DD will see the container if it's parked up near your house for a day or two. They aren't pretty. Even if it's not really about the toys, would she feel better if you packed up the ones that she can't take on the plane in a box (make them all cosy with blankets and things) and post them so they'll just be away from her for a few days/couple of weeks, rather than several months? It might make it a bit easier for her.

wobbledobbleflobble2 · 30/08/2023 23:08

DD goes in the container with the toys. Don't know what all the fuss is about.

JenniferBarkley · 30/08/2023 23:16

AdoraBell · 30/08/2023 23:00

Tell her the ones in the container are there to make sure everything is packed and transported properly. Then they can inspect their new home when they arrive.

So many suggestions like this on the thread but I really don't think they're going to fly with a nine year old.

GrimGrinningGhosts · 30/08/2023 23:20

Ah bless her. Funny creatures nine year olds, incredibly grown up and wanting space one day and then needing a cuddly toy and comfort the next.

I agree with the others, it’s something else manifesting itself as this particular worry. It must be really hard to pack up your life and move to the other side of the world OP, you’re braver than me, and your DD is feeling a bit of that. Can you go shopping for cuddly toy nets? Something for her to plan for her new room? Make little labels like Paddington had with their names on? And when you’re doing it have a chat about how it’s normal to be a bit nervous of a big new adventure.
good luck.

Sashimito · 30/08/2023 23:21

I would have been so upset in the same situation. My teddies were like my family to me. I often got out of bed and slept on the floor so they could have more space.

I maybe would have been OK if I was allowed to pack them in a way that I know they would be comfortable and if there was a story of them going on an adventure.

For those you mentioned the autism link, I've never heard this, but surprise surprise, was diagnosed as an adult. @ReleasetheCrackHen - can you elaborate on this being a flag for autism?

Masterofhappydays · 30/08/2023 23:23

She’s 9, she’s old enough to understand. She’s also very lucky you guys got a container to ship so she can bring those items.
On a brighter note: Our children were 6, 9 and 10 when we moved here (Aus). They were all reluctant, scared and excited. They’re 14, 17 and 18 now and they all claim moving here was the best move. They’ve thrived here. I hope your daughter will too. Good luck :-)

Clymene · 30/08/2023 23:28

Does she want to move to Australia?

Annoyingnamechangerperson · 30/08/2023 23:39

Can you either use one of those vacuum bags so she can take all her stuffed toys with her or if that’s not possible can you decorate a cardboard moving box together with pictures/ nice paper / blankets etc so that her bears are ‘safe’ for the journey?
The book ‘the invisible string’ may also help her, not just with the bears but with the people and friends she is leaving behind.
I have a 9 year old and when she is in a situation she can’t control and is anxious it tends to come out like this.
She’s taking control of what she can in the midst of the ‘chaos’

rainbowsparkle28 · 30/08/2023 23:44

Not much to add but agree with what others have said in suggesting A) this is her processing the massive move and transition, possible anxieties around this and not just about "the toys" and B) is she definitely clear on what you mean by the container, i.e. they will be going on a boat and then will arrive in a while at the new place? She may not understand this without this being spelt out to her. She is still so little really. Best of luck with the move.