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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DD to understand that unfortunately we can’t take everything

117 replies

Runningthroughthecountryside · 30/08/2023 20:55

Aibu to expect DD to understand that we can’t take everything with (on the plane) us and that some of them will have to go in the container? I’ve got a very upset DD because we are moving to Australia and I’ve told DD that unfortunately all of her soft toys can’t come on the plane/suitcase and some will have to go in the container. She wants them all to either go in the suitcase or hand luggage but I’ve told her there’s too many for them all to go on the plane with us and some will have to go in the container. She’s extremely upset but I’m not sure what I can do as there’s too many to take on the plane and in the suitcase so some will need to go in the container unfortunately. DD has spent most of the day upset over it, I am sympathetic as I know she loves her soft toys but as there’s so many of them some will have to go in the container unfortunately.

OP posts:
Papillon23 · 30/08/2023 21:20

I mean I can tell you as an adult, that when I was 9 you could have said as many times as you liked that my toys had to go on a container and I would still have been utterly utterly devastated.

I had about 8-10 I slept with every night and I would 1000x have rather had them in my hand luggage than drinks, snacks or indeed anything. I'd have preferred to rotate through an absolutely minimal amount of clothing etc than let them be away for weeks or months.

I would have been able to divvy my toys up into two categories - there would have been plenty more beyond that 8-10 that could have gone onto the ship, but a favoured one or two would have been incredibly upsetting.

I get that I was probably a weird child but please don't assume she'll definitely get over it if you just tell her to suck it up.

cocksstrideintheevening · 30/08/2023 21:26

She's moving to Australia, she probably doesn't fully grasp it, let her take as much as she can hand luggage. We always have this saga just going on holiday for a couple of weeks. We've had extra luggage for the toys before.

ohhhhfffsss · 30/08/2023 21:29

The move is the issue, not the soft toys.

IME, role play with toys helps children to process difficult things. The toys might need to talk to her, as she might listen to them when she won't listen to you @Runningthroughthecountryside

Goldbar · 30/08/2023 21:30

I would tell her not to worry, all the container cuddlies will be having their own container party and it will be so much nicer for them than being stuffed in a suitcase or on the plane.

Then I would arrange the teddies artistically with cups and plates on a picnic rug with cardboard boxes piled up and an Australian flag pinned behind them, and take a photo of them having fun at their "container party" to give to her on the plane.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 30/08/2023 21:31

This post cannot be real. "I don't know what to do because there are too many to go know the plane".

scrantonelectriccity · 30/08/2023 21:32

Will some have to go in the container?

MiddleParking · 30/08/2023 21:33

Is this an attempt at subliminal marketing for containers? The repetition made my eyes twitch. No wonder she’s pissed off.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 30/08/2023 21:37

How many are there? You could try Sherpr or UPS. They ship luggage/sports/boxes and such for international Uni students in 24-48hrs as they fly fairly cheaply.

https://www.sherpr.com/en/

Theyd come by the house grab a big box or luggage full of toys day before your flight and then they’d deliver to your destination right after you arrive. It’s much faster than a container as they take their own flight.

To expect DD to understand that unfortunately we can’t take everything
Goldbar · 30/08/2023 21:37

scrantonelectriccity · 30/08/2023 21:32

Will some have to go in the container?

😂.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 30/08/2023 21:39

*sorry the 24-48hrs is from ordering to them picking them up from your house. It’s the 4-5days to get to Australia per my screen shot :)

readbooksdrinktea · 30/08/2023 21:40

This is not about cuddly toys. 'In the container' also sounds like you're throwing them out. Nine-year-old me would have been upset.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 30/08/2023 21:46

I moved my 7yo from USA to U.K., and she also had huge family (not a collection) of plushie toys- they are her family and are named and have personalities. I shipped them by Sherpr. Thank God they do not weigh much and I could vacuum bag them when she wasn’t looking.

I did not realise it at the time, but this was a key flag that she is autistic. She’s now diagnosed as on the spectrum big time. I felt a real push over of a parent doing it to avoid the “tantrums and tears” at the time, but knowing now she is autistic I realise in hindsight it was worth every penny to be able to say some of her family had to take a longer flight and go on ahead but would catch up with us. It’s hard on the DC when everything else has to go on a container on a ship and take a couple months. Especially if you have a house purchase and temporary furnished housing in the interim in the new country to wait for.

LaPerduta · 30/08/2023 21:47

If you explain it in the same manner as you've written your OP, no wonder she's confused and upset. You've said the same thing five times, for goodness' sake!

PenguinLove1 · 30/08/2023 21:47

Buy a vacuum bag and let her shove as many as she can in that - you will be able to get them pretty flat and then it will fit in a suitcase no problem.

But i also agree, this is worries about the move coming out in her toys, try to get her to talk them through. And explain the fun boat trip they will have to her rather than talk about a container - maybe it sounds a bit scary and she is worried they will get lost?

CheeseAndRainAddict · 30/08/2023 21:49

As others have said, which ones does your DD want to go on an adventure to a tropical island?

Tbh I've worked with young children so I'm happy to humor them rather than just be a 'ffs just tell her' kinda person.

I'd put a pack of sweets in there that she likes, then when the containers arrive I'd sneak a pack of new sweets in too (Australian sweets are a little different) so she can start experiencing the change in a positive way

Move is gonna be huge for all of you - I live abroad too so know what moving countries is like. Congrats!!

SM4713 · 30/08/2023 21:51

I did a similar move aged 8- but to a country I'd never heard of! I was show videos, although they were very outdated, it gave me more of an idea of where we were headed.

Could you show her some youtube videos of the place/town/city/school/house you are going to? She might have images of snakes, spiders, kangaroos in the garden etc.

I agree with explaining that the other teddies are going on a cruise ship/boat to get there. Another option could be putting some in one of those vacuum bags, suck the air out and either take in suitcase, or post via royal mail. Surface mail is the cheapest.

ReleasetheCrackHen · 30/08/2023 21:52

I'd put a pack of sweets in there that she likes
Not in the boxes for the container! Are you trying to get her plushies all rat or mice infested?

Poppyblush · 30/08/2023 21:54

Could you assign each toy in the container a buddy or to look after something?

Gnomegnomegnome · 30/08/2023 21:57

Container
Container
Container
Container
Container
Container
Container
Container

sorry, I can’t hear you from my Container.

Gnomegnomegnome · 30/08/2023 21:57

It’s a funny word

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/08/2023 21:58

I mean, you could tell her that all the cuddlies are shipped to the UK IN containers before they even make it into stores, so these teddies are already container experts. They won't mind. They've done it before.

EggBoxed · 30/08/2023 22:04

Vacuum bag them. They shrink down loads and so she will be able to get more into her bag. It is a big move - yes at 9 she can understand that luggage is limited but it is a big move and she is telling you what will make her feel settled. You may still not be able to take them all but she will see that you are listening to her and understand.

SM4713 · 30/08/2023 22:05

I'd put a pack of sweets in there that she likes- DO NOT do this!

Not only is this a nightmare customs wise having the declare sweets etc, but the vermin risk. When we emigrated elsewhere, my aunt have packed a sealed, Christmas pudding in the shipment. I will never forget the box being opened, and the sea of cockroaches and bugs which flowed out like a river across the floor. 😱

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/08/2023 22:19

Why on earth did you tell her they were going in a container?

They're going on a cruise, they're looking forward to it and xx and yy teddy are coming in the plane because they get seasick/are allergic to shellfish/some other BS that works well.

But echo PP's, this is about the enormity of packing up a life and taking it to the other side of the world.

Lovemusic82 · 30/08/2023 22:22

You can vacuum pack soft toys to make more fit in the suit case? 😁

My dd loves all her teddies. She’s 19 (has autism), last year she went to uni and wanted to take them all with her, she couldn’t take all of them as there wasn’t room in the car or in her uni room.

Your dd is probably stressed about the move, her teddies are like family so she wants to keep them all safe and close, sadly she can’t take them all and some will have to travel in the container. She will have to chose her favourite to travel with her. She is old enough to understand but she’s stressed and anxious. Be gentle with her.

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