To feel hurt

[Bananaandmarmite]

My Dh has history of being spiteful. He is at work as well as at home. He’s very corporate and sees it as his way of getting what he wants. He admits he manipulates the truth to his advantage to get a deal. He always wants to be the best at everything.

Anyway, currently on holiday with two teens. Hes had several dramatic moments whereby he thinks he’s being ridiculed (entertainment night in hotel etc).

The other morning I went to the gym with my eldest daughter. We often run together.

on out return we were telling him about this guy in the gym and what he’d said to us about running etc. Was a very lighthearted conversation.
we saw the same guy at dinner and said hello as we passed.
Dh has gone mad with me. Told me I’ve obviously been flirting with someone in the gym. That I then ‘went out of my way’ to speak to him in the hotel too. How I’ve disrespected him. How it’s evident or ‘go for anything with a pulse’ and that I ‘may as well walk round the pool and chat to the blokes there too as that’s my style’.
I was so so shocked and hurt. I’ve never flirted with anyone else. I’ve been with Dh for 24 years!

since then he’s said things like ‘all that running you do, and you’ve lost no weight at all, I’m surprised really’

he’s called me a fucking bitch because I was led on the duvet while setting the alarm on my phone. He couldn’t cover himself up for those 30 seconds.

the worst tho was last night, he said ‘you need to go back to the doctors and sort those patches out, they’re shit!’ Referring to the HRT patches I’ve been on for 2 months. It took me a lot to go on them as I had a lot of concerns but was in a dark place so felt it was the last resort. I hadn’t told him to begin with because he uses ‘time of the month’ as a throw away comment whenever anything goes wrong between us.

aibu? To feel hurt? I’ve spoken to day about it and he’s refusing to apologise because he says it’s all true.

Im sat on a sunbed worrying about going home. I can’t talk to 50% of the population without him getting jealous. And now I feel shit again about my patches. I’ve felt so so much better on them.

I'd get a bottle of wine, open it in front of him, and down it all in one, straight from the bottle*. I'd then throw the empty bottle at him.

Seriously though, why are you still with this cunt? If you've apologised to the kids, I assume they were there when he had a go at you and you retaliated? Not that I blame you for doing so, I bet it was a long time coming, but it's setting a terrible example for them, especially your daughter...that it's okay for a man to constantly be a complete cunt to a woman and blame it all on her hormones. It's also letting your son think that doing that is also acceptable.

Life is too short to live with a cunt. Get rid.

*I once did this with a bottle of wine (minus the throwing it at anyone). Wasn't sick afterwards, still don't understand why...

I'm like you, fairly chirpy and chatty, and I was with a man like your dh for 5 years until I saw the light.

He won't change and it seems he gets a kick from putting you down and taking the wind out of your sails

My ex always treated me like an embarrassment whilst he would pull his jumper up to show my friends his abs and designer underwear , they thought he was an utter tosser
And so he was

Get rid . You'll be much happier , or just stop letting him get to you , grey rock and drink the wine , ignore everything that he does and says . But it's no way to live long term

He's negging, gaslighting and probably projecting too. He sounds and absolute turd.

I feel really emotional reading this op. You sound like a fantastic person. You deserve better! 💐💐💐

Don't waste your time being hurt, get angry. Who the hell does he think he is?

as those 'softening' oestrogens wear off, and menopause sets it, you are, I hope, going to feel so much more empowered to say 'fuck this shit' and tell him where to go.

Your husband's behavior is abusive and he needs to realise it is not acceptable. If he can't or won't, you really need to consider your future with him, both for your sake and that of your children. I'm not saying that he is up to anything, but personal experience tells me that that level of jealousy is a massive red flag. Be careful and I hope things improve soon xxx

If it didn’t when the OP realised the environment her children were enduring for the duration of their childhood - then I very much doubt this will happen

Please leave. He will never respect you and you deserve more.

What a nasty bullying man he is.

You'd probably not need patches if you get rid of the albatross around you.

This

Just keep drinking that lovely wine and hopefully he'll keep his promise and move out!

Of course you're not embarrassing. He's jealous of your people skills and happiness and wants to tear you down. Honestly he sounds disgusting. Please leave him. There is freedom and happiness ahead for you!

I am sorry I think you might have identified why you haven't been feeling the best lately and its not your hormones...

He sounds like a horrible bully.

Why do you think you're trapped?

You are far to good a woman to settle for this OP.

Have you just come on here to vent? What a wanker he is.

Is he seriously saying his wife can’t have a glass of wine on holiday because she is embarrassing to him? Seriously op? And you did what he told you to, because of what? Wipe that fucking smirk off his face.

I thought a menopausal woman would be old enough to decide things like that for herself tbh.

Drink the wine. Show your dd that this is not how loving relationships work.

Genuine question, @Bananaandmarmite why are you with him when he’s controlling, jealous and an all round arsehole?

I'm watching this video at the moment:

And reading his book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men https://amzn.eu/d/3rGOz92

I think these might be good things for you to explore at some point OP.

"we went for lunch today and I’ve been enjoying a glass of wine each day at lunch. Today I didn’t. I felt crushed inside. Not because of the wine. But because of his smirk as he drank his beer. "

He smirked because he'd got his own way and succeeded in making you feel awful. Have your glass of wine if you want and smirk back!

And yes I would leave him 😡

Why didn't you have wine instead of just sitting there watching him smirking?

You can't even have a glass of wine... on holiday ...