Am I one of the few people who doesn't believe in looks fading?

[Pizzahut345]

See it mentioned all the time on here 'looks will fade as you get older' 'people lose their looks'.
It's incessant. Apparently everyone under 30 is walking around with this undeniable glow, looking effortlessly stunning. I don't think so.
I see so many women over 40 who look beautiful, stunning. They look older, they clearly aren't 25 anymore, but they aren't any less attractive. Why would they be?
Ok, maybe if you're fortunate enough to make it to say, 95, you will likely look a lot different. You can still be beautiful though. I care for a 98 year old lady and she still has the same beautiful smile and twinkly eyes I see when I look at younger photos of her. I'm sure her health is her main concern though.
But there are women even in their 70s who still look stunning and attractive. So what if they've had work done to achieve that? People in their 20s get work done too sometimes to achieve their looks.
I think the whole looks will fade thing is heavily biased towards women, it's sexist and ageist.
I know in terms of men's attraction to young women, it's linked to looking, and being fertile. But if men don't want me because I'm not in my 20s or 30s then those are not men I want in my life.

I totally agree and it’s lovely to see it written here.

Thank you for saying that!
It's so sexist, the pressure on women is insane. I feel it myself which is sad.

Couldn't agree more. I really dislike that women have internalised and perpetuate messages to the contrary. I think some of the 'glow of youth' people believe they are being positive about young women, rather than negative about older ones; but it feels very uncomfortable to me to be basically telling our daughters they will be past their best before they've lived a quarter of their adult lives.

I agree OP, I'm always baffled by it because I know lots of women in their 40's and 50's who are very beautiful. My boss is one of the most beautiful women I know and she's 60 next year, she just absolutely glows.

Ok they're not plump lipped smokey eyed Instagram models, but they're still very beautiful and there's far more to beauty than fitting into the cookie cutter of social media.

I think it would be more apt to say that youth fades, because of course it does. But the tendency to link youth with beauty, in women only, is absolutely rubbish and needs to go in the bin. If men get to be "silver foxes" so should we!

Yes, absolutely! Youth doesn't last, but that's not always a bad thing!

How old are you?

Mid 30s I noticed how very old my school friends were. Would never say it out loud but the sparkle has gone out for many. Looks definitely fade. They are still fabulous people.

I totally agree OP. I’m 51 and for the past decade I have felt far more attractive (and had more male attention frankly) than I did in my 20s.

I think it’s a combination of things: a lot of it is confidence. Also as you get older you learn how to dress and style yourself in a way that suits you. You are also likely to have more money to spend on looking good.

TBH I think a lot of this “looks fade” stuff is pure sexism and misogyny. Patriarchy values young women without children more than older ones because they are malleable and not “taken”. Older women are more knowledgeable and have better boundaries so they must be kept in their place.

I totally agree! What a lovely thread.

Wholeheartedly agree. Looks don't fade - they change. It's the inner person shining out of that face that makes a face beautiful, not loads of 'beauty' treatments. An artifically puffed up and made up face has no character, no expression, no personality. A clone of many others. Be yourself.
Signed: a natural looking never-enhanced (even with basic makeup) 76 year old.

I think women who were very beautiful in their youth notice this more. The kind of women who had life easier than they realised because of pretty privilege, although they were probably unaware of the benefits it brought at the time, maybe even saw it as a problem because of unwanted attention alongside.

For the rest of us, who never got that kind of attention, I think you grow into your looks and style, gain confidence, become more accomplished and garner respect. I don't feel invisible, I feel in my prime in every aspect of my life at 53.

I also think Judi Dench is stunningly beautiful. And Jamie Lee Curtis

Oh and don’t get me started on these threads going: “I’m 30. Am I old?”

FFS have some self respect.

I found once I hit my 50s I looked at those in their 60s and 70s differently, and could appreciate that some are still good looking.

Apparently everyone under 30 is walking around with this undeniable glow, looking effortlessly stunning. I don't think so.

That's clearly exaggeration though, your OP doesn't need that to make a valid point.

Yep totally agree.

Not everyone young is beautiful.

And if you were beautiful young you'll likely be beautiful old.

I agree! Its a different kind of beauty at every age but beauty doesn't 'fade' in my opinion.

I do see it a lot though, 'Many people in their 20s have an undeniable glow about them ' I really don't see that myself!
I see lots of young girls who look lovely, they just look young, that's it. They'll likely look lovely at 50 too, just older.

Agree here too. Frankly, it’s a horrible message about life and value isn’t it.

But there are women even in their 70s who still look stunning and attractive

There are, but there are more who don't if you're honest. Helen Mirren looks amazing, but are you really trying to say she looked worse in her 20s and 30s? On an individual level most people will look back at their younger self and see the beauty, likely in a way they didn't at the time! It's not just linked to fertility, it's linked to health too - whiter, stronger teeth, more muscle tone, taller, more collagen in their skin. To deny that is just silly. Exercise, diet and taking care of yourself makes you look better - an improved lifestyle at any age can make you look better, so there will be people (women) who look better with age. But in general most don't.

The glow (if they have one) usually comes from wrinkle-free skin and hormones.

Have you never heard the phrase 'fresh faced'? That's kind of what it refers to.

As we get older we lose that particular sort of glow, and it's often replaced with a different sort that's less 'fresh faced'.

I agree op. I always find it sad when people write on here you’re invisible by the time you reach x age. It’s very untrue.

becoming invisible is nothing to do with age and everything to do with self care. A lot of things impact our looks, be it weight, hair maintenance, even how we dress, skin care, make up, grooming in general.

yes as we age it’s not effortless any more, but we don’t become invisible, our looks don’t fade just due to age , if we maintain a healthy weight, ie not under or over, do good self care and grooming, have our hair cut and managed well, do good skin care, maintain muscle tone from exercise etc, then we change and adapt but remain perceptibly the same just older.

if we don’t do that, then yes our looks fade, but that’s not age in itself.

I don't think Helen looked worse, or better, when she was younger. Just younger. But I think if you take care of your teeth, work on your muscle tone and so on, there's no reason why not. Obviously that depends on your health too, I can't make generalisations. But there are plenty of people in their 20s with very poor teeth they didn't look after, poor muscle tone and so on.

I don’t agree with the last sentence. People who are “attractive” can retain that … others find it later in life. Beauty changes. The very fine skin that looks beautiful on the young wrinkles early and deep, but the spotty youth with greasy skin keeps the glow as they get older. Some have facial bone structure that looks better under youthful fat, other face types improve with age.

Basic symmetry remains - barring illness - but relative beauty can evolve with age.

It’s been interesting to see friends and acquaintances change as we go through life. Men definitely alter more than women do!

In a world of lip fillers and Botox I do find myself appreciating the natural beauty of an older woman who hasn't gone down that route much more than I ever have. It's so unusual to see an older woman in the media without work (or with minimal work) and I understand why, the pressure is immense, it's not a criticism of anyone, but I find I am starting to notice and appreciate natural beauty much more, my perspective has changed.

@Pizzahut345 But there are plenty of people in their 20s with very poor teeth they didn't look after, poor muscle tone and so on

Oh definitely, but I guess my point is that when those people reach their 70s they'll probably look much worse. Whereas someone who looks amazing at 25 will almost definitely look better than the people in the first group, but (if we're being totally objective) not quite as good as they looked at 25. It's not a criticism, and it all depends how much value you place on looks anyway. As you say, health is far more important. Tbh anyone saying phrases like 'your looks will fade' or that 'people lose their looks' probably has an agenda and an unpleasant outlook on life. I think objectively it's true, but I don't see the need to say it.

When I started going grey quite a few people felt free to tell me that I 'needed' to dye my hair. One of them had a husband with grey hair, did she ever tell him he 'needed' to dye his hair? Nope.