Am I one of the few people who doesn't believe in looks fading?

[Pizzahut345]

See it mentioned all the time on here 'looks will fade as you get older' 'people lose their looks'.
It's incessant. Apparently everyone under 30 is walking around with this undeniable glow, looking effortlessly stunning. I don't think so.
I see so many women over 40 who look beautiful, stunning. They look older, they clearly aren't 25 anymore, but they aren't any less attractive. Why would they be?
Ok, maybe if you're fortunate enough to make it to say, 95, you will likely look a lot different. You can still be beautiful though. I care for a 98 year old lady and she still has the same beautiful smile and twinkly eyes I see when I look at younger photos of her. I'm sure her health is her main concern though.
But there are women even in their 70s who still look stunning and attractive. So what if they've had work done to achieve that? People in their 20s get work done too sometimes to achieve their looks.
I think the whole looks will fade thing is heavily biased towards women, it's sexist and ageist.
I know in terms of men's attraction to young women, it's linked to looking, and being fertile. But if men don't want me because I'm not in my 20s or 30s then those are not men I want in my life.

I agree Op.. There are plenty of not particularly good looking 20 and 30 year olds about and many, many beautiful 'older' 60 plus women. Beauty doesn't have an age limit! I think part of the problem is that we associate youth with beauty and old with ugly & past it! I'm 55 and look better than I ever did in my 20s and 30s. I work out 3 plus times a week and generally look after myself, I have made many 'fashion' mistakes but now know how to dress to suit my body shape (no beige lycra crop tops and shorts for me!)

I think when people tell young women that looks fade, they are usually warning them not to trade on their looks, but to make sure they have other things going for them too. Which is actually a really good message.

Yanbu as a general thing that we shouldn't be so preoccupied with looks.

However, this is one of the few areas where I don't actually see the sexism.

It's commonly agreed (or isn't it?) that men suddenly "lose their looks" when they hit a certain age, a different exact age for everyone. They get a paunch and jowls and perhaps go bald. Their skin ages. It can be quite sudden, especially the weight gain part.

Women tend to age more gradually, as I see it. The difference is starker in men than in women imo.

The truth is, unless you’re older you don’t find older people attractive. I wouldn’t be attracted to someone in their 60s no matter how good they looked, but that’s because I’m in my 30s. Looks change as you get older, it’s society that deems age as unattractive and so many people agree with it, because they’re young and in a bubble and rather stupid.

I don't believe in looks fading, where the person concerned had proper good looks in the first place (i.e. good bone structure).

But I do internally roll my eyes at threads where women complain about being invisible past 50 or whatever, because I usually find that those specific women often relied on a particular kind of visibility in lieu of a personality. I've known all sorts of women from 5 to 95 who are very much visible, but it's about so much more than just looks. They have a presence about them - including unconventional good looks and sex appeal. It's not about NOT being sexy or good looking, but it is about being MORE than just that.

I've never met a so-called invisible 50-something who didn't rely entirely on shallow looks and being a personality-void when they were younger.

Totally agree, when people say looks fade as people age, what they generally mean is weight changes, poor skin care, poor grooming, poor dressing, poor hair management, poor teeth maintenance, poor muscle tone etc

all these things you can keep till very elderly, but it requires effort .

age only means looks evolve, not fade. Age means it gets harder, but it’s not impossible, unless medical issues.

A beautiful /attractive man or woman can remain perceptibly beautiful/attractive all their life, but if their teeth are shit, their skin haggard, their weight unhealthy, their hair badly done, their clothing Ill fitting and unflattering, then they are not perceived as beautiful/attractive any more.

that’s not age in itself that caused the looks to fade.

How old are you, op? If you don't want to say, just a rough ballpark?

I agree with her and am knocking on 50. What’s your point?

Sone people definantly improve with age, and grow into their build/shape.

I saw a lady in her 70s at the weekend walking along a beach. She had a pixie hair cut, blue dress, white jacket and white trainer- type shoes. She looked beautiful and elegant.

Beautiful women who lacked self confidence in their youth may look back and see they were actually beautiful.
Average or less attractive women will simply see a younger version of themselves. Some may prefer their youthful self, but in many cases they are referring to having slimmer bodies rather than being more beautiful; due to the other persistent linking of weight with attractiveness.
Some in this category who have adopted healthier habits and have more resources to invest in their appearance will look back and think they look better than they did when they were young.

The one I absolutely loathe is the saying "women age like milk, men age like fine wine". I hear this all the damn time and I am sick of it.

Was on another forum recently and almost everyday you'd see posts with thousands of upvotes about how women better snag a man when she's under 25 because her dating prospects will only decrease as she ages while men's dating prospects will exponentially increase because "men value looks, women value money".

You'd think we've progressed as a society but clearly not! It's a wonder why so many women my age(mid 20s to early 30s) are opting to stay single when so many men my age won't stop promoting that belief system.

Me too. I'm 58. Im a size 10/12 now rather than an 8 and I definitely don't look 30 but I look better in lots of ways than I did with dodgy perms and Harry Potter glasses in my student days. I have time, money and a good sleep every night. I know what to wear and I can afford to replace it / refresh my wardrobe when it needs it. I am in a walking group and do 10 miles a week on the hills. I work out on the other days.I don't regard myself as past it or invisible. My looks are more polished and confident. Different,absolutely. Fading .Nope.

My face looks better at 51 than it did at 25. Because I had acne then, and have now discovered Tretinoin. My figure not so much,as I have put on weight in peri-menopause. But it's ok.

That said, I am much more confident and outgoing. If I were to date again, I guess some men might find that attractive? I plan on staying married so won't find out!

I am never getting Botox or fillers. I am happy with my face, mostly.

The truth is, unless you’re older you don’t find older people attractive. I wouldn’t be attracted to someone in their 60s no matter how good they looked, but that’s because I’m in my 30s.

Hmm I'm not sure that's universally true, plenty of male celebrities over 50 are fawned over still, more so than the women, the women who are lauded as still conventionally beautiful like Jennifer Anniston or Jennifer Lopez still look "young", whereas the likes of George Clooney are allowed grey hair and wrinkles and still be "sex symbols". I think laughter lines look gorgeous on my DH, hate mine with a passion!

@thdskdrggs I wasn’t counting celebs as real people 😁 their sex appeal is usually linked to the characters they’ve played, or the fact that they’re famous. Plus anyone that has a multitude of wealth to throw at their appearance will be attractive to the majority of people. Though you’re right that it’s not universal, there’s plenty of people who can have large age gaps etc (and there was a woman in her 70s in the paper a while ago that was marrying a 20something man so it clearly goes both ways for age gaps). I think generally most people find those around their own age more attractive though.

I'm in my 30s. Which I'm sure will make my arguments invalid in some people's eyes, and that's fair enough.

I've found men in their 50s attractive. 60+, not really, but then as a 60+ female I wouldn't expect a 30 year old male to fancy me either. However it's all relative!

Oh I agree.
I actually like wrinkles.
They're beautiful.
I also like the way the face often looks less plumped out with age.

When I was 16 I fancied 16 year old boys. Now obviously not! It all changes.

I just wondered if she had experience of the ageing process, that's all. Like most women, I've run out of fucks to give now that I'm older, and I have more money to invest in my looks. I look pretty cool when I make an effort, but the point is that it is an effort.

Helen Mirren wakes up looking like an average woman of her age, not stunning. Stunning is applied later in the day.

I'm sad to see my jaw droop, my tummy grow and my hair thin. It's reality, it's what happens as we age. I don't let it rule my life, but our looks do fade in an objective sense. By all means we can counter the effects with all sorts of lifestyle choices, but we'll never wake up with tight skin and naturally thick hair again because we're no longer that age.

And if you haven't experienced the reality of ageing, then I'm not sure you can deny it's impact on how we feel about ourselves.

I'm starting to experience it, only very slightly.
I'm just taking about women I see around me. It's hard to picture yourself as older, I don't know how accurate AI is in depicting it!

@Whatswhatwhichiswhich hmm maybe, I wouldn't be attracted to younger men (or vastly older, still think at 30s I could find a 50s man good looking but the bar would likely be higher than a man my age), but plenty of older men find younger women more attractive than women their age, so I still don't think it's the same for both sexes.

You're entitled to your views, but until your own jaw starts sagging I don't think you will fully understand how it feels. All the pixie haircuts and white trainers in the world will not give you back the looks you took for granted pre middle age.

Wow really? I'm in my 30s and I really don't find men in their 50s attractive at all. I'd much rather date a man my own age or a little younger, if we're talking about looks alone. (I'm married anyway but yswim). Men in their late 20s/30s tend to be slimmer, fitter, firmer, less bald, just... better looking.

I think yabu for accusing society in general as sexist in this regard, I think it's an individual thing.

I agree, my Mum and Aunt are in their 70s and they are both very attractive, people often comment on it. I think if you're attractive in your youth you tend to be an attractive older adult provided you've taken care of yourself.

I'm in my 40s and my friends who have always been very attractive still are, especially one who hasn't had any kind of work, those who have have aged themselves a little but they still look good.

I regrettably used sunbeds in my youth and it's starting to show all of a sudden. It looks like I'm not going to follow in my mums footsteps.