To not be happy to be gifted >1 million pounds

[HiltonKeynes]

Well, I AM happy about it and immensely grateful, but I also struggle with it.

DH's parents are millionaires. Got there through hard work and saving up. However they are of the opinion that 'you can't take it with you' and have transferred us nearly a million to invest in the stock market and buy a house.

DH has struggled with mental health issues and has therefore not done as well in his career as expected. He has been unemployed for years, but never claimed benefits due to his parents' money (and the invested part of it generating additional money). He is now going back to study and hoping to make a change to his life/career. I work fulltime, earning a decent salary in a professional role that I enjoy. We're comfortable but watch our spend.

DH is an only child and is set to inherit more money after his parents eventually pass away.

In-laws are lovely, but have very old-fashioned values around 'hard graft' and saving up. The issue is that they keep making comments like: "How are you going to afford retirement without DH having a pension?" and making negative comments about the amount of money I spend on shampoo etc. I've done the calculations. We're early forties and with the money we have been given/will receive, we could effectively retire in 5 years if we choose to live a modest lifestyle for the rest of our lives (no intention to do this though).

I find the situation very difficult. In-laws' comments about our 'lack of money' don't make any sense and I feel very uneasy about the situation. I'd much rather DH was earning a decent income WITHOUT his parents gifting us any money, but life just hasn't worked out that way. I've tried to confront in-laws about the inconsistency of giving us all this money and simultaneously making these comments but they kind of laugh it off. Only to then, next time, make the same comments again.

What do I do? Just suck it up, or is there another way?

Why do you see inheriting money as being not ok from a moral standpoint? I've worked hard all my life, for myself and for my kids. What else would I do with my assets when I die other than pass them on? If I drop dead tomorrow, at least my kids will have property that they can either continue to live in, or sell which will give them a leg up the property ladder.

Then why did you open the thread, if it is so hurtful to read? Maybe take your own advice.

Sorry I wont feel sorry about someone b!tching about being gifted £1million . Boo hoo. Like seriosuly, they need to get a reality check and leave their house/area and see what life is really like for many people, or cry in their mercedes into their cashmere sweater about how hard done by fate they are.
Reminds me of the chap I once met who was paid a trip around the world by his parents and moaned because 'he already had visited some of the countries'.

Poor diddums. I feel so sorry for you 🙄

Gifts (of cash, houses, or whatever) do not fall within the scope of inheritance tax unless the giver dies within 7 years. If the giver does not die in that time, they are exempt.

If the giver does die within 7 years, you would then exclude any amounts that were exempt by virtue of being less than the £3k per year (or one of the other exemptions for small gifts). Any gits exceeding that £3k/yr would then be added to the deceased's estate for the purpose of calculating IHT.

There is also tapering, so if the giver dies after 6yrs, the inheritance tax would be less than if they die after 1yr.

If you are considering giving a sizable cash gift to a child, I'd get advice from an accountant rather than mumsnet though.

Considering the majority of posters are happy to advise and engage in a grown up manner with OP, perhaps it is you that needs to 'piss off' as you so nicely put it.
The thread is not compulsory, there are many thousands of threads on mumsnet, some of which may be more suitable for you.

I disagree, mumsnet would be a very boring place if only one type of demographic posted.

Not read many PPs but just wanted to say - PIL are probably aware of 7 year IHT rule - so are sensibly giving away their money now to avoid 40% IHT.

So I was right, you can give what you like, tax free as long as you don't die within 7 years? I've got no plans, but that's always been my understanding.

Given the sun - you could put some into a private pension for him and then when they ask say he has one?

Yep

Exactly. Reading the room from where I’m currently sitting is not a race to the bottom and eating baked beans for tea. We are all in different positions and doesn’t mean our worries are any less valid.

@HiltonKeynes You havent responded to the question about whether your husband claims the NI credit if you have children or if you pay voluntary NI credits for him so he gets a state pension. Also If you are unemployed then you can contribute up to £2,880 to a pension each tax year. This amount receives tax relief of 20% which tops up your contribution to £3,600 in total. You can, and probably should, take advantage of both of those but definitely the private pension one/NI credit for child care.

You dont have to respond to their comments at all but they have a legitimate concern about their son's future. Responding to that might actually encourage them to give more than they have already. You may have ambivalent feelings about inherited wealth but take the money and use it well.

The government doesnt use money well, if you dont take the money now more of it goes to the government when they die.

I think some posters are being a bit jealous.

People with money have problems too.

Ask them to help you sort out your finances? Do it through gritted teeth if necessary but accept the money. All of the money and use it to make a good life for you and your husband.

Seriously in the very nicest possible way, as my dm says, just shut up and smile sweetly. I’d be lucky to inherit £500 from my parents. A million would be life changing for me and my kids. Tell them you now have £1 million towards his pension and thank you very much for it.

We aren’t all in the SAME FECKING ROOM.

So many rude posters on this thread.

Problems, concerns, issues all arise in every single walk of life and everyone is entitled to discuss what matters to them. The rude fuckers on the other hand don’t have to read it and are free to create another thread on whatever topic they like.

#thoughtsandprayers OP 🙏

As one of the people who posted a "not nice" reply, I happily read posts from people who are clearly millionaires talking about their problems finding suitable boarding schools, nannies or property. The issue here is being unhappy with such a gift, complaining about some incredibly minor comments from the parents in law.

you've missed the point. OP is asking for advice, not judgement.

I know right! It's clearly titled if people want to avoid

you've missed the point. OP is asking for advice, not judgement

This is AIBU, it's literally a request for judgement.

I’d just smile, nod and ignore.

At the end of the day you’re millionaires with the chance to retire soon- hurrah! Let them say whatever they want!

Yes. I dont know why people were saying you werent! You can even give what you want and then die withinn 7 years. It just means there might be tax to pay

Just because you deem them minor does not mean that they actually are. It is rude to assume that.
If they were minor to the OP she wouldn't be posting for advice.
When time is taken to actually read and try to understand the issue it is easy to see why she has reservations. I would too.