To think my friend was not BU in this cafe situation?

[TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress]

My friend runs a small independent cafe that is dog friendly but the dogs have to be outdoors. Over the weekend, a family of six people came in with 2 dogs and were directed outside. The tables outside are picnic benches that seat 10, inside the tables seat six (they’re all the same size). The family went outside and took 2 picnic benches. Which annoyed my friend as that’s depriving potential customers of a bench but she let it go and said nothing.

She noticed one of the children, a boy aged about 8, having a tantrum outside because he doesn’t like eating outdoors and wants to eat indoors. Next thing she knew, his mum had brought him inside and sat him at the last available table (with an iPad blasting). She asked my friend if his order could come to that table as he doesn’t like eating outside so she said he could come in and eat alone.

My friend said she couldn’t allow this, because they don’t allow children to eat and drink unsupervised for health and safety reasons (they’d also ordered the child a hot drink). The outside area is down a large set of steps so they couldn’t have seen him from the garden. The mum said he has ADHD and doesn’t like to eat outside. My friend - who also has a DS with ADHD BTW - said sorry no we can’t take the risk of him eating alone. What she didn’t say but wanted to was ‘You’d also be taking up three tables when you should only be taking up one and I shouldn’t have to turn customers away because of this’.

Anyway she dug her heels in and the mum gave in and went back outside, the 8yo had a (small) tantrum outside and played his iPad full blast for the duration of their meal (he was asked by another waitress to turn it down which he did a fraction).

When the family paid the mum said she would be posting reviews online to say that the cafe owner is ableist and wouldn’t accommodate the needs of a disabled child. My friend said nothing, and nothing has appeared as of yet online, but she’s gutted about this accusation especially with her DS having ADHD. She said she’d never let her ADHD DS eat alone because actually the risk of him being hurt would increase greatly.

AIBU to think it’s not about ableism but about health and safety? I feel really bad for her!

OP your friend was NOT being unreasonable. She was very reasonable
and you seem lovely.
I can’t understand all the people not reading the full thread. It’s just so tiresome.
You must be worn out OP 😀
I feel worn down just reading it, never mind having to repeat myself like you have.
enjoy your Gin.

Are you the owner of the cafe? Why wont you take any feedback given here?

You are entitled to your perspective and family is entitled to their own. So they can give their side on review and you can yours. But if you / friend wants to create a warm, welcoming atmosphere in the cafe, then you need to care less about who was right and handle situations amicably

I agree.

OP you’re absolutely convinced your friend is 100% in the right. You clearly aren’t interested in views from others and frankly this seems like pretty small beer in the “unreasonable customer behaviour” stakes, anyone running a cafe should be able to move on from it without needing to dissect it and get input from friends and websites.

So, what were you wanting from this thread - a pile on to a woman who was managing a distressed child with a disability?

No I’m not the cafe owner, and what feedback should I be taking? It’s not my cafe so it’s pointless advising me on anything!

What should my friend have done then to ensure this child was safe? Do you realise that if he had, for example, burned himself on his drink after she OK’s him being unsupervised, she would have been likely liable had the parents taken legal action?

If the cafe marketed itself as dog friendly and I turned up with my dog to find I had to sit outside I’d be pissed off and leave a crap review. I would assume dog friendly means dogs allowed inside like every other dog friendly establishment.

If they didn’t market themselves as dog friendly I’d find out where dogs were allowed, if at all, and decide accordingly whether to come or not. And wouldn’t be annoyed if I’d come knowing I had to sit outside.

Places need to represent themselves honestly.

A distressed child with a disability that she was happy to leave unsupervised?

No. 18

You can’t really blame people for not reading the who,e thread, it’s all a bit tedious. 😁. Plus you did talk about her not marketing it as dog tolerant as that wouldn’t be sensible which insinuates she was marketing it as dog friendly. So yes, apologies for not reading further messages clarifying she doesn’t…but like I said tedious.

I’m going to start a drinking game in a minute - anyone who mentions “dog friendly” 1 big swig of Chardonnay.

Yes tedious indeed because people don’t RTFT 😂 I don’t think I’ve ever implied it is advertised as dog friendly.

If it’s so tedious to read the whole thread why are you on it?

There's a café like this near me - it has a huge veranda, and massive umbrellas to keep the rain off the picnic tables.

There's space under cover, outside, for about 40 customers (with dogs) if they don't piss about wanting a table per couple / per child. Sometimes when it's raining, dog walkers and dog walking families need to consider sharing a big table or a veranda.

I understand why your friend didn't want to have the child in there unsupervised but it sounds like the cafe is badly set up

If there isn't enough space for dogs because the tables are so close together then there isn't enough space for wheelchairs (or pushchairs for that matter)

And what about assistance dogs who would need to (and be legally entitled to) be in the cafe? where are they supposed to go.

Whilst her behaviour might not be ableist, she doesn't seem to be considering disabled people all that well tbh

Oh I’m often on stuff without reading the whole thread…..I suspect like most people they read the OP, a few responses, a few more of the OPs stuff and then respond. I mean really who has time to read 263 posts about an unknown cafe and seating and iPad angst. 😂😂😂

It’s only 263 posts because people like you are posting the same bloody thing because they havent RTFT @VeloVixen

Great idea 🤣

There is enough space for wheelchairs. But my friend when she opened the cafe didn’t want to risk loads of dogs lolling about on the floor getting in the way of staff carrying boiling hot drinks and food when she could have a table instead that would bring money in.

I’m actually going to say she’s right re ableism.

If your friend was refusing because he is 8, that’s fine. Refusing because has ADHD. That’s ableist.

If you read my OP you’ll see she already said he had to move before the ADHD disclosure .

As someone whose child possibly has ADHD - I’d say that the condition makes them more likely to put themselves in danger so it’s even more important their safety is observed.

Open to interpretation. No need to shout

What’s open to interpretation? (There was no quoted post in your post so a little out of context)

But she did handle the situation amicably! The allegation that not bending the rules or handholding the mother to a solution acceptable to her is completely made up. Proprietor tried to satisfy unsatisfiable customer and none of the solutions worked for Mrs I have a child and dogs and their needs take precedence!

The customer is always right is a tactic, not a moral imperative.

thank you for your articulate answer and proving yourself to be one of the nasty mumsnetters. True colours!