To think my friend was not BU in this cafe situation?

[TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress]

My friend runs a small independent cafe that is dog friendly but the dogs have to be outdoors. Over the weekend, a family of six people came in with 2 dogs and were directed outside. The tables outside are picnic benches that seat 10, inside the tables seat six (they’re all the same size). The family went outside and took 2 picnic benches. Which annoyed my friend as that’s depriving potential customers of a bench but she let it go and said nothing.

She noticed one of the children, a boy aged about 8, having a tantrum outside because he doesn’t like eating outdoors and wants to eat indoors. Next thing she knew, his mum had brought him inside and sat him at the last available table (with an iPad blasting). She asked my friend if his order could come to that table as he doesn’t like eating outside so she said he could come in and eat alone.

My friend said she couldn’t allow this, because they don’t allow children to eat and drink unsupervised for health and safety reasons (they’d also ordered the child a hot drink). The outside area is down a large set of steps so they couldn’t have seen him from the garden. The mum said he has ADHD and doesn’t like to eat outside. My friend - who also has a DS with ADHD BTW - said sorry no we can’t take the risk of him eating alone. What she didn’t say but wanted to was ‘You’d also be taking up three tables when you should only be taking up one and I shouldn’t have to turn customers away because of this’.

Anyway she dug her heels in and the mum gave in and went back outside, the 8yo had a (small) tantrum outside and played his iPad full blast for the duration of their meal (he was asked by another waitress to turn it down which he did a fraction).

When the family paid the mum said she would be posting reviews online to say that the cafe owner is ableist and wouldn’t accommodate the needs of a disabled child. My friend said nothing, and nothing has appeared as of yet online, but she’s gutted about this accusation especially with her DS having ADHD. She said she’d never let her ADHD DS eat alone because actually the risk of him being hurt would increase greatly.

AIBU to think it’s not about ableism but about health and safety? I feel really bad for her!

@TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress I've missed your last reply. Where do I seem 'really angry?'

I'm confused because I'm anything but. I am enjoying your exasperation though. That might make me an a bit of a dick but the thread is quite funny.

Would the reasonable adjustment not have been to let him eat inside with an adult? And then its on the adults as to whether or not they care enough about his disability to accommodate him by sitting with him?

The taking up space she couldn't fairly complain about re the inside table but could've requested from the beginning that they sit on one outside table if there was enough space before the request was made re indoors.

@TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress

I am not quite clear here - I think you have tried to explain it but if I were to go to your friend's cafe ( WHICH IS NOT ADVERTISED AS DOG FRIENDLY ) but has a sign saying dogs welcome in the garden , can I bring them inside or can they can stay in the garden . Yours , Mrs Dimmy Mc Dimmyface of Dim town. I usually need 20 times of explaining so do forgive

😂💐

You’re absolutely right - something the mum said they couldn’t do as they needed to be outside with the dogs 🤷‍♀️

😂😂

TO ALSO BE CLEAR - THE GARDEN IS NOT INDOORS.

Just in case the basic piece of factual information that even a 1yo would understand wasn’t clear either 🤣🤣

@foolishone I agree - this thread is funny!

Are you always that rude in real life too?

The cafe is not advertised as dog friendly.

The OP has explained this already numerous times.

Do you have such poor reading comprehension IRL too?

This is a fair point. I have adhd and as a child at the age of this one could've been trusted to sit inside alone. But the cafe owner does have a right to ask that all children are supervised. And the mum could've supervised him.

To be fair the OP has already explained multiple times throughout the thread that the cafe is not advertised as dog friendly. I can understand why they’re getting frustrated that people just keep ignoring that.

I think the point about ableism is that is wasn’t the case that this child wasn’t allowed to be unsupervised because he has ADHD - but that ADHD wasn’t a reason for bending H&S rules.

You’ve spent 3 pages responding, maybe it’s taken to let it go and move on, at this stage what are you hoping to accomplish?

Why do people keep fixating on to the whole 'dog friendly' thing, it's not the point of the post.

How would that work if she was the only adult? Fine she could sit inside with her son. But what about her other children outside unsupervised with dogs?

I think you're friend's cafe is dog tolerant not dog friendly

It's not the customers fault that's there's only one size of table outside. If there was mix of table sizes.

Your friend is nbu about having kids inside not accompanied. Whether they're ND or not doesn't matter.

I’m lying here feeling miserable with flu but this thread has cheered me up no end! 😂

The law requires appropriate accomodation.

Allowing the family to take up two tables, one outside for an adult and child/children + dogs and one inside for an adult and the other child would fufill that criteria.

Having a child (ND or not) eating alone, not in view of the parents, seems risky to me.

It is the parents who caused the problem with accessibility, by bringing more dogs than one person can manage outside - not the cafe.

I think the problem with table size was a family of 6 taking up two ten seater picnic benches. Not them occupying just one.

Normally a family taking up two tables when they could take just one is simply annoying but in this case it does seem that 6 people were trying to occupy enough seating for 26! I think that is pretty relevant and really fucking cheeky of them!

Same! Stuck under cluster feeding baby and this is fabulous! Sorry @TicketsThisWayForTheChatsworthExpress can i just ask WHY your friends dog friendly cafe doesn't allow dogs inside and crazily doesn't make it clear their garden is OUTSIDE?!
(Sorry... had to be done! Maybe mods could pin a post saying CAFE IS NOT DOG FRIENDLY!) 😆

Your friend's going to have to toughen up, with a job that involves dealing with the public. Certain members of the public are unreasonable, and that will never change. She can reply to or challenge reviews, or she can ignore them and get on with life. It's not uncommon for businesses to have one or two crazy outlier reviews, and it's unlikely to drive customers away. Besides, if the woman hasn't left a review by now, she may have forgotten.

@MichelleScarn 😂😂

Aw I remember the looooong cluster feeding sessions! My sympathies!

This. I rarely read cafe reviews but nothing about the way this was handled would put me off - if anything I’d think I should go there as I’d have confidence that issues would be handled well and not ignored.

NBU in the least (and I’m ND).

It's not the cafe owners responsibility to ensure that dogs are not caused distress. It's up to the dog owner to supervise and individuals to leave them alone. Loads of people tie their dogs up outside shops and schools, why not here?

I don't think your friend was unread at all op.

Because outside of a shop or school is a public place. This is my friend’s cafe and she’s entitled to set her rules on her premises. Again I’m not sure if tied up dogs are allowed, I doubt it - and it works the other way as well. A tied up dog coukd slip a lead, hurt a child etc and then it very much would be my friend’s problem!