Page 9 | to not take grandson to nursery every day

ncgran · 2023-08-28T07:48:20+00:00

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 10:53

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 10:50

My bad - it is 7am for the nursery. An hour or so of childcare and off to nursery. The dgs will probably still be asleep when he arrives at his grans but if he is like my kids were he’ll not need to sleep! Up early and therefore the daughter can get him ready. If not he’ll need his gran to do a clean nappy, perhaps a wash (I did this in the mornings as a quick clean) and breakfast. The evenings to herself might not happen if her son doesn’t sleep much.

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But OP doesn’t want to do it, no matter how much you keep making it out to be no trouble at all.

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 10:53

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 10:08

Nothing wrong with the grandparents helping with their grandchild imho

Except when an elaborate plan is made around them waking up at 4.30 every single day to do childcare they don’t want to do…

What is this fixation on 4.30 am? OP could still be in bed at 5.30 when little one arrives. Doesn't mean she has to do it but don't make it worse than it has to be.

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 10:55

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 10:53

But OP doesn’t want to do it, no matter how much you keep making it out to be no trouble at all.

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Then she can say no. How would you suggest she says this? Just the word no or with any explanation? Where do I suggest it’ll be no trouble at all? Answer is no where. Obviously it’s work to be done.

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 10:55

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 10:53

What is this fixation on 4.30 am? OP could still be in bed at 5.30 when little one arrives. Doesn't mean she has to do it but don't make it worse than it has to be.

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It’s already a shit idea. I’m not sure it could get worse

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:56

How on earth could OP be in bed in her night attire when baby arrives? She is the one who needs to presumably give breakfast, probably get dressed and then look after until she takes him to nursery.
In any case 5 or 5.30 isn't much better than 4.30, it's still too much to expect 5 days a week as a regular arrangement.

TheOpen · 28/08/2023 10:56

I haven't read all the replies but I wondered if there's a way that you & baby can wake up in the same house a couple/few days a week so that it's not a 530 start every time? Stay at each others houses? Could be worth a trial run. It's really hard being a single parent and I think you're all brilliant for trying to help each other and work.

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 10:58

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 10:55

It’s already a shit idea. I’m not sure it could get worse

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Depends. I'm up between 5.30 and 6 every morning so 5.30 wouldn't be an issue for me, 4.30 would be pushing it. Amazing how we all vary isn't it.

CrackedChina · 28/08/2023 10:59

Thriwit · 28/08/2023 10:34

Has she actually asked about swapping to the late shift? That seems like the obvious short-term solution, while she looks for something days-based.
It’s possible she’s getting shift allowance at the moment though, so taking the same role but days could be a drop in money, plus the cost of full-time nursery (in the lab where I work, shift allowance is 20% extra).

This occurred to me too. Maybe she doesn't want to change from a better paid early shift and assumed she could just take advantage of her parents instead?

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 10:59

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 10:55

Then she can say no. How would you suggest she says this? Just the word no or with any explanation? Where do I suggest it’ll be no trouble at all? Answer is no where. Obviously it’s work to be done.

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‘No, DD-getting up that early every day whilst I’m still working at the weekends isn’t something I can provide for you. If you can make changes to your childcare plans or working days, I could help a couple of days but not every day.’

something like that.

Re the 5.30/5/4.30-I want to shower and eat before leaving the house, I’m probably not alone.

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 11:00

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:56

How on earth could OP be in bed in her night attire when baby arrives? She is the one who needs to presumably give breakfast, probably get dressed and then look after until she takes him to nursery.
In any case 5 or 5.30 isn't much better than 4.30, it's still too much to expect 5 days a week as a regular arrangement.

Just the same way as any mother getting up to look after her baby. I was in my night clothes, unwashed and no breakfast when I got up to look after my kids. Many mums are like this on the morning. You get ready with your kids.

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 11:01

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 10:50

My bad - it is 7am for the nursery. An hour or so of childcare and off to nursery. The dgs will probably still be asleep when he arrives at his grans but if he is like my kids were he’ll not need to sleep! Up early and therefore the daughter can get him ready. If not he’ll need his gran to do a clean nappy, perhaps a wash (I did this in the mornings as a quick clean) and breakfast. The evenings to herself might not happen if her son doesn’t sleep much.

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I can’t believe you think that this set-up is in the best interests of the baby?!

I imagine the baby being woken up at 5am every day will in fact lead to the baby sleeping a lot during the evening and overnight.

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 11:02

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:56

How on earth could OP be in bed in her night attire when baby arrives? She is the one who needs to presumably give breakfast, probably get dressed and then look after until she takes him to nursery.
In any case 5 or 5.30 isn't much better than 4.30, it's still too much to expect 5 days a week as a regular arrangement.

She probably managed it with her own children like most of us do. I was never up and dressed before my babies woke me when they were 7 months old. I never had one that would be asleep at 5.30 either so all the horror of "waking baby up" wouldn't have happened with mine.

None of that means the OP has to do it but exaggerating the issues isn't necessary or helpful.

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 11:03

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 10:59

‘No, DD-getting up that early every day whilst I’m still working at the weekends isn’t something I can provide for you. If you can make changes to your childcare plans or working days, I could help a couple of days but not every day.’

something like that.

Re the 5.30/5/4.30-I want to shower and eat before leaving the house, I’m probably not alone.

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Did you never manage to shower or eat while caring for a baby? How on earth do single mothers manage?

Gliomes · 28/08/2023 11:04

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 10:45

Ironically I used to work at a hospital that had an on-site nursery for staff to use but they didn’t open until 8am despite the fact that most nurses start work between 7-7.30am. It was ridiculous.

The nursery was full of children who belonged to the secretaries and other 9-5 workers, but it didn’t actually provide any benefit to the nursing staff who were struggling with childcare due to insociable shift patterns.

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That is just. so. stupid.

I don't know how anyone manages nursing shifts with children. It's ridiculous that a profession with such a strong female history is so difficult to sustain with a family.

PussInBin20 · 28/08/2023 11:07

ZadocPDederick · 28/08/2023 10:24

I have to say I would be a VERY grumpy git if someone expected me to be up at 5 to look after their child.

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The poor kid is going to be very grumpy getting up that early too! So whoever looks after them will not have an easy time.

I am another who thinks this just won’t work. I wouldn’t do it.

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 11:07

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 11:01

I can’t believe you think that this set-up is in the best interests of the baby?!

I imagine the baby being woken up at 5am every day will in fact lead to the baby sleeping a lot during the evening and overnight.

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Why do you think is wrong about a baby being got ready early or by it’s gran? Happens a lot when kids wake up early or parents go to work. Few people can let their child sleep until it wakes in the morning. How would mums get to work/kids to school/ out to appointments etc if it was wrong to wake a baby. Some kids don’t sleep a lot.

iolaus · 28/08/2023 11:08

Think of what you would be willing/able to do (her suggestion wouldn't be doable for me) and have her look at what working patterns would work around that - then have her ask, formally, about switching to those

So you said you would be will to look after him a few days - how long would those days be? If you would be happy to do long days looking after him could she do long shifts over less days? (though I don't think that her working 6am - 8pm and you looking after the baby 5am - 9pm would be wonderful for anyone)

Would you will willing to do pick up from nursery if she could switch to a later shift? If the morning is 6am - 1pm I assume the late would be 1pm - 8pm, and rather than him being in a half session in nursery 7 -12, he do the afternoon session 12-5, so she could drop him off at nursery, you pick him up then she picks him up from you afterwork) - that seems like the option I would prefer - but you may have other things on where that wouldn't work

Womblegreen · 28/08/2023 11:11

Could dgs stay the night before work - so that you get him up and drop him off? I suspect you’d both get a bit of a lie in. Maybe your daughter could look for a childminder and that way she’d be more likely to pay for the hours used?

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 11:12

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 11:07

Why do you think is wrong about a baby being got ready early or by it’s gran? Happens a lot when kids wake up early or parents go to work. Few people can let their child sleep until it wakes in the morning. How would mums get to work/kids to school/ out to appointments etc if it was wrong to wake a baby. Some kids don’t sleep a lot.

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I am specifically taking about waking a baby every morning at 5am!

Its not due to needing to be woken for a “once in a while” appointment, it’s five days a week, every week.

It’s not being woken up at 7am which is a totally normal wake-up time, it’s the fact it’s at 5am!

There is nothing wrong with waking a sleeping baby…..but not at 5am every morning.

And even putting all that aside…..the grandmother does not want to do!!!

So you can dress it up all you like, but the idea is ridiculous and the OP is well within her rights to say no.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 28/08/2023 11:15

It's very hard to find a nursery to do those hours. I'm a nurse and checked with pretty much every nursery in the city to see if any of them offered very early starts to fit in with my shifts and not a single one did.

You can't be doing 5am starts, neither can the baby! I understand as a single parent myself how difficult it must be for your daughter but it just isn't sustainable or reasonable to do this and to ask other people to help out at this time in the morning. The suggestion of moving in with you temporarily seems to be the best comppromise of them all.

7eleven · 28/08/2023 11:17

Moving forward, those hours are not going to work. Even when he’s at school. It’d be like 14 years before he could be independent in the mornings.

If I was able, I’d do it while she looks for something else. If possible, I’d go to hers in the morning though, to avoid the baby be taken out so early.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 11:17

Iwasafool · 28/08/2023 11:03

Did you never manage to shower or eat while caring for a baby? How on earth do single mothers manage?

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How I cared for my own kids in my twenties when I was young and on the ball might be very different to how I’d be as a grandma a few decades later. Then I might be happy eating breakfast half asleep whilst they played in their own house with their toys, if it was someone else’s toddler, I might well want to be fed, dressed and showered to wake me up a bit, before I’m responsible for them at 5.30. Clearly not everyone feels the same and that’s fine.

What is clear though, is that the OP doesn’t want to do this.

yogasaurus · 28/08/2023 11:18

If I was able, I’d do it while she looks for something else. If possible, I’d go to hers in the morning though, to avoid the baby be taken out so early.

I’d be advising her to look asap, it’s very hard to get out of something once you’ve started doing it…

Unknownwhere · 28/08/2023 11:19

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 11:01

I can’t believe you think that this set-up is in the best interests of the baby?!

I imagine the baby being woken up at 5am every day will in fact lead to the baby sleeping a lot during the evening and overnight.

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I find it really sad.

ISee a lot here when people need help and everyone says to ask friends / family etc but this woman has and is getting criticism. She’s trying to work ! If she had posted saying she couldn’t work so was on benefits she would be had a go at ! Told to ask family etc no doubt

7eleven · 28/08/2023 11:20

yogasaurus · 28/08/2023 11:18

If I was able, I’d do it while she looks for something else. If possible, I’d go to hers in the morning though, to avoid the baby be taken out so early.

I’d be advising her to look asap, it’s very hard to get out of something once you’ve started doing it…

Oh absolutely. I’d put a time limit of , say 6 months.