Page 8 | to not take grandson to nursery every day

ncgran · 2023-08-28T07:48:20+00:00

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

miniegg3 · 28/08/2023 10:35

Shinyandnew1 · 28/08/2023 09:42

she has told me she has been desperately trying to find a solution for months

Desperately? What has she actually done? Asked the nursery if the child can stay until 1.30? Investigated local childminders and what time they start? Whether any would have her daughter until 1.30?

It sounds more like she has ignored it for months and assumed you’ll just wake up before dawn and sort it all out for her. I’m with your ‘grumpy’ (is he really, or just a pragmatist?!) husband here, I’m afraid. I can’t wait to be a grandma and would happily do a day or two childcare. I would not be waking at 4.30 every day to do so-AND working at the weekends, just because my daughter didn’t bother to make a decent plan in the months she had to do so.

This basically

Shelby2010 · 28/08/2023 10:36

How well does the baby sleep at night? It might be easier for her to put him to bed at yours. Or transfer him at the time he’d have his last feed, rather than wake you up at 5am.

Could your dd also look at doing 3 long days instead? She will have to change her hours somehow as it’s not sustainable long term. Does her work have an afternoon shift ie 13.00 to 19.00, because that would be easier to manage.

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2023 10:37

Willmafrockfit · 28/08/2023 10:02

i got the impression that the op wanted the nursery hours longer so they werent tied to pick ups, not drop offs

Yes I think its the pick ups that don't suit.

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:37

@ButterCrackers you're making things up now. There are no signs at all if the DD returns on these hours that they are temporary and will change. Foe one thing I suspect the DD won't be very minded to ask for a change with her DM doing the bulk of the grunt work.

I'm all for families helping each other but it has to be sustainable. OP has already said before this arrangement has started, that it isn't sustainable for her.

I'm an early bird these days, but would have zero desire to be getting up at 5am every morning to mind a baby. For one thing I'd need to be in bed by 9 every night and my marriage would suffer.

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 10:38

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 10:21

If I was a grandmother absolutely I would. The child gets dropped off a 5.30am. The nursery starts at 6am. I’d be up and dressed in 10mins. Back home after the nursery drop off at 6.00am. I’d don’t know how far the nursery is but it all sounds local. So kettle on at 6.20am.

Show quote history

The nursery doesn’t open until 7am.

And I imagine OP would be expected to get the baby dressed and get her breakfast etc.

Plus at the root of it all - a baby cannot be woken up at 5.00am every morning.

What time will this baby be needing to go to bed in the evening to accommodate mum’s shifts?

I imagine it’s still going to be having naps and still need 12 hours sleep in total….so in bed for 5pm each night? And never mind how much more tired babies can get just by being in nursery and the stimulation it provides….

The baby may be bloody knackered (and so will OP) but I suppose the silver lining is that at least OP’s daughter will get her evenings to herself.

The baby’s dad may not be on the scene but he should be financially contributing and then his money can hopefully help find a more suitable childcare solution.

greenacrylicpaint · 28/08/2023 10:38

I would do it very, very occassionally if there is temporarily no other option.

a live in au pair? student lodger with 'benefits'?

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 10:40

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 28/08/2023 10:34

This is crazy.

You've got a woman who is single-handedly raising her child whilst desperately trying to hold onto her job (& the workplace are being difficult about hours), GPs who are willing to help (though understandably a 5am alarm call Mon-Fri is a big ask) and the father has just pissed off and said "not my problem" 🤦🏻‍♀️

The CMS in this country is pathetic. The man was in a long term relationship (knowing with every sexual encounter there was a risk of pregnancy) yet when he impregnates her he and does zero to raise the child, nor does he financially contribute. Meanwhile the mum, grandparents and tax payers are scrabbling round, paying to make sure his child is adequately cared for.

He should be given the choice of child support payments or prison.

I know my post doesn't answer your OP, but it infuriates me that society is so man-centric that this shit just continues.

Regardless of whether he pays his share he isn’t going to be looking after the child between 5.30 and 7.

user1492757084 · 28/08/2023 10:41

The baby might just snooze with granny until she wants to get up. For the short term dropping the baby off in the morning could occur at a time that suits OP.
An au pair sounds good.

watermeloncougar · 28/08/2023 10:41

She needs to find some other form of childcare: childminder or au pair. What she's asking isn't reasonable.

The nursery might be flexible with hours but is very likely to charge more. I had to drop my kids 30 mins earlier than the standard opening time and I was charged double time for that 30 mins.

Toddlerteaplease · 28/08/2023 10:42

Some nurseries around large hospitals will open at 6.30. Would that be an option?

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 28/08/2023 10:44

It's actually not so bad to be up that early as long as you go to bed at 10. I once had to travel far to go to uni and had to be up at 4 to catch a train at 5:30. I rather enjoyed it.

Another option for your daughter, OP, is for her to come around in the evening with him, put him to bed and then go home. He can sleep until 7 and then you can take him to daycare. Not the greatest arrangement but could work for a few months.

Purplebunnie · 28/08/2023 10:44

I've not read the whole thread only OP's posts.

Could your daughter live with you during the working week, would that ease the situation until she can find another job. It will be difficult but may be better than everyone having such an early start. I appreciate she won't want to lose her independence or her home

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 10:45

Toddlerteaplease · 28/08/2023 10:42

Some nurseries around large hospitals will open at 6.30. Would that be an option?

Ironically I used to work at a hospital that had an on-site nursery for staff to use but they didn’t open until 8am despite the fact that most nurses start work between 7-7.30am. It was ridiculous.

The nursery was full of children who belonged to the secretaries and other 9-5 workers, but it didn’t actually provide any benefit to the nursing staff who were struggling with childcare due to insociable shift patterns.

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 10:45

user1492757084 · 28/08/2023 10:41

The baby might just snooze with granny until she wants to get up. For the short term dropping the baby off in the morning could occur at a time that suits OP.
An au pair sounds good.

And when they are 12 months old, 18 months old? They’ll be up and noisily demanding breakfast - every single weekday. Then one day at the weekend the OP works a full shift. It’s not on

OP say no.

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:46

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 28/08/2023 10:44

It's actually not so bad to be up that early as long as you go to bed at 10. I once had to travel far to go to uni and had to be up at 4 to catch a train at 5:30. I rather enjoyed it.

Another option for your daughter, OP, is for her to come around in the evening with him, put him to bed and then go home. He can sleep until 7 and then you can take him to daycare. Not the greatest arrangement but could work for a few months.

The key word here is "once". I quite enjoy getting up early to go to the airport to go on holiday.

OP is being expected to get up at that time 5 days a week then look after a baby. It's very different.

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 10:46

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 28/08/2023 10:44

It's actually not so bad to be up that early as long as you go to bed at 10. I once had to travel far to go to uni and had to be up at 4 to catch a train at 5:30. I rather enjoyed it.

Another option for your daughter, OP, is for her to come around in the evening with him, put him to bed and then go home. He can sleep until 7 and then you can take him to daycare. Not the greatest arrangement but could work for a few months.

Because 7 month year olds always sleep through the night?

tiredmama23 · 28/08/2023 10:46

Regardless of whether he pays his share he isn’t going to be looking after the child between 5.30 and 7.

Maybe not, but the money he contributes towards his child could be put towards a nanny who could.

DragonFly98 · 28/08/2023 10:46

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:00

It's amazing how much ingrained ageism there is on Mumsnet.

OP literally states in her title that she doesn't want to take DGC to nursery every day, but some posters come up with suggestions that have her doing exactly that.

She also says she doesn't want her adult DD and DGC to move in. Again suggestions that she does exactly that.

OP was not consulted before the conception, or involved in the pregnancy choices, but yet is expected to carry the brunt of the child caring responsibility.

It doesn't sound like the DD has explored many options, other than speaking to her manager and asking OP to do it all.

I'm not saying OP shouldn't help in some capacity, but I hate this casual disregard for her boundaries and needs, because apparently a younger woman's wants to keep the same job supersedes these.

Bit of a leap there! It's not ageism it's just trying to work out solutions to help family.

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:46

Purplebunnie · 28/08/2023 10:44

I've not read the whole thread only OP's posts.

Could your daughter live with you during the working week, would that ease the situation until she can find another job. It will be difficult but may be better than everyone having such an early start. I appreciate she won't want to lose her independence or her home

And what about the OPs independence and the OPs home ?

DragonFly98 · 28/08/2023 10:47

@rookiemere also you must have missed all the threads where women give up so much of their time to help their elderly parents.

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 10:48

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 28/08/2023 10:44

It's actually not so bad to be up that early as long as you go to bed at 10. I once had to travel far to go to uni and had to be up at 4 to catch a train at 5:30. I rather enjoyed it.

Another option for your daughter, OP, is for her to come around in the evening with him, put him to bed and then go home. He can sleep until 7 and then you can take him to daycare. Not the greatest arrangement but could work for a few months.

But what if OP doesn’t want to go to bed at 10pm?

What if she and her husband want to go out one evening?

What if they want to see friends or have friends over?

What if they want to go away for a week….what then?

Grandparent’s lives should not be dictated by the childcare expectations that are out on them.

1-2 days a week maybe, but certainly not for 5 days. It was too big of an ask and way too big of a commitment.

user1492757084 · 28/08/2023 10:48

The baby is seven months old. Hopefully within a few months his mother will have worked out other, better arrangements that do not involve OP near as much.

ButterCrackers · 28/08/2023 10:50

WantingToEducate · 28/08/2023 10:38

The nursery doesn’t open until 7am.

And I imagine OP would be expected to get the baby dressed and get her breakfast etc.

Plus at the root of it all - a baby cannot be woken up at 5.00am every morning.

What time will this baby be needing to go to bed in the evening to accommodate mum’s shifts?

I imagine it’s still going to be having naps and still need 12 hours sleep in total….so in bed for 5pm each night? And never mind how much more tired babies can get just by being in nursery and the stimulation it provides….

The baby may be bloody knackered (and so will OP) but I suppose the silver lining is that at least OP’s daughter will get her evenings to herself.

The baby’s dad may not be on the scene but he should be financially contributing and then his money can hopefully help find a more suitable childcare solution.

Edited

Show quote history

My bad - it is 7am for the nursery. An hour or so of childcare and off to nursery. The dgs will probably still be asleep when he arrives at his grans but if he is like my kids were he’ll not need to sleep! Up early and therefore the daughter can get him ready. If not he’ll need his gran to do a clean nappy, perhaps a wash (I did this in the mornings as a quick clean) and breakfast. The evenings to herself might not happen if her son doesn’t sleep much.

LittleBearPad · 28/08/2023 10:50

user1492757084 · 28/08/2023 10:48

The baby is seven months old. Hopefully within a few months his mother will have worked out other, better arrangements that do not involve OP near as much.

She’s had over 7 months to do this and hasn’t, why would she now

rookiemere · 28/08/2023 10:51

DragonFly98 · 28/08/2023 10:47

@rookiemere also you must have missed all the threads where women give up so much of their time to help their elderly parents.

Not at all, I don't agree with that either, and it's usually the same demographic- women in their 50s-60s who are expected to exist as some sort of human care machine.

Being in that age group myself it's hard not to notice it.