to not take grandson to nursery every day

[ncgran]

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

OP do you live in a university town, DD used to do overnights when she was a student so the parents went off to work, she got the kids ready and off to nursery/school. She got paid for sleeping for most of her "shift" so she loved it.

Its madness!

Never mind the OP’s daughter claiming child support from the father, OP should be claiming it from her daughter as it sounds like OP is going to be the main career….

Lucky mum having 5 uninterrupted nights sleep and relaxed mornings, whilst poor grandma is dealing with night time wakings and the hum-drum associated with getting the baby up, dressed and fed in the morning before taking her to nursery.

The thing is ( x childminder here) the child will come straight from bed, so it will be you doing the getting changed and dressed and breakfast, the baby will be woken brought to you then taken out again then picked up then picked up again. Not fair on anyone

I still think these suggestions of ‘can child stay over at OP’s is too much.

DD needs to change her working hours.

@ButterCrackers If you can prove and show a childminder who is ready to receive a child at 5.30 AM I will accept you are not living in la la land.

Maybe a childminder would suit better than a nursery, they are more likely to flex on hours? Also yes child support can be forced in theory. She should go through CMS.

Why don’t you prove that there are no childminders that work early hours including starting 5.30am. If you do a search in your area or post/look on a local group you’ll find someone, with all the necessary checks, willing to look after a child from that hour. It will cost though.

I don't believe those calculations sorry. I'll bet she hasn't taken the cost of the nursery off the £1800 a month more that she thinks she'd be better off by if working.

It's totally unrealistic though for her, you and the baby. Presumably she doesn't need to go back to work right now so she has a bit of time to look for something else?

I'd rather have him 2 full days say if you can manage it and then she puts him in nursery full days for the others. I'd help my kids out in a heartbeat if I could and wouldn't think them cheeky for asking, as long as they don't sulk if I say no I can't manage that.

As others have pointed out, it unlikely that you’d find one willing to start at 5.30.

1. she should put in a formal flexi work request which will make them refuse it in writing with the grounds they have for it. Can you get the details and post separately with her reading to ask about how best to phrase it? It needs to highlight that other staff do the shift she wants and it hasn’t been refueed as a flexi request before she went on leave and also if there were any communications about a big strategy change or if maybe this big strategy change that means they can’t offer this shift was not quite big enough… to inform staff about formally. Because fuck them for stopping family friendly hours.

and 2 you need to be really clear she needs to be job hunting if you’re doing this. Job hunting is painful and I can imagine it would easily slide if you’re a single mum returning to work and have a temporary solution in place.

No I was suggesting that they both stay over like weekly commuters

You said that is was “fiction” to find unsocial hours childcare. This care does exist in my area. So it is a reality not a fiction. The nursery that the OP’s daughter had found starts at 7am. Her job starts at 6am hence asking her mum for childcare at 5.30am. She could look around for other childcare solutions. It’s not easy hence she’s asked her mum which is easy. I find it natural to ask family to help. I would do this for my kids when they have kids.

Yes this is what I also meant, I wasn't meaning the grandparents have the baby but they both stay over.

Yeah I still think that’s a lot and OP still has the right to say no. Sorry.

Sorry I am with PP on this one. Apart from childminders needing to charge more getting up so early, there’s also the issue that childminders also work later such as 5 or 6pm, as there is obviously more demand for that. So if you can find a childminder who wants to 11-12 hours 5 days a week, good luck.

sorry for the delay, yes the 1.8k better off is without nursery fees, she is still 1k better off working though.

we had a long phone call and she is very upset not really sure how she is going to cope, it is very sad to know she is trying and i do want to help but as everyone has pointed out, it cannot be with this job. i mentioned her doing the official flexi working request thing and she has said she thinks she will get no where as her manager was quite rude and "hates working mothers" and actually joked with her when she started the job about "don't be getting pregnant haha" which doesnt sound great... but clearly since then they have actually been accommodating because other ladies HAVE got the different shift, but then she is explaining not everyone has her manager.

yes she does have skills and has been working there for 8 years with a lot of skills in the industry (im afraid i dont know too much about it) but her degree is in biochemistry. she says its hard finding work though and people think there is loads of stem jobs and there just isnt as she wants to stay local to me (understandable as we can help if needed) but she said she is happy to take other jobs in different fields

her ex was always a pleasant lad and i think it was a huge shock to us all how he acted especially as he was always the first person to offer to help me and dh out!! very upsetting. i so feel for my dd.

If her lab operates split shifts is it possible for her to switch to the late shift if they won'tdo regular hours? It's still tricky but it's easier to find evening childcare rather than early morning. A half 5 start is likely to be impossible to find outside a dedicated nanny.

I’d say agree to it for a fixed amount of time, say six months to give her the chance to find another job with better hours.

Your DD’s employer/manager needs to be very careful. My previous company was very easily sued for not supporting a new mother with new shifts/going part time and it can be easily counted as constructive dismissal

Childcare availability entirely depends where you are. Until Covid and the factory shutting down the timings of the major employer in my town meant it was easier to get childcare at 6.30am than it was to get childcare after 4pm.

there is a late shift which operates for different departments in the lab but then they are on a rotation where its 2 weeks of each, no department there just has the late shift so even if she did request to move departments that does have a late shift, she would need to be on 2 weekly rotation which she isnt sure is any better at all

@ncgran She needs to put an official flexible working request in. It's highly unlikely it'll be solely down to her manager -especially as the HR dept will be aware that other returning mothers have been granted it.

She should also keep a note of any comments like that by her manager - what he said, when (date and time), if it was in person or on the phone, and if anyone else was around.

Why can't the father help?