to not take grandson to nursery every day

[ncgran]

I work part-time and have a gorgeous grandson who is 7 months. I would be happy to look after him a couple times a week while DD is at work but can't really do more than that and she has asked if I would divide those hours to daily and take and pick up from nursery instead. She works from 6am-1pm and will be going back to work soon. The half days at nursery are from 7-12 and so she would like to drop him off to me for 5:30 and pick up at 1.30 and have me take and pick up from nursery. Does anyone know if they can do a bit longer at nursery and she can pick him up from there? or are they actually quite strict on this? The days I can't do, DH could honestly drop him off (would probably be once a week) but then we are doing 5 mornings a week... I know it sounds mean and we obviously adore them both but that is a lot to be tied to but she is a single parent and we want to help where we can and I would love to come to a compromise but know very little about nursery hours etc so any suggestions would be fab

Sounds like everyone is trying to make this work against some tough parameters. How about the pp example of your daughter putting her in bed with you upon arrival, or perhaps better, can she stay the night before sometimes, so dd leaves and you all get up as and when after? Will take the pressure off some mornings maybe

OP, wouldn’t it be easier for your daughter to leave the baby at your house overnight? If she dropped him off just before bedtime and settled him to sleep, he wouldn’t know any different.

The alternative sounds like a nightmare for everyone involved.

She works in a chemical lab.

I believe the sleeping over idea is the only workable one with these hours. Not necessarily given up her own home. If she can’t change her hours, could she request dropping down to a 4 day week, which would give her more time in her own home. It would be less money but also less childcare costs. She would already be doing well paying half days for childcare while working full time.

I’m not sure if she has put in a formal request to change her hours. It sounds just like there was a discussion and employer said no. If she hasn’t done it, then she needs to do it ASAP.

I also think sleeping over is the only workable solution really, even for a couple of nights and maybe she can sort nursery hours to suit.

See if you can find the nursery's policies on their website - mine charges by the hour but other nurseries charge in blocks - morning and afternoon sessions.

Absolutely say no to getting up at 5am everyday! That is way too much to ask of you. Totally understand she's in a very difficult position, but she needs to find a new job or put a flexible working request in to change her hours that match nursery hours. Good luck x

Very good advice if she hasn’t already done this!

I genuinely don't understand why this wasn't discussed long ago @ncgran and a solution found.

Your DD could take longer maternity leave if she can/ could afford to (depending when she stopped work before the birth.)

So she must have have had almost 9 months out of work now.
Why has she suddenly sprung this on you?

In those 9 months, she should have either applied for other jobs or pursued her current employer, formally in writing, for reasonable adjustments to her hours.

It's going to be very hard indeed to find any childcare that will start at 5.30am. The only option is a live-in nanny or au pair.

I know you have said the father has done a runner but he is still financially responsible for his child. Has she pursued maintenance? That might mean she could afford an au pair.

Has she avoided doing anything like this because it looks like she has assumed that you will step up? It's her problem to sort out.

I think she will find it very hard to find a childminder who will start that early, if she does be expecting to pay a high hourly rate until the childminder would normally start work. At least double time. Plus if she is then expected to drop off and collect from nursery to pay for those hours too as she will be unable to fill the space with an other child. I am sorry I would never have agreed to that early drop off as it would be a long working day with finishing at 6pm for other families, waking up whole house hold, would be slab bang as my others would start arriving plus the lunch time pick up interrupting lunch and nap times of the others in my care.

She can apply to CMS for child maintenance.

It can be a slog as a lot depends on who picks up her case, but if he has a job (especially if it's not worth him quitting his job to dodge it) then she can push them to get something.

If he's self employed then it can be much more complicated.

It’s fiction because childcare isn’t available for unsocial hours. Only usually works for 2 parents if one of them does the 9-5. For single parents it’s more or less impossible unless they earn a fortune and can pay a nanny. Not everyone has handy family members who can pick up the slack.

Nothing wrong with the grandparents helping with their grandchild imho

And there is nothing wrong with a grandparent not wanting to help out by getting up before 5:30am every morning to look after their grandchild, imho.

Unfortunately when you have a child you have to make childcare plans for your own child, not assuming others will pick up the pieces for you.

To do this for a very short time, or maybe even once or twice a week, perhaps. But every day - and for the length of time it takes to find a new job and get started? Chances are, even if she found a new job today it could be months before she starts it. Not all jobs only have a week or a month's notice.

The OP's child has already had 7 months, plus the pregnancy time, to find a new job but hasn't.

Staying overnight seems the only option here. These shifts are brutal. Surely her employer has to find some way to accommodate her needs. Has she put a formal request in writing ? Agreed with everyone else that everyone getting up at 5am is mad.

So baby stays at grandparent's house 5 days a week? With grandparents doing all the overnight childcare (not all 7m old babies sleep through) as well as getting up very early to do morning routines and nursery drop off? And then the op also having to,get up,and go to work at the weekends?

There are also childminders. They work from their own homes. It is costly but not like having a nanny. I didn’t have family to help.

Oh gosh. No. I rely on my mum for some childcare and nursery drop offs, but we have always had very open and blunt conversations about her limits. If you over commit, you risk an impact on your health and then she is really stuck. She needs to find a job and childcare that works in every scenario (overtime, she/you/baby being unwell, car breaks down, etc). Perhaps you could agree to do it for a fixed period while she finds another job? I’m sure she’s only asking because she’s really stuck and she can’t magic a new job or work pattern out of thin air. She should have thought this through a little more, but you are where you are now. Good luck, OP.

Has she looked into an au pair type situation?
So they could do the childcare each morning, meaning no need for the nursery at all. It might work out a better option.

Au pair is a good shout I reckon, if possible.

Yep-some posters think that the OP should do all this, all because her daughter appears to have done bugger all about sorting her own childcare out for months and months!

The phrase, ‘Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine’ springs to mind!

Au pairs shouldn’t have sole care of under twos regularly.

they’re also much harder to find since Brexit

Except OP’s daughter was told by her managers whilst still pregnant, that a change in shifts was not an option.

So OP has known for a minimum of 7 months, though most likely much longer, that her situation with childcare was going to be a problem when she returned to work but rather than deal with it and find a solution she just buried her head in the sand and now expects her mom to do the childcare.

Sorry excuse for a father and sorry excuse for work and flexibility.
A failings system which makes me so angry

Exactly. I’d write to my MP and illustrate the point about getting Britain back to work. Fucking nonsense situation.

I think if she can't reduce hours then she will have to move back in until she can find another job with better hours. Find a childminder instead of nursery so that she can do the pick ups rather than you.

I guess it depends how you view your GC, I view them pretty much like I viewed my own except I find getting up early a lot easier than I did as a teenage mum. I'm not sure if it's a curse or a blessing but at 70 I really don't sleep as long as I used to.

The OP seems more concerned about picking up at 12 than she does about the early start. I get that, messes up the day in a way an early start doesnt.

Has she put in a formal request to change her hours or for flexible working?

If not she needs to find another job.