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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I taking it too far?

123 replies

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 13:05

I've name changed for this.

Just want some perspectives on this please.

I'm 5' 8" and before I began trying to lose weight I weighed 11 stone. I appreciate that with a BMI of 23.3 that didn't put me in the overweight category. However, it was a personal thing to me as I didn't feel that I looked "myself" after having a baby a couple years ago, so wanted to get back the "old me" (who was always a very slim and toned size 8). So I began trying to lose weight by eating in a calorie deficit and increasing protein, and weight training, with the support of a qualified PT and nutritionist. Fast forward to 8 weeks later and I am now 9 stone 12 with a BMI of 20.9. This is roughly where I was pre baby, give or take maybe 2-3lbs. I didnt weigh myself often pre baby but I think my weight was around the 9 stone 7 ish mark back then.

I've been saying to DH and family / friends that I want to lose just a little bit more to get back to pre baby size and weight- so only around 4-5lbs more to go. I've done the bulk of the hard work already by losing just over a stone in a couple months, so not far to go. DH however thinks I'm getting a bit obsessed with it and is asking me every day what my calorie intake was today etc, as he thinks it's too low (it's been set my a nutritionist, so it's not). He says I'm taking it too far and am fine where I'm at now. My argument is that, I weighed less than this pre baby and no one looked at me and said "gosh you're thin, you need to put weight on". I was just a normal weight. So if I get back to that, what's the issue? Others (family members and friends) have also made similar comments to the effect "surely there's not much less to lose? You'll disappear" etc.

AIBU to want to get fully back to my pre baby weight and shape and not just stop here? If I reach my goal of 9 stone 7 my BMI will be 20.1 which is still firmly in the healthy range. So I don't understand the comments I'm getting. It's really demotivating when I actually need support to get where I want to be, as this will make me feel so much better in myself.

Any thoughts? AIBU??

OP posts:
MrsB2603 · 27/08/2023 13:11

This is so personal, it’s all about how you look and feel about yourself and your self esteem, without seeing you I can’t comment on if you’re “too thin” etc (not my place to regardless) all I know is that I am naturally slim and I exercise to keep fit because I enjoy it, I can’t stand comments like “what do you go to a gym for, you’re slim already” I think it’s incredibly ignorant, exercising isn’t all about losing weight, it’s about staying healthy, building muscle etc as well. I think unless it’s a genuine concern over an eating disorder for example then people don’t have to comment (if your family do think you’re obsessed with it all then it will only be coming from a place of concern)

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 13:19

Thanks @MrsB2603, it's frustrating isn't it. I used to go to the gym pre baby as well when I was a slim size 8 and I had similar comments about not "needing" to. I know I don't need to lose anymore weight either but I want to. I wonder if it's harder for people to get their head around why someone of an already healthy weight would want to diet and be even slimmer. But it's just not "me" until I get there. That's how I feel.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 27/08/2023 13:22

You’re losing weight in a sustainable lifestyle-changing way with professional advice and a combination of diet and exercise. You’re not crash dieting or doing some sort of faddy diet. Unless weight loss is all you talk about or focus on around other people then them commenting on your weight is pretty rude.

Are DH and the friends saying this a little bit overweight themselves? If so, it’s not uncommon for overweight people to not like it when someone around them loses weight because it highlights that they also need to lose weight - hence trying to convince you that you don’t need to lose any more and are ridiculously slim already.

MrsSamR · 27/08/2023 13:26

I'm the same height as you and when I turned 30 I joined a gym as was feeling like it was time I started looking after myself! I was about 10 stone so again not overweight but really got into diet and exercise in a big way and went from 10 stone to 8 and a half stone over the course of the year. People started out by saying I looked great but towards the end were saying I was too thin which looking back I definitely was! I think at 9 stone 7 pounds is absolutely fine but I think when people see someone who is very focused on weight loss and exercise they naturally start to worry as it is very easy to get 'obsessed' and I certainly was looking back. If you're confident that you will stop at 9 stone 7 pounds and maintain from there I say go for it. I'm sure your friends and family are coming from a good place though.

IseeNarcPeople · 27/08/2023 13:40

It sounds like you're doing everything healthily, however I personally think it's wrong to get hung up on weight (when you've reached a healthy weight) because muscles weigh the same as fat.
You may even weigh more than you did before because you're fitter. Somebody could have your ideal BMI but be unfit. I'd just go on how you feel. Well done by the way!

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 13:46

I've been saying to DH and family / friends that I want to lose just a little bit more to get back to pre baby size and weight- so only around 4-5lbs more to go.

Probably the issue is you talk about it a lot?

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 13:52

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 13:46

I've been saying to DH and family / friends that I want to lose just a little bit more to get back to pre baby size and weight- so only around 4-5lbs more to go.

Probably the issue is you talk about it a lot?

Not really, I mean I've obviously shared my achievements with those closest to me and they can visibly see the weight I've lost so they also comment on it at times. But also I log all my calories so if I'm eating with others, they'll be aware that way too.

OP posts:
MassiveOvaryaction · 27/08/2023 14:19

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 13:52

Not really, I mean I've obviously shared my achievements with those closest to me and they can visibly see the weight I've lost so they also comment on it at times. But also I log all my calories so if I'm eating with others, they'll be aware that way too.

Show quote history

It really is tedious if you're sharing every detail like this with others.

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 14:21

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 13:52

Not really, I mean I've obviously shared my achievements with those closest to me and they can visibly see the weight I've lost so they also comment on it at times. But also I log all my calories so if I'm eating with others, they'll be aware that way too.

Show quote history

Yeah that's where the comments come from

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 14:24

I was on a diet and no one bar DH knew. I just remembered and logged the cals later. They just saw the loss and that was the only thing. I just said "thanks yeah, hard slog" and didn't want to talk about it more.
Peolle who do "hold on I need to log my cals/count if I can eat x" always did my head in. Just do it without performance

PollyAmour · 27/08/2023 14:27

It sounds as though you have become a tiny bit obsessed with your weight loss journey. I would dial it back a bit, and stop talking about logging calories etc. People see you as being slim already and don't understand why you are continuing to make weight loss a big part of your life. Carry on doing what you're doing but don't expect other people to be enthusiastic about a slim person talking about dieting all the time.

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:28

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 14:24

I was on a diet and no one bar DH knew. I just remembered and logged the cals later. They just saw the loss and that was the only thing. I just said "thanks yeah, hard slog" and didn't want to talk about it more.
Peolle who do "hold on I need to log my cals/count if I can eat x" always did my head in. Just do it without performance

🙄 it's not "performance", it's so I can remember.

OP posts:
Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:28

@MassiveOvaryaction

I didn't say I was sharing "every detail"?

OP posts:
Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:32

Also if you're eating out with others and calories aren't on the menu, you need to ask for the calories. So obviously that will make others aware, as they can hear me ask and are then curious etc. Using words like "performance" is just silly, I am in no way making an announcement about it. It's just a part of my life that others are naturally aware of.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 27/08/2023 14:32

Your body, your choice
When you’re logging your calories, how do people know unless you tell them? Surely you could be doing anything on your phone!
Anyway I’d keep it on the low if people are starting to comment as it’s obviously becoming a bit of a thing. Join a weight loss group online if you want support

Grapewrath · 27/08/2023 14:33

Also you don’t need to ask the calories in restaurants- a quick google of the menu or the dish is sufficient surely?

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:33

Grapewrath · 27/08/2023 14:32

Your body, your choice
When you’re logging your calories, how do people know unless you tell them? Surely you could be doing anything on your phone!
Anyway I’d keep it on the low if people are starting to comment as it’s obviously becoming a bit of a thing. Join a weight loss group online if you want support

Sometimes I scan barcodes, eg eating a pre packed salad on my lunch break at work as an example. Other times it's as I've said above - asking in restaurants or cafes for calories if they are not included on menus.

OP posts:
Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:34

Grapewrath · 27/08/2023 14:33

Also you don’t need to ask the calories in restaurants- a quick google of the menu or the dish is sufficient surely?

Nope, not in all places.

OP posts:
roarrfeckingroar · 27/08/2023 14:36

They're being weird. You're right in the middle of healthy.

I like to keep my BMI on the low side because I'm small boned and don't carry weight well.

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 14:38

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:32

Also if you're eating out with others and calories aren't on the menu, you need to ask for the calories. So obviously that will make others aware, as they can hear me ask and are then curious etc. Using words like "performance" is just silly, I am in no way making an announcement about it. It's just a part of my life that others are naturally aware of.

I never did ask Confused I've never met anyone asking at least not at the table. Normally people just log in closest thing.
That is literally making an announcement about it so it cannot come as a surprise that someone will become concerned about obsessiveness

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:40

Haha "making an announcement" to say to the waiter "please could you tell me the calories in x or y?" 😂 ok then. If I had a megaphone, you'd have a point. How ridiculous.

OP posts:
roarrfeckingroar · 27/08/2023 14:41

It sounds performative when you're asking the waiter. Just make an educated guess or don't eat out.

morekidsthanhands · 27/08/2023 14:42

I have never asked for calories of a meal in a restaurant or heard of anyone else doing so either... I started this thread on your side but it does seem a bit of a performance really.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 27/08/2023 14:42

Honestly if I was having lunch with you & you asked for the calorie value of everything you ate & logged it there & then I’d find that very uncomfortable & be worried for you 🤷‍♀️

DrManhattan · 27/08/2023 14:43

Surely you can estimate and don't need to ask. I'd be worried if a mate of mine was logging calories whilst we were out. Its easy to get sucked into the weight loss 'achievement' rollercoaster. Take care.