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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I taking it too far?

123 replies

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 13:05

I've name changed for this.

Just want some perspectives on this please.

I'm 5' 8" and before I began trying to lose weight I weighed 11 stone. I appreciate that with a BMI of 23.3 that didn't put me in the overweight category. However, it was a personal thing to me as I didn't feel that I looked "myself" after having a baby a couple years ago, so wanted to get back the "old me" (who was always a very slim and toned size 8). So I began trying to lose weight by eating in a calorie deficit and increasing protein, and weight training, with the support of a qualified PT and nutritionist. Fast forward to 8 weeks later and I am now 9 stone 12 with a BMI of 20.9. This is roughly where I was pre baby, give or take maybe 2-3lbs. I didnt weigh myself often pre baby but I think my weight was around the 9 stone 7 ish mark back then.

I've been saying to DH and family / friends that I want to lose just a little bit more to get back to pre baby size and weight- so only around 4-5lbs more to go. I've done the bulk of the hard work already by losing just over a stone in a couple months, so not far to go. DH however thinks I'm getting a bit obsessed with it and is asking me every day what my calorie intake was today etc, as he thinks it's too low (it's been set my a nutritionist, so it's not). He says I'm taking it too far and am fine where I'm at now. My argument is that, I weighed less than this pre baby and no one looked at me and said "gosh you're thin, you need to put weight on". I was just a normal weight. So if I get back to that, what's the issue? Others (family members and friends) have also made similar comments to the effect "surely there's not much less to lose? You'll disappear" etc.

AIBU to want to get fully back to my pre baby weight and shape and not just stop here? If I reach my goal of 9 stone 7 my BMI will be 20.1 which is still firmly in the healthy range. So I don't understand the comments I'm getting. It's really demotivating when I actually need support to get where I want to be, as this will make me feel so much better in myself.

Any thoughts? AIBU??

OP posts:
Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:03

Belles28 · 27/08/2023 16:00

@losingmoreweight in answer to your original question OP, YANBU to want to lose a touch more weight if you feel that's right for you & you're still in healthy range. The comments from family/friends etc come from love & natural concern but you've done fantastic & if you feel those extra 4-5lbs would make you happier then go for it. Well done!

Thank you

OP posts:
Spanne · 27/08/2023 16:04

How long does the calorie logging take? You don’t think it’s a bit shit to ignore your companions whilst on your phone at the table?
Weight fluctuates, the exact number on the scale means very little and your body had probably completely changed since the last time you were the weight you’re aiming for. I’d honestly spend time now working out how to be in maintenance without impacting your life too much.

soberfabulous · 27/08/2023 16:07

YANBU. Im 5 foot 9 and 9 stone 4-9 stone 7. Im happy healthy and strong.

We've lost sight of what a healthy weight is.

Well done on your weight loss!

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:09

Spanne · 27/08/2023 16:04

How long does the calorie logging take? You don’t think it’s a bit shit to ignore your companions whilst on your phone at the table?
Weight fluctuates, the exact number on the scale means very little and your body had probably completely changed since the last time you were the weight you’re aiming for. I’d honestly spend time now working out how to be in maintenance without impacting your life too much.

It typically takes around 60 seconds to log, depending on the complexity of the meal. Sometimes less.

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 27/08/2023 16:10

IseeNarcPeople · 27/08/2023 13:40

It sounds like you're doing everything healthily, however I personally think it's wrong to get hung up on weight (when you've reached a healthy weight) because muscles weigh the same as fat.
You may even weigh more than you did before because you're fitter. Somebody could have your ideal BMI but be unfit. I'd just go on how you feel. Well done by the way!

Agree with this. I was a size 8/10 for much of my late teens/early 20s at your height OP and very, very slim. Yet I weighed around 10st. Anything less and I'd have looked unhealthy. But a lot of me was muscle. Now I need to drastically change as I am over 13 stone - but actually it's more my size not weight. My aim is a size 10 but want to get back to a 12 within 4 months first and a 10 within a year as I don't have much spare time and know I am going to struggle. I wish I had your motivation. I'm not thinking so much about the actual weight as my experience has shown me it depends so much on how you look not just what the scales say.

KimberleyClark · 27/08/2023 16:11

Are you naturally very slight of build or do you have a medium/large frame? If the latter than a BMI of 20.1 might be too low for you.

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 16:12

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 16:02

@TheAOEAztec say what now?

Small kitchens do not have time to go and calculate when someone asks. It's also mostly not possible accurately anyway before or after cooking in fast environment like that. It's not a home kitchen when one has all the time in the world. That's just common sense.
Since it doesn't have to be on menu, there is no need to weight and count as they cook for premade things like stews etc, which takes valuable time too.
So yes, you would get some guesstimate most likely after someone googled similar meal while mumling "how the fuck am i supposed to know that".
Like "oh the rice, well we put some oil. How much? Some. I dunno. Some"
There is a reason they are exempt.
Tbh any place I worked in would just say fair and square they don't know but time changed and no one wants bad reviews.

MarshyMcMarshFace · 27/08/2023 16:16

You don’t need ‘support’ from friends and family in addition to your DH to
lose 4-5 lb.

You don’t need to log calories on an occasional meal out, and it is rude and tiresome to do so. Just don’t choose a massive portion of chips and sticky toffee pud.

You have successfully lost a chunk of weight, quietly get on with the rest in a slow, steady, sustainable way.

I lost 3 stone at about 1lb a week without telling anyone I was adjusting to healthier eating. They noticed, after a while but I didn’t make it a topic of conversation. I wasn’t on My 600lb Life and needing to engage my whole family in a regime.

Just calm down and get on with it.

LLMS2022 · 27/08/2023 16:20

Who really cares, why are you even bothering to ask other people's opinions when they can't see your appearance and how your weight looks on you? You sound completely obsessed and a right bloody bore to be honest 😴

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:20

KimberleyClark · 27/08/2023 16:11

Are you naturally very slight of build or do you have a medium/large frame? If the latter than a BMI of 20.1 might be too low for you.

I have a small build.

OP posts:
Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:20

MarshyMcMarshFace · 27/08/2023 16:16

You don’t need ‘support’ from friends and family in addition to your DH to
lose 4-5 lb.

You don’t need to log calories on an occasional meal out, and it is rude and tiresome to do so. Just don’t choose a massive portion of chips and sticky toffee pud.

You have successfully lost a chunk of weight, quietly get on with the rest in a slow, steady, sustainable way.

I lost 3 stone at about 1lb a week without telling anyone I was adjusting to healthier eating. They noticed, after a while but I didn’t make it a topic of conversation. I wasn’t on My 600lb Life and needing to engage my whole family in a regime.

Just calm down and get on with it.

😂

OP posts:
ManchesterLu · 27/08/2023 16:20

I can't say for sure because I don't know you/your situation/your behaviour, but when I lost a significant amount of weight I got some comments too from people saying I was going too far.

I was a healthy BMI (22, bang in the middle of the healthy range) down from 38.

Suddenly, everyone had an opinion. I was very slim, exercised and ate healthily - yet people were telling me it was unhealthy and too far. Perhaps because it was so different to how I looked before, but I was happy, healthy, fit and strong.

When I was bigger, people would tell me I was beautiful, yet THAT was when I was REALLY dangerously unhealthy, yet they said nothing then?!

I don't understand.

lljkk · 27/08/2023 16:20

When you were 9stone 7 before, did you always ask for the calorie count when you went to a restaurant?

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:21

LLMS2022 · 27/08/2023 16:20

Who really cares, why are you even bothering to ask other people's opinions when they can't see your appearance and how your weight looks on you? You sound completely obsessed and a right bloody bore to be honest 😴

Thank you. You sound delightful too.

OP posts:
Maria1982 · 27/08/2023 16:21

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:40

Haha "making an announcement" to say to the waiter "please could you tell me the calories in x or y?" 😂 ok then. If I had a megaphone, you'd have a point. How ridiculous.

Yes honestly, this comes across incredibly performative.
also, I wouldn’t even expect the waiter to k ow the calorie content of dishes! If it’s not displayed in the menu, it won’t have been calculated , right? I doubt the kitchen is weighing portions …

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:22

lljkk · 27/08/2023 16:20

When you were 9stone 7 before, did you always ask for the calorie count when you went to a restaurant?

No I literally never cared what I ate. Ever. But that's because before I had my child, I was super slim effortlessly. Now that's not the case, and I gained 1.5 stone after pregnancy. So now I need to track otherwise I won't get the weight back down.

OP posts:
bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 16:23

@TheAOEAztec it makes no more sense this time round love

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 27/08/2023 16:24

I suspect their concern isn't directly about your weight loss but more whether or not you are becoming obsessive and in danger of developing an eating disorder.

Logging calories in itself is not a bad thing but getting to the point of asking the restaurant to give you the exact calories and loggingthem immediately, where most people would be content with a self estimate, is an early indicator that it's becoming obsessive.

They are just looking out for your welfare as you appear to be straying towards obsessive.

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 16:26

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 16:23

@TheAOEAztec it makes no more sense this time round love

Well then I can't help anymore

Original poster
losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:27

It's interesting, because I've read a lot of threads on the weight loss section on here. And there's lots of talk of calorie tracking and weighing / measuring / being aware of macros etc. It's seen as a normal and necessary part of weight loss when overweight people want to become a healthy weight. But when a person who is a healthy weight already wants to do the same, it's "performative" and "boring" and "annoying". Interesting.

OP posts:
Annaishere · 27/08/2023 16:29

YANBU. I’m 5’7 and 12 stone right now. My normal weight before I started the medication that made me put it on was 8.5 stone. I want to be the way I was before. I was thin but that’s my normal. There’s a tendency today for people to dramatise things like this

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 16:34

@TheAOEAztec I understand how it works, it's just you're not making much sense. If she guesses the calories she has no idea what they put in the dish so it's not going to be anywhere near accurate. She won't know if they used butter, oil, sugar etc....only they can say what exactly is in it and how much of each ingredient they used. They will also be giving an estimate but it's a much better estimate than anyone who doesn't know exactly what was in the meal can make.

Anyway OP, you've done great and I think there's some insecurities behind some of these responses. You do what you feel comfortable with, you're healthy and that's the main thing.

luckylavender · 27/08/2023 16:34

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 14:32

Also if you're eating out with others and calories aren't on the menu, you need to ask for the calories. So obviously that will make others aware, as they can hear me ask and are then curious etc. Using words like "performance" is just silly, I am in no way making an announcement about it. It's just a part of my life that others are naturally aware of.

No, I think you're oversharing. I've lost the best part of 4 stone over 2 years - I needed to and am now a healthy BMI. I don't share it with anyone because everyone has an opinion and I certainly wouldn't be asking for calories if I was out with friends. I work it out afterwards. Obviously people have noticed but I get drawn in as little as I can.

lljkk · 27/08/2023 16:36

At your current rate of loss, you should reach goal weight in what, 10 weeks? So promise to pause calorie counting in 10 weeks no matter what. Maybe that would assure those around you that you have a stop plan.

Inmybirthdaysuit · 27/08/2023 16:36

The way you are talking about it all here seems rather obsessive. In real life though if you don't want comment then don't talk about it, it is boring and tedious for others and if someone is blathering on about their diet and weight to you, you feel like you have to say something back and sometimes people get it wrong so comments that you don't like will happen. Like when people say aw you don't need to lose anymore weight, what else are they meant to say if you say you want to lose more? Yeah your right another half a stone and you'll finally be skinny? People just say whatever shit comes to mind that sounds kind of nice when they are made to talk about stuff they really don't care about.