Am I taking it too far?

[losingmoreweight]

I've name changed for this.

Just want some perspectives on this please.

I'm 5' 8" and before I began trying to lose weight I weighed 11 stone. I appreciate that with a BMI of 23.3 that didn't put me in the overweight category. However, it was a personal thing to me as I didn't feel that I looked "myself" after having a baby a couple years ago, so wanted to get back the "old me" (who was always a very slim and toned size 8). So I began trying to lose weight by eating in a calorie deficit and increasing protein, and weight training, with the support of a qualified PT and nutritionist. Fast forward to 8 weeks later and I am now 9 stone 12 with a BMI of 20.9. This is roughly where I was pre baby, give or take maybe 2-3lbs. I didnt weigh myself often pre baby but I think my weight was around the 9 stone 7 ish mark back then.

I've been saying to DH and family / friends that I want to lose just a little bit more to get back to pre baby size and weight- so only around 4-5lbs more to go. I've done the bulk of the hard work already by losing just over a stone in a couple months, so not far to go. DH however thinks I'm getting a bit obsessed with it and is asking me every day what my calorie intake was today etc, as he thinks it's too low (it's been set my a nutritionist, so it's not). He says I'm taking it too far and am fine where I'm at now. My argument is that, I weighed less than this pre baby and no one looked at me and said "gosh you're thin, you need to put weight on". I was just a normal weight. So if I get back to that, what's the issue? Others (family members and friends) have also made similar comments to the effect "surely there's not much less to lose? You'll disappear" etc.

AIBU to want to get fully back to my pre baby weight and shape and not just stop here? If I reach my goal of 9 stone 7 my BMI will be 20.1 which is still firmly in the healthy range. So I don't understand the comments I'm getting. It's really demotivating when I actually need support to get where I want to be, as this will make me feel so much better in myself.

Any thoughts? AIBU??

😂😂 my PT/nutritionist literally told me to ask if it's not on the menu. But ok. I'm a performative weirdo. 👍🏻😂

You've lost weight quite quickly and they're concerned you're at risk of disordered eating, that's all.

I don't want to estimate. I weigh everything at home too. The whole point is I want to know exactly what I'm consuming, otherwise what's the point in calorie counting, as it won't be accurate?

@losingmoreweight what did you expect posting on here? You are asking people to judge your actions

No, in fact I wasn't asking for any judgement on calorie counting and my specific methods for this.

My question was whether I am unreasonable to want to lose even more weight to be back at my pre baby weight of 9 stone 7.

@losingmoreweight you don't have to be accurate to the exact calorie, you will still lose weight

That contradicts most of the weight loss advice I've read on the threads on here, where the advice is to weigh and count everything.

I agree with you on everything except for the way you are asking waiters for details of / calories / recording them when you are out eating with others. I think in that situation, you accept that you have to try to select the healthiest option from the menu but that eating out is the one time you have let go a bit. It’s probably not great for everyone else there to feel like they are treating themselves and in contrast you’re there in strictly measuring the calories. It’s regimented eating rather than overall balanced eating. If you have a meal out, that isn’t going to affect the steady trajectory of losing weight. It will look to others like you can’t let go of thoughts about your weight even when you’re meant to be enjoying yourself so that’s why they are probably raising eyebrows.

@losingmoreweight do you know precisely how many calories you burn each day? How many from each activity you do? I would be surprised if you knew exactly. The point I'm making is to not be so rigid and tough with yourself. If you estimate the calories incorrectly on occasion its not going to sabotage your overall goal.

Are n’t restaurants and takeaways required to mark calories in menus now? Or have I made that up?

My PT / nutritionist worked out my TDEE based on my activity level. So I know roughly. I'm eating around 400-500 cals below this each day. And I've steadily lost around 1-2lbs a week this way so it must be roughly correct. But yes, I take your point.

I thought so too but they don't all have them.

I’d also add - I’d worry that what the nutritionist is teaching you to do to lose weight right now is not sustainable, as once you lose weight and teach your target, how will you maintain it? You’ll need to continue to calorie count everything to keep your weight the same. A slight bit of fluctuation is normal which is why you’re better to think about how your clothes fit and feel rather than this target number of stones and pounds. I was nearly a stone heavier at my absolute fittest than my lightest ever weight - it was toned muscle.

I think if the restaurant is under a certain capacity it’s not a legal requirement. So definitely for chain type places but a small local cafe type place wouldn’t be required to do so.

I think if you want to lose weight, it’s your choice entirely. I also think it’s probably tedious/concerning for those around you to have your diet be so regimented and intrusive.

Only certain size places are required to have cals on menu. Most small places would have hell of an expense to get ut right.

Yanbu to lose wight to your previous one. Yabu to think people are not right to be concerned when you go as far as asking waiters for calories

Totally agree. OP stop looking at it as a diet and just adjust to think this is normal life diet now, no need to be mentioning it and tracking meticulously or sharing your calories with others

But isn't the point here that you don't need to lose another 4-5 pounds, because you are already at the lower end of a healthy weight.

You might want to, and that's fine. But it means that actually counting every calorie is pretty unnecessary.

If you have a meal out, fab - but what's the worst that happens, it delays your remaining, fairly negligible weight loss for an extra 3 days? What if other people out don't want to know what calories are in things? I would honestly find it really tiresome.

I think I would try and end up at a compromise if I were you - so log calories, sure. But try not to log them while you're eating with others because it does look a bit obsessive. And don't go around changing the focus of a meal out from company and delicious food to calories and weight loss.

You're asking about calories when you're out having a meal, you're logging calories such that everyone you're with is aware of what you're doing, talking with your dp and your family. Dropping in "my PT says" in every conversation.

Does literally anyone else you're with do this?

You're asking about calories when you're out having a meal,

Only if they're on the menu or the website, as previously stated.

you're logging calories such that everyone you're with is aware of what you're doing,

Only if I scan a barcode of say a salad pot or something on my lunch break at work. Otherwise, no, I just go on my phone and log them and no one is aware.

talking with your dp and your family.

Yeah, this is pretty normal is it not? I talk to my partner and my family about a lot of things in my life and theirs. I've also lost a noticeable amount of weight and so the comments are often unsolicited from these people as they can see the difference and they comment on it.

Dropping in "my PT says" in every conversation.

You just made that up. Literally nowhere did I say I drop "my PT says" into "every conversation". 🙄

only if they're not* on the menu, that should be

OP I salute you, you've seemingly lost weight the right and healthy way. However, I can see why others may feel you have become obsessed and are concerned - the way you talk about logging everything exactly, weighing at home etc. when you are at the lower end of your BMI and to everyone else you look like you're back to pre baby then this may worry them.

I'd perhaps be a little more discreet about logging and not talk about it. I'd also reflect whether their concerns are valid?

Everyone around you is obviously a little worried that you are a little obsessive about it. If you set a target and then said 'just a little bit more' when you got there then it's easy to interpret that way. So long as you are losing healthily and have a healthy target crack on.

I honestly see nothing wrong with your goals or your methods op. It's not performance, it's you going about your life without hiding it - that doesn't mean your flaunting it just because it's not a big hush hush secret ffs. I also ask for calories in restaurants because it helps me chose appropriately and make good choices the rest of my week if I've happened to eat double my calories one particular day! If I want something, I eat it and make choices around that. Its not an eating disorder, its balancing lifestyle with your goals. People who don't do this like to make a big deal of it or make it out to be a big problem or issue, possibly from a place of insecurity themselves? At the same time it's considered rude to pass comment on the amount of food an overweight person eats, so why is this any different? I wouldn't dream of telling someone what they ate was excessive, but its fine the other way around? I know eating disorders exist and are very serious, but I think these days people have very skewed opinions of portion sizes and healthy weight ranges.

I think how defensive you are being on this thread might be indicative of your general attitude towards your diet- talking about it alot but then shooting down any advice or concern, no leeway at all even when eating out etc. I can see why people might be worried about you. If you don't want people to comment then stop being so performative around them.

Is that a fast rate of weight loss? 1 stone in 8 weeks? I assumed that was a typical weight loss trajectory but perhaps not.