Page 5 | Am I taking it too far?

losingmoreweight · 2023-08-27T12:05:30+00:00

I've name changed for this. Just want some perspectives on this please. I'm 5' 8" and before I began trying to lose weight I weighed 11 stone. I appreciate that with a BMI of 23.3 that didn't put me in the overweight category. However, it was a personal thing to me as I didn't feel that I looked "myself" after having a baby a couple years ago, so wanted to get back the "old me" (who was always a very slim and toned size 8). So I began trying to lose weight by eating in a calorie deficit and increasing protein, and weight training, with the support of a qualified PT and nutritionist. Fast forward to 8 weeks later and I am now 9 stone 12 with a BMI of 20.9. This is roughly where I was pre baby, give or take maybe 2-3lbs. I didnt weigh myself often pre baby but I think my weight was around the 9 stone 7 ish mark back then. I've been saying to DH and family / friends that I want to lose just a little bit more to get back to pre baby size and weight- so only around 4-5lbs more to go. I've done the bulk of the hard work already by losing just over a stone in a couple months, so not far to go. DH however thinks I'm getting a bit obsessed with it and is asking me every day what my calorie intake was today etc, as he thinks it's too low (it's been set my a nutritionist, so it's not). He says I'm taking it too far and am fine where I'm at now. My argument is that, I weighed less than this pre baby and no one looked at me and said "gosh you're thin, you need to put weight on". I was just a normal weight. So if I get back to that, what's the issue? Others (family members and friends) have also made similar comments to the effect "surely there's not much less to lose? You'll disappear" etc. AIBU to want to get fully back to my pre baby weight and shape and not just stop here? If I reach my goal of 9 stone 7 my BMI will be 20.1 which is still firmly in the healthy range. So I don't understand the comments I'm getting. It's really demotivating when I actually need support to get where I want to be, as this will make me feel so much better in myself. Any thoughts? AIBU??

luckylavender · 27/08/2023 16:39

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 15:44

It's also interesting how hyper focussed on the logging of calories this discussion has become. When my AIBU was actually whether I was unreasonable to want to lose more weight than I've lost, not whether I'm unreasonable to log calories as part of that.

It's part of a picture. Anyhow you've asked for advice being on AIBU and you don't like the advice you've been given. So carry on as you are & people will keep on commenting on your body because you've overshared.

Inmybirthdaysuit · 27/08/2023 16:39

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:27

It's interesting, because I've read a lot of threads on the weight loss section on here. And there's lots of talk of calorie tracking and weighing / measuring / being aware of macros etc. It's seen as a normal and necessary part of weight loss when overweight people want to become a healthy weight. But when a person who is a healthy weight already wants to do the same, it's "performative" and "boring" and "annoying". Interesting.

I'd feel the same if someone fat wanted to talk macros and weighing and measuring. I'm a healthy weight, always have been, I don't know what a macro is and I don't care. I'll give a good for you if someone wants a pat on the back for losing weight but I really don't want the details, it is boring hearing about what someone eats or doesn't eat.

Original poster

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:39

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 16:34

@TheAOEAztec I understand how it works, it's just you're not making much sense. If she guesses the calories she has no idea what they put in the dish so it's not going to be anywhere near accurate. She won't know if they used butter, oil, sugar etc....only they can say what exactly is in it and how much of each ingredient they used. They will also be giving an estimate but it's a much better estimate than anyone who doesn't know exactly what was in the meal can make.

Anyway OP, you've done great and I think there's some insecurities behind some of these responses. You do what you feel comfortable with, you're healthy and that's the main thing.

Thank you 😊

OP posts:

MarshyMcMarshFace · 27/08/2023 16:41

And there's lots of talk of calorie tracking and weighing / measuring / being aware of macros etc. It's seen as a normal and necessary part of weight loss when overweight people want to become a healthy weight.

Yes, but where is it normal to be discussing it with family and friends, and saying you need ‘support’ from them? As you have?

Fine if you want to lose another few Lbs. Why so bothered that family and friends who can clearly see you are a healthy weight have the temerity to say so? Your feedback is from your PT is hardly going to be null and void because you had one meal out where you can give no more details than ‘lean steak with half a baked potato and a salad’. You presumably have the common sense not to choose chips, a milkshake and a dessert of roly poly pudding.

Original poster

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:42

Anyhow you've asked for advice being on AIBU and you don't like the advice you've been given.

I asked a specific question, which is in my OP: whether I am unreasonable to want to lose more weight than I have already. I did not ask whether I was unreasonable to log calories / macros. Yet many posters have got really hung up on that specific detail and lost my original question.

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 27/08/2023 16:45

1 stone is not a huge amount in 8 weeks. At a younger age l would drop a stone in 3 weeks ...not now in my 60s unfortunately.
But you have done that. You will easily drop another few pounds...quietly by yourself. I agree with most people here that you are far too public with your methods. At this stage you know what to eat to lose maybe a pound a week. For goodness sake stop talking about it. At just over 9 stone you will do people's heads in. Just relax a bit and continue healthy eating and exercise but STOP SHARING!!!

Original poster

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:46

Yes, but where is it normal to be discussing it with family and friends, and saying you need ‘support’ from them? As you have?

It's normal to discuss a whole range of things with family and friends, I would assume. Otherwise what's the point in relationships with others? We'd all just exist in a vacuum and never discuss our lives with anyone. I meant support in the sense that I don't need to be questioned about it and asked by my partner what I've eaten so he can "check" I've eaten enough etc. And comments to the effect "wow you've lost weight I can definitely tell, why do you need to lose anymore?" Etc. I don't mean support as in constant cheerleading. Just not the negativity and questioning.

OP posts:

Spanne · 27/08/2023 16:46

No one here can answer your specific question because we can’t see you and don’t know the calories you consume or burn. We can try and let you know why your husband might be either worried by your tracking habits or bored by them.

Anyway .. whatever .. you’ve done really well. Losing weight is difficult. I hope you achieve what you want to.

Original poster

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:49

junebirthdaygirl · 27/08/2023 16:45

1 stone is not a huge amount in 8 weeks. At a younger age l would drop a stone in 3 weeks ...not now in my 60s unfortunately.
But you have done that. You will easily drop another few pounds...quietly by yourself. I agree with most people here that you are far too public with your methods. At this stage you know what to eat to lose maybe a pound a week. For goodness sake stop talking about it. At just over 9 stone you will do people's heads in. Just relax a bit and continue healthy eating and exercise but STOP SHARING!!!

I am not just over 9 stone. I am just under 10 stone currently.

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Everydayimhuffling · 27/08/2023 16:53

The fact that your DH is so concerned suggests that you are being quite obsessive about it and may need to slow down or take a break from it. He's there with you and seeing your behaviour. It's not necessarily a problem for you to keep going with your weight loss, but his concern is definitely worth taking into consideration.

I would find your behaviour a bit concerning in any size of person, to be honest.

junebirthdaygirl · 27/08/2023 17:16

Well 4 to 5 pounds will drop off now without too much fuss so work away quietly on your own...no conversations.

MrsToadflax · 27/08/2023 17:17

I assume you're not constantly eating out, so as you're slim already I don't understand the need to know the exact calories of the odd meal out. Fine to count and log at home, but surely you don't need to know every single calorie at this stage and don't want to live the rest of your life calorie counting and constantly restricting yourself. Sounds miserable for the sake of a few pounds.

thecatinthetwat · 27/08/2023 17:27

Other ppl like to make comments, ‘oh there’s nothing of you’ etc. I’m actually just inside the healthy weight category and happy to stay there. Ignore ppls comments and set your own goals. It’s none of their business.

I wouldn’t ask for calories in a restaurant though, that’s too much imo. You’re obviously well on the way to hitting your target. Maybe just leave it when eating socially.

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 17:55

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 16:34

@TheAOEAztec I understand how it works, it's just you're not making much sense. If she guesses the calories she has no idea what they put in the dish so it's not going to be anywhere near accurate. She won't know if they used butter, oil, sugar etc....only they can say what exactly is in it and how much of each ingredient they used. They will also be giving an estimate but it's a much better estimate than anyone who doesn't know exactly what was in the meal can make.

Anyway OP, you've done great and I think there's some insecurities behind some of these responses. You do what you feel comfortable with, you're healthy and that's the main thing.

No. What you don't understand is that they will most likely absolutely not try to figure out how much butter or oil they put in for that one person asking.
Knob of butter, dash of oil. They will not be spending time trying to figure it out. It's no better guesstimate than op can have at the end of the day.

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 17:56

@TheAOEAztec ok love

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 18:00

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 17:56

@TheAOEAztec ok love

Ok love.

This is the same naivete like people who thhink rice can't be reheated thinking every portion is made to order 🤷

bladebladebla1 · 27/08/2023 18:02

@TheAOEAztec OMG, I was just thinking about rice and how it can't be reheated, how did you know?

TheAOEAztec · 27/08/2023 18:05

You keep taking piss and think you get chefs to count your calories.

IShouldBeSoLurky · 27/08/2023 18:20

OP just to give you a different perspective on this. I’ve been losing weight in a similar way to you over the past few months, although not as much (gone from around 9 stone 6 to around 8 stone 13) through cutting down on sugar and booze while tracking protein and training hard. I’m the same height as you so my BMI is now around 19. I don’t need to lose more but I’m finding it really hard to change my mindset. The logging/tracking/steady weight loss while not feeling hungry because you’re eating well is kind of addictive and I’m a bit worried about it as is my DP.

I don’t know what the answer is but I think this is the reason people are concerned, not because you’re logging calories in restaurants! If you want to lose another pound or two that’s fine, but be aware it’s not easy to stop.

Original poster

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 18:31

IShouldBeSoLurky · 27/08/2023 18:20

OP just to give you a different perspective on this. I’ve been losing weight in a similar way to you over the past few months, although not as much (gone from around 9 stone 6 to around 8 stone 13) through cutting down on sugar and booze while tracking protein and training hard. I’m the same height as you so my BMI is now around 19. I don’t need to lose more but I’m finding it really hard to change my mindset. The logging/tracking/steady weight loss while not feeling hungry because you’re eating well is kind of addictive and I’m a bit worried about it as is my DP.

I don’t know what the answer is but I think this is the reason people are concerned, not because you’re logging calories in restaurants! If you want to lose another pound or two that’s fine, but be aware it’s not easy to stop.

This is helpful, and from someone with similar experiences. Thanks for this.

OP posts:

NooNakedJacuzziness · 27/08/2023 18:53

If you ask a waiter how many calories is in a dish do they automatically know or do they need to go and check? If the latter then it does make it into more of a deal than it needs to be. Food is such a touchy subject for a lot of people - you could inadvertently make the people you're with feel a bit shit about their own choices. Eating out is meant to be fun after all.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 27/08/2023 19:23

losingmoreweight · 27/08/2023 16:27

It's interesting, because I've read a lot of threads on the weight loss section on here. And there's lots of talk of calorie tracking and weighing / measuring / being aware of macros etc. It's seen as a normal and necessary part of weight loss when overweight people want to become a healthy weight. But when a person who is a healthy weight already wants to do the same, it's "performative" and "boring" and "annoying". Interesting.

But you aren't overweight, I think it's fine to lose the last 4-5lbs for you but being so hung up on logging correctly when you are a healthy weight can look like disordered eating. I'm not saying you have disordered eating but that is why others are sharing concern. It's so easy to tip over!

DiaNaranja · 27/08/2023 19:36

If you're sat there logging calories at family events meals out etc, people are bound to comment, and as you are probably alot slimmer than most, they're obviously not going to think you need to lose any more weight. It's entirely up to you whether you want to or not. The comments sound just like the flippant comment I've probably given people before who look perfectly fine, who have said they're losing weight, whether they genuinely need to or not, I think the polite response is "you're fine the way you are/you don't need to lose anything else/you're already tiny!" No malice meant by it. Would you rather they said "yeah, you probably do need to shed a few more pounds" that's just not what people say!