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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance worries

127 replies

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:18

I want to start by saying I realise this is more of a concern to my husband and siblings than it should be to me, they have voiced concerns privately but not to my father in law.

so….my father in law recently invited his girlfriend of 4 years to move in with him, to my husbands childhood home, his girlfriend is 25 years younger than him (he’s 68 and she’s 43, only a few years older than my husband and I) she has never been married or had children. My husbands siblings and him have started to express concerns amongst themselves about inheritance, they haven’t mentioned it in a while but it’s playing on my mind. The home they now share is one that my mother In law bought, decorated etc before she died, she raised her children there and I was very close to her once before she got ill. I do worry that all of that will go to my father In laws girlfriend one day and not my husband and his 2 siblings. We are Scottish and I know inheritance laws are slightly different than English ones. My father in laws friend supposedly told him once to never add his girlfriend to his will when he was drunk once, as it will take away money from their children. I think my husband and his siblings expressed this concern once or twice and then didn’t mention it again, it plays on my mind frequently though even though it’s not my battle to fight. AIBU for worrying and knowing it’ll be truly awkward if it ever gets brought up? One thing my husband did say is that he wants his dad to be happy but would express his concern if his dad ever wanted to re-marry. Has anyone been in this situation? Ps - we live very comfortably and have good jobs, we don’t need to rely on inheritance but my husbands mum worked hard on the home in question and he knows she wouldn’t want it to go to some younger woman instead of her children, that’s my husbands main concern, I just think I think about it a lot more than the family do and maybe I shouldn’t

OP posts:

Conkersinautumn · 26/08/2023 20:22

It's not 'your husbands inheritance". It's your FILs house and wealth and hes still alive. It's not really anyone's business how he structures his will. Its very entitled to be focusing on someone else's money.

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:27

I knew someone would say that and was prepared for that response. It’s not that anyone is being entitled, if he wanted to spend it all tomorrow travelling the world we’d be happy for him, it’s more about the “kids” childhood home their mum put money towards, worked on and raised children in going to someone else other than the people she’d have wanted it to go to, my husband and his siblings do very well for themselves and work hard and I promise they aren’t entitled people

OP posts:

Clefable · 26/08/2023 20:31

Were they joint tenants or tenants in common? Really the latter is a good idea when there's a chance your spouse might remarry, as it means she could have left her half of the house to her kids but with a life interest in it for her husband, so he could live there till he died (and do what he wanted with his own share).

In Scotland you can't disinherit children, so depending on the worth of the property and the estate etc. even if he did change his will, it's possible his children would still inherit something,

nobodysdaughternow · 26/08/2023 20:31

Once someone dies, their home, money and belongings pass on to someone else because they do not need them.

Your MIL's home is now solely your FIL's and it is totally up to him what he does with it.

SquirrelRed · 26/08/2023 20:32

Your father in law is entitled to do whatever he likes with the house. It may be where the "kids" grew up but it belongs to their father and if he wants to leave it to his girlfriend then he should.

Duvetdayforme · 26/08/2023 20:34

Well yes, but this happens day in day out across the country.

MIL could have set up some kind of trust or written something into her will perhaps if she wanted to ensure that her DC would inherit at least half the property or if her other estate. People are way too trusting that when they are dead, their partner won’t just remarry and leave everything to new spouse (who sometimes then leaves their estate entirely to their own DC)

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:34

Thanks for your feedback, I’m not entirely sure of the ins and outs, all I know is that the mortgage was paid off in life insurance when my MIL died, the house is worth about £250,000 currently judging by a neighbours house recently selling for that amount that we know of, it’s silly I think about it way more than the people in question, I just want it to be fair come the inevitable time. However for all I know they could of course split up one day and this may not be an issue

OP posts:

Dropthedonkey · 26/08/2023 20:34

I think you can be sure the late mother in this scenario would rather her share of the couple's worldly goods went to her dc, not a new girlfriend. It would be fair, if the relationship continues, for her to be a beneficiary of the will but not the sole one.

NotTooOldPaul · 26/08/2023 20:36

A few days ago my wife and I had a serious chat. We have had a few funerals of friends recently. I've told my wife that if I die first, I want her to be happy and meet someone new, she said the same to me.
It is not all about money it is about me wanting my wife, or widow, to be happy and her feeling the same about me.
We are both 76 and we both realise that it might not be easy to meet someone else our age.
@MrsB2603 be happy that your FIL has found someone who he cares about. He may change his will or he may not, surely his happiness matters most.

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:36

He would never want to, he has 3 kids and 3 grandkids and would never want them to miss out, but of course she could be left a portion of it all, I doubt he’d leave it all to her, I was more concerned about laws meaning she could fight for it all

OP posts:

Clefable · 26/08/2023 20:36

Not entirely relevant to this thread but worth pointing out to anyone who may be in a difficult relationship and worried they might end up having their children cut out of the will when they are gone: you can change from joint tenants to tenants in common without having to get the approval/agreement of the other person just by filling in some paperwork.

MintJulia · 26/08/2023 20:37

YABU. He was her husband. He inherited it. It's his house to do with as he pleases. And that includes getting married and sharing it with his wife.

And he's 68! He could live another 30 years. I hope he does. 🙂

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:38

Yes I feel if the girlfriend was left a small portion that’s fair, if they’re together for a long time we really are all ok with that, just not the whole house for example

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:39

NotTooOldPaul · 26/08/2023 20:36

Thank you for this lovely message, we are genuinely happy he’s happy and I think that’s nice you and your spouse had the same chat

OP posts:

nonevernotever · 26/08/2023 20:39

I don't think joint tenants/tenants in common is a thing in Scotland. Here it's if there is a survivorship destination?

Clefable · 26/08/2023 20:39

And it's something we will probably do when we are older. Happy for my husband to meet someone else if I die, I really hope he would, and stay in our home for his life or use the money to put towards a new home, but my share will be going to our two girls eventually, not to another woman and subsequently her family.

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:40

MintJulia · 26/08/2023 20:37

YABU. He was her husband. He inherited it. It's his house to do with as he pleases. And that includes getting married and sharing it with his wife.

And he's 68! He could live another 30 years. I hope he does. 🙂

So do I! I get on very well with my father In law

OP posts:

chipsandpeas · 26/08/2023 20:40

in scotland its only the moveable estate that children cant be disinherited from so things like bank accounts
if your FIL wanted to leave his GF the house he can

MintJulia · 26/08/2023 20:40

Has it occurred to you that at 43, she and your FIL could still have a child.

yogasaurus · 26/08/2023 20:40

The home they now share is one that my mother In law bought, decorated etc before she died,

She bought the house herself? That would have been very rare in those days

Agree with PP; it’s his house, not your DH’s inheritance.

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:41

MintJulia · 26/08/2023 20:40

Has it occurred to you that at 43, she and your FIL could still have a child.

She’s never wanted children (she told us once)

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsB2603 · 26/08/2023 20:42

yogasaurus · 26/08/2023 20:40

The home they now share is one that my mother In law bought, decorated etc before she died,

She bought the house herself? That would have been very rare in those days

Agree with PP; it’s his house, not your DH’s inheritance.

She didn’t, it was jointly bought, I just meant she worked hard all her days for the house

OP posts:

Clefable · 26/08/2023 20:42

nonevernotever · 26/08/2023 20:39

I don't think joint tenants/tenants in common is a thing in Scotland. Here it's if there is a survivorship destination?

Yes you're right, the terminology differs but the idea is the same. Survivorship destination v pro indiviso.

RhubarbandCustardYummyYummy · 26/08/2023 20:42

he could live decades more. I really wouldn’t be giving any headspace to this - quite frankly bizarre.

guiltyfeethavegotnorythym · 26/08/2023 20:44

As far as I know children in Scotland are entitled by law to at least a third of movable estate ( money , jewels etc) . No entitlement to property

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