To have told my friend exactly what I think of her?

[foreverreverof]

Now ex-friend. In February I hurt my wrist and had to cancel meeting up with her because I couldn’t drive. Turns out that I broke it. She never once since that day reached out to me to ask how I am, spoke to me at all or asked to meet up.

Shes (from her Instagram) out with friends most weekends and yesterday after I saw she was going on a spa weekend I just snapped and told her what I thought and that I didn’t want to be friends anymore, she’s never checked in on me and that she’s selfish. She messaged me back saying it was odd I was still worked up over something that happened ages ago, that it’s attention seeking and she “won’t react to it” and then blocked me.

There are different levels of friendship. I suspect yours wasn't as significant to her as you believed it was.

I agree with @JudgeRudy. Forget about her, OP, and try not to stew in future, it’s not healthy. People don’t always react in the way you hope/expect them to- accept it and move on.

@foreverreverof I am so sorry for all the unsympathetic and shit responses you have had on here OP.

Have you any other friends or family near you OP, because you sound very lonely to me? You have been following her on social media as she gets on with her life, and her being very busy with other friends, whilst apparently not giving you a second thought. I think that that probably hurts mentally even more than your poor broken wrist did physically, and having had a broken bone myself many years ago I know that the pain is excruciating.

I hope your wrist mended well and that it wasn't your dominant hand - although it often is, because if we put our hand out to try and stop ourselves from landing flat on our face, we usually aitomatically use the hand that we use the most!
I hope you had a partner or mum who could help you while your wrist healed?

Do you work outside of your home OP, if you do, are the people at your workplace nice, and were they kind about your broken wrist? We all need some sympathy when we are in pain, so if the friend you had to cancel on was your only friend then it is very natural that you felt let down by her and her apparent lack of care.

Maybe unfortunately, but apart from family (I am including romantic partners as family here), and sometimes not even then, no adult owes any other adult anything at all if they don't want to. But if one adult cannot put themselves out for another adult - especially one they are supposed to be good friends with - then that is (imo) very sad.

How long had you known your ex friend for OP? She sounds like she has lots of friends/colleagues/acquaintances, so she probably (maybe even subconsciously) does not need - for want of a much better word - you in her life, for her to feel happy and fulfilled (I am so sorry to sound so harsh, but I am trying, very badly, to explain why your ex friend probably wasn't behaving any worse than many other people would have in similar circumstances).

She may have such a wide social group of "friends" who she spends time with, that she doesn't actually feel very close to anyone in particular, which would go some way at least in explaining to me, her behaviour towards you. I do find it sad though that she did not seem to view your friendship with her in anyway near the same way that you did.

I don't know if my thoughts here can help you feel even a little bit better @ forever, but they are my true thoughts. I think that you must be a lovely, loyal and thoughtful friend to have, and I think that your ex friend may (maybe soon, maybe in many years to come) one day come to regret not cherishing the friendship she had with you.

I hope that what I am about to say doesn't sound condescending, or like I am preaching to you, as I can't claim that my own contemplations are right for everyone (or even for me!), it is just what my quiet and pondering times have helped me to consider, and it feels right to me.

As we get older our priorities can change, some in very small ways, and some in enormous ways, and that can be the catalyst for us to reflect on all sorts of things, including our present and past relationships. This may be one of your catalystic (I don't think that is a real word, but I don't care - why am I suddenly thinking of going bear hunting?) moments. A time perhaps to ask yourself whether it is important to you, or how important it is to you, that all of your relationships - whether they be close friendships, or romantic partners, or with a parent - are with people who share all the same ideals that you do? In my own experience it can be a very difficult road to try and find another me, and thank goodness I have realised that I would hate to do so, they would be far to exhausting and boring!

If you have got this far then you have my gratitude for doing so! I just hope that at least something I have said has helped, even if only a tiny way. 💐

@saraclara so your friend texts to say they’ve hurt them selves and can’t make it it’s cool to just not reply? Hardly difficult to send a basic no worries hope you get better soon text back is it. Op is not wrong to feel hurt by that.

It was a sore wrist.

@saraclara. If someone tells you they’ve hurt themselves enough to cancel a meet up, it’s good manners to acknowledge it with as a minimum ‘ hope you’re feeling better soon’ and to also confirm you are aware the meeting is cancelled.
Ignoring is just plain rude and arrogant.

Is the OP saying she if ignored the message, then yes that’s very rude

its also basic manners to ask how someone is after an injury

although I think you’re feelings got the better of you OP

YANBU. What sort of friend doesn't show any concern or sympathy for a painful injury requiring hospital treatment? I would have told her to fuck off a lot sooner!

My 2 best friends of 27 years forgot my birthday this year for a few days,I was a bit miffed but let it pass as all busy with busy lives,it's not all about one individual.

I too would have been upset.

You sound like a psychopath

@Catpuss66 out of interest, what part of that post identifies tendencies of a psychopath?

Yes, me too. And I’m glad the OP said something. It’s much healthier to be vocal about your needs and feelings (generally) rather than ghost and gradually fade out the friendship (usually the advice on here on these kind of threads). It doesn’t matter that they may not face been close friends, any kind of decent friend would occasionally check in with you after what happened.

You must be a lovely friend.

Some friendships just don’t work because people have different expectations.

no one is right or wrong here - OP want her friend to care more. Her friend doesn’t.

The part where she is revelling in someone’s hurt feelings, then adding to it. No empathetic qualities at all, but to be honest seems catching on this thread.

Yes people forget, but in your example it was a few days followed by what I would hope was an apology for the oversight.
The ops so called friend has never bothered to acknowledge her or express any concern for her well-being. Occasionally forgetting is ok as long as it’s acknowledged, brushing it off and saying it doesn’t matter is not the behaviour of a decent friend.

Phones work in both directions.

Maybe (not unreasonably), after you cancelled last time, she decided to leave the ball in your court, and figured you'd get in touch to re-arrange once you were better?

But instead of reaching out to re-arrange, you got angry at her social media and lashed out at her.

Unless there's a lot of backstory here that you've not revealed, you have been unreasonable.

I’m presuming your mum is elderly as if not that sounds ridiculously OTT for a painful but rather minor injury.

I broke my foot a few years ago and if I’d received one bunch of flowers let alone 11 I would have cringed. The odd lift from a friend was sufficient imo.

Friend broke her wrist last year and was still at a festival the next weekend in plaster - it’s an inconvenience nothing more for most people.