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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told my friend exactly what I think of her?

143 replies

foreverreverof · 26/08/2023 18:12

Now ex-friend. In February I hurt my wrist and had to cancel meeting up with her because I couldn’t drive. Turns out that I broke it. She never once since that day reached out to me to ask how I am, spoke to me at all or asked to meet up.

Shes (from her Instagram) out with friends most weekends and yesterday after I saw she was going on a spa weekend I just snapped and told her what I thought and that I didn’t want to be friends anymore, she’s never checked in on me and that she’s selfish. She messaged me back saying it was odd I was still worked up over something that happened ages ago, that it’s attention seeking and she “won’t react to it” and then blocked me.

OP posts:
onwardsup4 · 26/08/2023 21:30

Everyone falling over themselves to tell OP she's a dick. Yea seems a little emotional about it but you break your wrist text a friend to cancel , and no reply ? Obviously rude and not much of a friend anyway.

PurpleSky300 · 26/08/2023 21:31

Is it does sound like she’s not that invested / maybe things are a bit one-sided but I think you’ve reacted very intensely and disproportionately. Is a broken wrist so terrible that you'd be expecting people to check on you regularly?

Hiddenvoice · 26/08/2023 21:34

Sorry op but you cancelled and didn’t try to rearrange. She should have reached out to check on you so it’s rubbish she didn’t but months have gone by. If this really bothered you then you should have said a while ago. She’s entitled to go out with other friends. It feels like there’s far more to this.

Ive broken my wrist quite a few times, it’s painful and you’re really restricted but it’s not the worst thing to have happened.

SidekickSylvia · 26/08/2023 21:38

My mum broke her wrist 6 months ago and I flew out to see her 3 days later for a week. By the time I left (day 10 of broken wrist) my mum had received 11 bouquets and endless offers of help from friends, neighbours and of course family. Various friends were popping in with meals to reheat or freeze. The phone rang constantly. Breaking your wrist is a big deal, I can't imagine not replying to a friend who told me they'd broken their wrist.

She's no loss op, and not much of a friend.

Fabellini · 26/08/2023 21:42

It seems like quite the over reaction to be honest…and since a good bit of time has passed I can see why your friend was absolutely baffled by your message.
I think I would probably have blocked you too.

Livelovebehappy · 26/08/2023 21:48

Hiddenvoice · 26/08/2023 21:34

Sorry op but you cancelled and didn’t try to rearrange. She should have reached out to check on you so it’s rubbish she didn’t but months have gone by. If this really bothered you then you should have said a while ago. She’s entitled to go out with other friends. It feels like there’s far more to this.

Ive broken my wrist quite a few times, it’s painful and you’re really restricted but it’s not the worst thing to have happened.

But would you have been disappointed if your close friend didn’t at least reference it or just ask if you were okay/needed help? Breaking a wrist can be quite restrictive I would think, and I would at least reach out to a close friend in this situation, just to check if they needed any help.

Hiddenvoice · 26/08/2023 21:58

Livelovebehappy · 26/08/2023 21:48

But would you have been disappointed if your close friend didn’t at least reference it or just ask if you were okay/needed help? Breaking a wrist can be quite restrictive I would think, and I would at least reach out to a close friend in this situation, just to check if they needed any help.

Show quote history

I said it was painful and restrictive. I also said it was rubbish that her friend didn’t check in but why wait so long to pull her up on it? It’s clearly upset op which is fair enough but I’d have encouraged her to tell the friend sooner. Her friend had no idea what the big deal was and now doesn’t want to interact with her. Yes all terrible of the friend but If it was me I’d have text her an update when it happened- I’d have apologised for cancelling and would say that the wrist is broken. If the friend still ignores then I’d ask what’s up and chat about it then.
Now it feels like there’s more to this friendship than the original post.

5128gap · 26/08/2023 21:58

Personally if I didn't ever want to see someone again and I hadn't heard from them since February I'd be keeping quiet with my fingers crossed I didn't hear from them again. Only if they contacted me would I feel the need to tell them I considered the friendship over. Going out of your way to contact someone who's already left your life to tell them you don't want them in it, seems unnecessarily dramatic, and yes, attention seeking.

allthegoodgirlsgotohell · 26/08/2023 21:59

Livelovebehappy · 26/08/2023 21:48

But would you have been disappointed if your close friend didn’t at least reference it or just ask if you were okay/needed help? Breaking a wrist can be quite restrictive I would think, and I would at least reach out to a close friend in this situation, just to check if they needed any help.

Show quote history

Who said close friend?

JudgeRudy · 26/08/2023 22:00

There are different levels of friendship. I suspect yours wasn't as significant to her as you believed it was. You cancelled a 'date' because you'd hurt your wrist. OK an aknowledgement would have been nice but maybe this is something that's happened before and she just thought meh, OK and was busy rearranging plans.
You haven't been in touch since and now you've sent her a rant about something that happened 6 months ago. I bet she didn't even know you'd been silently seething or that anything was wrong. Tbh if you were close friends I'd have expected some sort of contact in 6 months. You are way over invested. Whilst you were being passive aggressive and punishing her she didn't even notice!
I'm not one for blocking but I'd definitely not be bothering with you after your rant. Having said that, I'd probably have a drink with you at Sarah's wedding and even share a taxi if we were going the same way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/08/2023 22:04

Riapia · 26/08/2023 19:18

I broke my wrist OP. People on MN have no idea how much it restricts you.
A true friend would have been there to help you wipe your bum.
Fortunately I had friends that rushed to assist me.
😉😁😁

Breaking a wrist and not being able to wipe your bum properly for a few weeks really is no big deal. It’s an annoyance rather than anything else.

allthegoodgirlsgotohell · 26/08/2023 22:16

JudgeRudy · 26/08/2023 22:00

There are different levels of friendship. I suspect yours wasn't as significant to her as you believed it was. You cancelled a 'date' because you'd hurt your wrist. OK an aknowledgement would have been nice but maybe this is something that's happened before and she just thought meh, OK and was busy rearranging plans.
You haven't been in touch since and now you've sent her a rant about something that happened 6 months ago. I bet she didn't even know you'd been silently seething or that anything was wrong. Tbh if you were close friends I'd have expected some sort of contact in 6 months. You are way over invested. Whilst you were being passive aggressive and punishing her she didn't even notice!
I'm not one for blocking but I'd definitely not be bothering with you after your rant. Having said that, I'd probably have a drink with you at Sarah's wedding and even share a taxi if we were going the same way.

Agree

Superlegs · 26/08/2023 22:19

She’s doesn’t sound that invested in the friendship if she couldn’t even be bothered to check in with you after you’d hurt your wrist. Try to look for other friends, she’s no loss.

Tonightsthenight91 · 26/08/2023 22:25

You know what OP I might be writing in my own emotion as I’m currently sat with my DP crying about how utterly shit my friends have all been to me this year which has been the worst year of my life. But I hear you. Friends that aren’t there when you need them arent friends. I am at my friends beck and call whenever - doubly so if they’re having a shit time. It hurts like fuck when you feel like they couldn’t give a shit about you

CandidClarisse · 26/08/2023 22:33

My experience of most friends is they are too wrapped up in their own lives to check in on others with what seems like minor injuries. You didn't actually tell her your wrist was broken, maybe she felt you didn't really want to see her! You could have gotten a taxi or a lift or invited her round as a change of plan. And seeing as it was you who cancelled she might have felt it was down to you to reorganise something.

43ontherocksporfavor · 26/08/2023 22:35

She was rude to ignore the fact you messaged her to say you hurt your wrist though it sounds as though she was unaware how serious it was as you say it turned out to be broken . Why did you not contact her once you knew and rearrange a time or place you could make, after all you cancelled on her.
Perhaps she thought you weren’t interested in her and you’ve both cut each other off.
Your sudden reaction so long after has made you look a bit unhinged I’m afraid. Would’ve been better to arrange to meet and talk about your feelings.

SlashBeef · 26/08/2023 22:37

On the face of it she seems very cold and unkind to not even check in with you when you were hurt.
Had you previously cancelled meet ups before and she was just exasperated? If not then she was unreasonable not to acknowledge you at all.
I don't know if it was necessary to tell her what you think of her though.. It would have been better to accept she'd let you down and move on without her.

saraclara · 26/08/2023 22:43

onwardsup4 · 26/08/2023 21:30

Everyone falling over themselves to tell OP she's a dick. Yea seems a little emotional about it but you break your wrist text a friend to cancel , and no reply ? Obviously rude and not much of a friend anyway.

The friend didn't know it was broken. OP's last communication with her was to show her a bruised wrist. I honestly wouldn't think to come back to check on the welfare of someone (outside of close family) who just showed me a bruised wrist.

saraclara · 26/08/2023 22:47

Livelovebehappy · 26/08/2023 21:48

But would you have been disappointed if your close friend didn’t at least reference it or just ask if you were okay/needed help? Breaking a wrist can be quite restrictive I would think, and I would at least reach out to a close friend in this situation, just to check if they needed any help.

Show quote history

Again, the friend didn't know (and still doesn't) that OP had broken her wrist.

To be honest I don't know why OP didn't follow up her cancellation message and bruised wrist photo with another message "SHIIIIT! It turned out to be broken!"
Wouldn't most of us? It's almost as if she was testing her friend by waiting to see if she'd ask after her first.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/08/2023 22:53

You should have rearranged
You must still be" following" or whatever it's called, so could've rearranged in 6 months
Why can't she go to a spa?
I'm not surprised she blocked you

LoopyPoopyPoo · 26/08/2023 23:06

If my friend cancelled after an injury, of course I'd respond with some sort of sympathy and well wishes on a fast recovery. I'd also offer any help if it was needed in the first couple of weeks when the injury is at its most painful, like offering to pick up shopping. And then say we can rearrange our meetup for a later date when shes feeling better, and then leave that ball in her court. It's shit of a friend to not respond at all and make no effort to see how you're doing in the coming days/weeks afterwards. It does come across uncaring and I understand that would sting.

But, your tantrumy reaction to your friend going to a spa 6 months later is quite OTT. I mean, I have casual friends I don't see for months on end, so if one of them reacted like this if I went to a spa 6 months after we last spoke, I'd be very 'wtf?!' about it.

Do you find you often bottle things up, stew on them for long periods of time, and then suddenly blow up and snap out of nowhere? It might be worth seeing a GP as it could be a symptom of something on a neaurodiverse level.

I say that because my ASD son is similar (although he's only 12). Something fairly trivial might happen, and it'll trigger a slightly uncomfortable emotion for him. But he says nothing and stews on it and starts to lose perspective. Then another trivial thing will happen and all of a sudden he explodes and he'll have a dramatic meltdown. It takes quite a while for us to get to the bottom of the actual cause of this explosive reaction because all his sense of reason goes out the window. He has problems maintaining friendships as a result

SamW98 · 26/08/2023 23:13

Yes she probably should have checked and asked how your wrist was but I’m failing to see how her being at a spa 6 months is in any way related.

The fact it’s triggered you so much does seem a massive overreaction

Threenow · 26/08/2023 23:58

SidekickSylvia · 26/08/2023 21:38

My mum broke her wrist 6 months ago and I flew out to see her 3 days later for a week. By the time I left (day 10 of broken wrist) my mum had received 11 bouquets and endless offers of help from friends, neighbours and of course family. Various friends were popping in with meals to reheat or freeze. The phone rang constantly. Breaking your wrist is a big deal, I can't imagine not replying to a friend who told me they'd broken their wrist.

She's no loss op, and not much of a friend.

My best friend broke his wrist a few years ago. He just carried on as normal, went to work, fed himself - no big deal really. 11 bouquets for a broken wrist is sweet, but a bit over the top Confused

saraclara · 27/08/2023 00:12

SidekickSylvia · 26/08/2023 21:38

My mum broke her wrist 6 months ago and I flew out to see her 3 days later for a week. By the time I left (day 10 of broken wrist) my mum had received 11 bouquets and endless offers of help from friends, neighbours and of course family. Various friends were popping in with meals to reheat or freeze. The phone rang constantly. Breaking your wrist is a big deal, I can't imagine not replying to a friend who told me they'd broken their wrist.

She's no loss op, and not much of a friend.

a) yet again. The friend didn't know it was broken. When OP last communicated with her, OP just thought it was bruised and swollen
b) I've broken my wrist. It wasn't fun, but I got on with life and I didn't get a single card or bunch of flowers, because why would I? People break bones all the time, and unless it's a complex fracture or something like a hip, it's not a big deal at all. Just an inconvenience.

AvocadotoastORahouse · 27/08/2023 00:28

Bethanbee · 26/08/2023 19:02

You didn't want to be friends with her anymore so you contacted her after no contact for 6 months to tell her you'll not be contacting her?

Grin sums it up

I think since you cancelled, it was kind of up to you to rearrange/let friend know your situation. You didn't.