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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My parents sold my childhood home and lied to me about it. AIBU to be heartbroken?

161 replies

WASPIT · 26/08/2023 16:41

Just venting.

They told me they had rented it out, just to tell me eight months later that they had actually sold it.

AIBU to feel heartbroken?

I wish they had told me the truth initially

OP posts:
Furryrug · 26/08/2023 20:31

KnittedCardi · 26/08/2023 17:42

Really? Most people I know, my family and DH's family moved so many times as kids that a house is just somewhere to live. I just can't empathize with anyone needing to "say goodbye" to a brick box. Sympathize maybe, but weird to me.

Show quote history

My parents have lived in their house for 66 years. We had parties there , my sister and I had wedding photos taken in the garden, we had so many Christmas days there, spent summers having water fights with our mates in the garden , my dad passed away there. To some, a house is so much more than just bricks and mortar.

LindorDoubleChoc · 26/08/2023 20:51

Heart broken is ridiculous! It was their house, not yours.

Livelovebehappy · 26/08/2023 20:55

I would have been pretty concerned that they lied to you. Why would they do that? Bit shit of them…..

ShippingForecastMeditator · 26/08/2023 20:59

To some, a house is so much more than just bricks and mortar.

To a lot of people. They're the place memories are created, but they're memories you can recall at will (for a long time, if you're lucky) even when the bricks and mortar have gone or have been replaced. The only good thing about this thread is that it might help those who are lucky enough to own properties have a better understanding of why renters feel less secure about their situation.

The fact there is a 'childhood home' to be sold should possibly be more appreciated than it appears to be right now. Don't overlook that OP.

Seagullchippy · 26/08/2023 21:00

It's actually perfectly natural to be very upset indeed at losing a childhood home. It can be deeply distressing.

Mikimoto · 26/08/2023 21:11

Are they in MI6?

Ghosttofu99 · 26/08/2023 21:13

Duvetdayforme · 26/08/2023 17:13

Do you have form for being very emotional, over reacting?

You do seem unusually sensitive so I can maybe understand why they didn’t want to deal with your response.

I get irritated when some is accused of being over sensitive/anxious etc ect just because they react differently or feel differently to someone else on MN It’s basically a copy and paste response to undermine someone.

MaryLivingOnDreamsAndCustardCreams · 26/08/2023 21:15

Agreed @Ghosttofu99 and always aimed at women. I'm surprised no one's asked the OP yet if she's on her period.

knobkopf · 26/08/2023 21:17

Why are people having a go because she said "my childhood home". It was "her" childhood home. What other pronoun is she supposed to use to go with childhood home.
It was her parents' home until they sold it. It was the family's home when everyone was living there. It was OP's childhood home when she was a child.

It's bizarre that they lied about it. Maybe they did think you might overreact but they should have been clear about it. I do think that if you've lived in a home for most of your childhood and returned there regularly as an adult to see parents that you do become attached and it isn't just bricks and mortar and you might want to say your own goodbyes to it, even if a whole pile of posters on here seem to think it's weird.

If you've moved a lot maybe you don't feel the same. I found it very hard to say goodbye to my childhood home when we sold it, even though I'd long since moved out. The memories are still there of course, but it was hard. I'm glad my Dad didn't just sell it and tell me about it afterwards.... or lie about it even like these parents have done.

MrJi · 26/08/2023 21:18

I think it is very strange that they lied, unless they were also upset and this was their way of not having to talk about it ?
I find the “their house, their decision” comments a bit harsh. My dds have grown up in this house, I think of it as belonging to all of us as a family. When/if we sell it, it will be in consultation with them and they will also have a say. They live at home so of course that is a factor but even in a decade, when they move out it will still be as much their home as mine.

KnittedCardi · 26/08/2023 21:20

Furryrug · 26/08/2023 20:31

My parents have lived in their house for 66 years. We had parties there , my sister and I had wedding photos taken in the garden, we had so many Christmas days there, spent summers having water fights with our mates in the garden , my dad passed away there. To some, a house is so much more than just bricks and mortar.

Show quote history

66 years! That's amazing.

Redavocadoes · 26/08/2023 21:47

It would have been really nice to know so you could have gone and looked round one last time and said good bye. I get that. It's your childhood memories. I get very attached to my homes and vehicles, so I understand this is upsetting.

MargaretThursday · 26/08/2023 22:04

My parents have been in the same house since the late 70s. It was the place where we grew up. I can only just remember the previous house, and my brother wasn't even born when we moved.

I will be upset when it's sold. It's got the wooden panelling my df put in; his fitted wardrobe that he took 2 years building, the garden he's toiled for years over; his workshop in the garage. There's the patch of concrete in the garden where he laid it, he did a heart and wrote "I love dm"... and then got called for a phone call and forgot until it was set; the slightly different coloured wall where the chimney leaked in 1985 and they had to repaint that part. There's the carpet they chose in 1980, and the side lights that dm was so proud of when they first moved in. The curtains that dm made to match the cushions and the rocking chairs that always creaked. And the place where the wasps got in and made a nest (still under the roof) and the sealed area where the bats were in one year. Oh yes, and the drain which df nearly fell down when the flood water was getting very close to getting in the house, and he was trying to clear it.

When it's sold, I probably will never even see the outside again-I live over 200 miles away and it's not the sort of place you go through.

It's not so much the bricks and mortar, as the memories. When my parents choose to sell it, I would want to go back for one last time, perhaps take some photos and think about the happy times we had. That's what OP feels she missed out on. I understand.

Topseyt123 · 26/08/2023 22:04

The lying about it would have upset me too. I think I would feel that I had been intentionally mislead and it would feel a bit humiliating.

Trenchfootinthescottishhighlandstoday · 26/08/2023 22:08

Have you got fond childhood memories of there op? Ime it is a fantastic 'boast' of a better word to have had a stable and loving environment all through your early years. Hopefully more dc will there too. Yanbu to be miffed they lied..

Furryrug · 26/08/2023 22:12

@KnittedCardi , it's a weird feeling, I know that it is 'just' a building but it's only in the last few weeks since my dad passed away, that I've realised how many memories that building holds for me. I walked with my dad out of the house when the undertaker took him away, knowing it was the very last time he'd ever go through the front door 😥

maddening · 26/08/2023 22:13

itsgettingweird · 26/08/2023 17:28

"My" childhood home.

It's their home. One they bought and earned the money to pay for.

One they've decided to sell because it benefits them.

I've no idea why they lied but your reaction to finding out it's been sold could be a clue?

Of course it can be both things - it isn't some gotcha - my parent's home is also my childhood home.

Just the same as threads where there is a difference in parenting and the op refers to "my dc" and posters think this is some kind of gotcha as the op didn't say "our dc" - it really isn't- different relationships to things or people can all co-exist quite happily.

Greenwitchhorse · 26/08/2023 22:26

Some of the responses on this thread are truly crass and uncalled for...

Of course the OP is going to be upset that:

  • her parents lied to her
  • her childhood home is gone and she did not have the opportunity to see it one last time and maybe take some mementos/photographs of it.

When my father died my mother just got rid of his stuff, personal things like his paintings (that was his hobby), his books, things from his childhood. She did not even think of asking me if I wanted to keep something. She then decided to sell the family home and I was not even able to see it before it changed hands.

I never forgave her for this and it was pretty much the last straw for me as we already had a poor relationship. I cut all contact with her soon after.

It felt like she had just erased that early part of my life and did not seem to think my feelings were worth even taking into consideration.

OP, of course you have some strong feelings about the home you grew up in and although your parents are perfectly entitled to sell it the way they went about it is odd and poorly thought.

Rummikub · 26/08/2023 22:27

@Greenwitchhorse 💐

Greenwitchhorse · 26/08/2023 22:29

''@LindorDoubleChoc
Heart broken is ridiculous! It was their house, not yours.''

Daft, patronising and cruel.

It is her childhood home.

She wasn't just a guest in some random person's house, it was the family home and the place where she grew up.

I truly hope you don't have children...

cooldarkroom · 26/08/2023 22:29

I remember leaving my parent's home after my Mum died, it had been my family base for 60 odd years.Walking out & knowing I would never be there again was deeply painful. The last link to the family unit. It was part of me.
In your shoes I would be hurt

JudgeRudy · 26/08/2023 22:31

Are you in the same country? Do you see each other regularly? Maybe they didn't lie as such. Maybe they did intend to rent it out (did they at all) but then changed their mind and decided to sell. If you were about a lot I'm sure they'd have told you of the plans as they unfurled, just like maybe showing you some wallpaper samples if they planned to decorate. If they only see you a few times a year they've not filled you 8n with the finer details, just presented it as a fait complete.

Of course, it could be that they actually have deliberately withheld info till it was done. Are you prone to dramatics? Did you tend to 'take over' and at the suggestion of an idea start project managing? I can't think of any other reasons, so if it's neither of those I'd guess it's that they just didn't get round to it.

Rummikub · 26/08/2023 22:37

When my PIL died and the house was being emptied to sell I went to have a final visit with my dc. We said bye, took photos and reminisced. It had been a big part of our lives.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/08/2023 22:41

Overthebow · 26/08/2023 16:45

You’re heartbroken? Maybe that’s why they didn’t tell you.

This.

pompomdaisy · 26/08/2023 22:47

What were you intending? They sell it to you? I'm confused. Generally unless folks are Jef Bezos folks need the money to purchase a new home. I presume they needed the money. They probably lied because they knew you would react and stuff up the sale.