My parents sold my childhood home and lied to me about it. AIBU to be heartbroken?

[WASPIT]

Just venting.

They told me they had rented it out, just to tell me eight months later that they had actually sold it.

AIBU to feel heartbroken?

I wish they had told me the truth initially

Oh no! I would have wanted to say goodbye, personally.

But of course, it is their home to sell at the end of the day.

I do wonder why they would lie about that though...

They are liars and gaslighters. The excuse about the low sale price sounds ridiculous. Look it up on Zoopla!

It's completely understandable for you to feel upset.

I’ve read threads on MN on how nasty Tattle is and then I read threads like this and wonder how anyone has the audacity to think MN people are superior.

My parents are selling their home soon, I only lived in this particular one for a couple of years but my much younger siblings grew up in it. Over the years it’s been the go to place for gatherings for extended family/friends, some of whom are sadly no longer with us. Then my kids have made memories there. I’ll be upset when they sell because it will be the end of an era. I don’t think it’s unusual or wrong to have feelings about this sort of thing.

OP hasn’t demanded anything from her parents in regard to it all and even helped them with arranging things. It’s absolutely not wrong for her to feel the way she does.

A tangent, but back in the 70s my Dad’s friend was in the army abroad. He had a week between shifts and was offered a place on a flight back to see his family. Took it, got back to his parents late. Let himself in to find two very frightened people (not his parents) on the couch who couldn't understand why a man in fatigues was in their living room.

Cup of tea later and it transpires his parents sold up and moved and hadn’t told him. It’s not just you, OP!

Usual bitchiness on MN from the regulars.
it's okay to feel let down by your dps a secret that everyone else knows but you excluded from. A bit shitty really.

Yes it’s your childhood home but if you only go home once a year it sounds like there’s not that much of a close relationship there. I can understand there are ties there but there must be a reason or backstory as to why they lied to you. Maybe they knew you’d be upset and try to influence them selling.

My childhood home is currently lived in by DM and stepdad who’s 10!years younger than DM. The house has increased hugely in value since it was originally bought and now worth over a million. We would love to keep it in the family and in theory when DM dies we would like to keep it but god knows how! DM wants house sold and price split 3 ways when she dies. But I’m thinking unfair to sell and deny stepdad his home.

Well I am sorry they didn’t tell you, I assume they had their reasons, and I can understand you feeling upset, but honestly, it’s bricks and mortar, the memories are in your head. It doesn’t warrant all the angst.

@WASPIT

i understand how you feel. Your parents shouldnt have kept it from you and you didn’t get chance to know it was your last visit.

I agree with this. I am over 40 and actually would prefer if the old place was sold, but I'd still say a (probably tearful) goodbye to the rooms that used to be my happiest, safest place.

They have sold the house, but not the memories. Such a shame that they felt the need to lie to you. Perhaps they had a need to sell.

@Honeychickpea

Are you always this rude & disrespectful or are you only this rude & disrespectful behind your keyboard?

Oh having a bit of a flashback here....

When I was 10 I was away for the summer (at a camp and then visiting grandparents) and in the middle of me being away I got a letter from my mom saying "guess what!? we've sold the house and will be moved before you get back!!!"

All of which meant I never again saw my bedroom I'd grown up in, the back garden I'd played in, never said good bye to all my friends. My parents just assumed this was ok!!

Parents can be such ar$es.

Are you both so spiteful in RL?

Reading between the lines doesn’t make you a weirdo !! Why would they lie about it if there was no reason not to tell the truth ? Suggests that they knew there would be drama if they did, so lied to spare the OP. They had to come clean at some point and the OP is heartbroken - either at the knowledge that the home has been sold, or the revelation that they lied. Hard to say which.

My mother had my childhood home demolished after my father died. She sold the land to developers who built nasty executive homes. She didn’t want anyone else to live there.

Interesting that's where your mind goes.

Just a heads up - most people don't like being lied to.

Lazy response

I would be more upset about the lie.

I am not surprised you are heartbroken, its not easy to have your childhood home sold, its a part of you gone forever. It being done without you knowing is really bad but being lied about it by your parents ... I have no words for that.

Selling the home you brought your family up in is incredibly difficult emotionally OP (mainly for the people who own it, possibly remember their time in it before you came along, and have had to make the decision about 'what happens next'). I mean this kindly but maybe they didn't have the energy to deal with your reaction on top of everything else? I'm not saying it was right but we all have to do things as we see fit at the time. I've been you, in a different era (the late 80s) and although I was sad about it and confused for a little while, I also understood it wasn't my choice to make. It meant I had nowhere familiar to go back to in the holidays while I was at university but was I 'heartbroken'? No. I just adapted and got on with it. I'm stronger for it.

My DD (22) will react as you have when we relocate next year even though she'd have finished her 4th year of university, I've given her prior 'warning' and I'll be doing it for her benefit as much as ours. One day you'll have your own space you love just as much and your memories of your childhood home will be the building blocks you'll use to create it. I hope you're able to talk to your parents calmly about your feelings so you can find out why they chose to not involve you? Experience has taught me it's best to not let these things fester. I expect they lied to protect you, not to hurt you and we don't always get it right x

Well, it's a bit strange that they lied to you, but given how "heartbroken" you are maybe they had good reason. Why does it actually matter? Whether you mean you are heartbroken because they sold the house, or because they lied, it's rather childish. It's done, just move on.

Oh my goodness @SmudgeButt that's awful, how on earth did they not think it through, that's the kind of thing I'd be agonising over as a parent.

I absolutely understand your devastation. A lot of folk get attached to a house because It's where their memories are. Sad that some folk don't get this.

A lot of folk get attached to a house because It's where their memories are

I remember the first time my DD said something along these lines. Pre mobile phone/internet your 'memories' used to be in your head (meaning they weren't linked to anything material) but that's now changed. My DD is terrified (!) of losing her phone because she says that's where her memories are stored. This way of thinking really can't be healthy, can it?