“You are so lucky”

[SamAndEIIa]

Does anyone else hate this phrase when actually, luck has nothing to do with the situation?

We have recently bought our forever home. I’m not being modest when I say it’s nothing spectacular - it’s a standard sized three bed semi. It was recently done up before we bought it - not to a high spec or anything (eg you can tell the kitchen is not of high quality, cheap appliances, etc) - but basically nothing needs immediate attention but we will need to upgrade some things within the next 5 or so years.

Our previous home was smaller and needed quite a bit of work; we stuck it out for a long time, allowing us to save enough to afford this house.

We have had zero financial help from anyone to get this house; and we have made a lot of sacrifices for many years to be able to afford it. We both work full time, we have worked hard to get “decent” jobs (we are not wealthy by a long shot) and we have a fairly large mortgage which we will be paying until retirement (unless our financial position changes of course)

AIBU to hate it when other family and friends constantly tell us how “lucky” we are - especially friends who earn the same as us and have chose to prioritise travel/social life for the past 10+ years whilst we have stayed in almost every weekend and maybe spent a few nights away in the UK every second year, whilst our friends have been to Bali/the Maldives/cruises etc?

Now I understand that some of this is luck, for example we have been healthy enough to work, we have had healthy children who don’t need extensive care etc, but the friends who are making these comments have been similarly fortunate, and actually have had family helping them financially with deposits/with free childcare, so actually are probably more “lucky” than us.

AIBU to hate people assigning “luck” to situations which are nothing to do with luck, and actually a lot to do with hard work and sacrifice?

Body size, like wealth, is partly about luck. Of course, some people are slim because they have been very unlucky. But still, it’s not entirely about work/effort

Yes to an extent. But I think people do prefer looking for an excuse rather than admitting lack of effort.

You're making yourself out to be a martyr.

There is a certain amount of luck involved though isn't there. You're lucky you didn't lose your job, become I'll, go through a breakup bla bla.

Haven't read the whole thread but wanted to say that I often say I am lucky when what I'm really saying is I'm grateful. I think if somebody is saying that you are lucky they may not be speaking about actual luck as much as to be pointing out (rather clumsily, because it doesn't suit you) that you have a lot to be thankful for, and they are pleased for you?

"You are so lucky" basically means "how lovely, I am pleased for you". Look for nastiness in pleasant phrases and you will be unhappy

Bad luck can make a mockery of hard work and savings as quickly as you can click your fingers

Well said.

Of course there is good luck/fortune involved. You are arrogant to assume otherwise. You've escaped ill health or a downturn in good fortune that nothing has jumped into your life to stop this achievement happening.

I really detest when people think they deserve their fortune, it is always fortuitous that you are still gaining and I have seen people floored by poor mental health (out of nowhere), poor physical health, a child born with special needs and a parent with crippling debts, all despite their own hard work and good efforts.

I am aware that my own fortune is good on the equivalent of a dice roll and not all to do with hard work and sacrifices made. Random obstacles have been surmountable and so all is well for now.

Long may you be so lucky.

Absolutely.

I’ve also worked hard in a job that’s frequently stressful and have a nice house with a big garden to show for it. I consider myself bloody lucky.

I always think of that line from Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Sunscreen’: ‘what ever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.’

@CaptainJackSparrow85 Ha! I was going to refer to the same quote but you got there first. Great life philosophy to have

I said elsewhere - you might have missed it - these people aren’t immediate friends in my close circle or anything.

And yet they know that you have moved house and your new address within two weeks of the move.

I think the solution is simple here. Don’t tell people who apparently aren’t your friends (and who you don’t actually like) about your private affairs. Then they won’t be able to turn up at your door uninvited. And for future reference if they do turn up, you don’t have to give them a guided tour.

That being said, I’m still not convinced that they were being as snarky as you seem to believe.

😂

You're lucky you are in a position to take a second job and you are lucky that you were able to save for it. I don't have that choice because I have a disabled child to care for. So yes, you're lucky that life has put you in that position. Not lucky to need IVF, I was lucky to never need that. We all have some luck in life, good or bad.

One person's good choice is another person's bad choice. I wouldn't forgo all fun for ten years to get a house. I'd consider a more balanced approach better, even if it then took 15 years to get a house. I've seen people prioritise financial goals then die and miss out on all the living they planned to do later, so no thanks.

If I said, "you're lucky to find this house" I mean just that. You're lucky to find it. You could have not come across that particular property or found a house with a unique feature. It might not have been on the market at just the right moment. It doesn't mean I want your house. It doesn't even mean I like your house. Even if I think it's awful I'd probably say you're lucky to find it if you love it. It's your home after all and you have to be happy with it.

Just say 'thank you we feel very blessed'. Or you could go with 'not really we are saddled with a huge debt until we retire and we've worked like dogs to get here'. I'm thinking you won't get many visitors in future if you go with the latter. Personally I count myself lucky if I manage to cross the road in one piece