“You are so lucky”

[SamAndEIIa]

Does anyone else hate this phrase when actually, luck has nothing to do with the situation?

We have recently bought our forever home. I’m not being modest when I say it’s nothing spectacular - it’s a standard sized three bed semi. It was recently done up before we bought it - not to a high spec or anything (eg you can tell the kitchen is not of high quality, cheap appliances, etc) - but basically nothing needs immediate attention but we will need to upgrade some things within the next 5 or so years.

Our previous home was smaller and needed quite a bit of work; we stuck it out for a long time, allowing us to save enough to afford this house.

We have had zero financial help from anyone to get this house; and we have made a lot of sacrifices for many years to be able to afford it. We both work full time, we have worked hard to get “decent” jobs (we are not wealthy by a long shot) and we have a fairly large mortgage which we will be paying until retirement (unless our financial position changes of course)

AIBU to hate it when other family and friends constantly tell us how “lucky” we are - especially friends who earn the same as us and have chose to prioritise travel/social life for the past 10+ years whilst we have stayed in almost every weekend and maybe spent a few nights away in the UK every second year, whilst our friends have been to Bali/the Maldives/cruises etc?

Now I understand that some of this is luck, for example we have been healthy enough to work, we have had healthy children who don’t need extensive care etc, but the friends who are making these comments have been similarly fortunate, and actually have had family helping them financially with deposits/with free childcare, so actually are probably more “lucky” than us.

AIBU to hate people assigning “luck” to situations which are nothing to do with luck, and actually a lot to do with hard work and sacrifice?

I would be inclined to challenge their comment and their viewpoint by saying something like "I'm not sure luck had much to do with it, I think it was going without holidays abroad, spending evenings at home and saving like crazy that had more to do with it."

I used to get the same (but the opposite way around) when I travelled. “You’re so lucky you get to travel for so long at a time”. - no, I just saved money, and prioritised travelling over buying a house/having a family in my 20’s etc.

I just used to say “save some money, quit your job, rent your house out and you can do the same” and they’d usually shut up.

I've worked damn hard my whole life and just been diagnosed with a rare, disabling, and incurable condition. Maybe I should have worked even harder 🤷‍♀️

Hard work can help create better "luck", agreed, but there's a huge element of chance in life too

Someone said it was okay for me after 2 strokes because I’m recovering well!!! It’s not okay because to have 2 strokes is not okay for anyone. Everything I’ve done has been very very hard. It’s not okay because it’s not ok for anyone. You’re not lucky, you worked hard and saved hard to make it happen . That’s the truth .

Sorry if it wasn’t clear - these people also own a home.
They come from more affluent backgrounds than us and therefore have family help (financial) with things like deposits and free childcare.
Maybe they genuinely don’t realise that we don’t have all that - I don’t know. Although it would beg the question where we put our money in the past if it wasn’t paying for childcare and savings for our house!

So much this. Absolutely agree.

I think it's not that deep. Saying 'your so lucky' or whatever is just a way of saying what a lovely thing for you.

As someone with 2 disabled children and zero earning potential, I think YABU. You are lucky. Being healthy and having healthy children are jackpot! And often pure luck. How are you possibly not lucky???🤔

The people in question earn roughly the same as us; they just enjoyed looking down on us previously and now that we have “come up in the world” they are uncomfortable that we now have something to show for our money whereas before we didn’t (since it was all tied up in savings which they didn’t necessarily know about)

You sound like you have quite a large chip on your shoulder. Forget about what other people do or think - you might well be wrong in your (over)analysis anyway.
As a pp said, most people use lucky simply to mean how lovely.

Exactly.

I see the same with my children. It’s okay that we lost 5 babies, both fallopian tubes and needed IVF (self funded) because we have two children.
Somehow being “okay now” is lucky?
it invalidates the journey that it took to get there.
Im happy that you are recovering well after your strokes but I’m sorry that happened to you; strokes are truly devastating ❤️

It sounds like you're taking it the wrong way. 'You're so lucky' doesn't usually mean this all fell on your lap, it just means 'I'm happy for you', that's certainly how I would take it anyway.

So walking round someone’s new house repeating “I hope you realise how lucky you are” whilst comparing their belongings to your own is them saying “how lovely”

Try this one : ‘the harder I work, the luckier I get’. With a smile.

I agree, you're over thinking it.

It's a good thing, an exciting thing, and people are acknowledging it.
Nobody ever tells me I'm lucky! Maybe I'm lucky to be content about that though.

I had a friend at uni who told me I was lucky when I got good marks... I don't think it was luck, maybe it was not doing it at 3am the night before like she did!

As you see if you read my posts, I am lucky because my own health is (now) good, and I have healthy children. These are both pure luck.

However, I had to pay for IVF to have my youngest.
I had a horrible journey to get both my children.
We had very serious health issues a while ago.
We both lost our jobs at different times, and for a long time we had more in bills than we did coming in, yet got no financial help.

None of our successes came easy to us, it was pure hard work and sacrifice. And I’d never say I’m “not lucky” to someone who is objectively less fortunate than us.

Even if we had been very lucky; we still wouldn’t have got to where we are today without a lot of hard work too.

I think it's just a way of saying how lovely for you. It's one of those trite sayings people use that doesn't really have a lot of meaning. Maybe you're lucky that such a perfect home was on the market at the time you were looking? Luck of timing? Not that you couldn't have found another home but that one being available at just the right time could be put down to luck. Try not to overthink it and just think of it as people sharing how lovely they think it is.

You’re doing it wrong. I moved here 2 years ago, only my siblings and parents have ever seen it once and that was because they were invited to DCs birthday party last year. I can’t imagine giving a toss where anyone lived or what in or whether they owned it.I doubt any of my friends or acquaintances have ever given my housing a second thought. My little place and garden is absolutely beautiful and I love it but I can’t imagine people being rude enough to show up and disturb our peace, much less make personal comments about finance and stuff. I don’t even know how much my sister paid for her house she just bought bloody rude to ask imo.

Haha, that never happened to me (probably because I didn’t get particularly good grades because I had to work almost full-time hours alongside my degree)

Be proud of your grades, you got them from hard work!

Someone I’m friendly with knows how much I paid; because they looked up my house on the website (and told me they had done so!) 😳😳

I work hard and can't afford to save enough to buy a house. If I could I'd be so bloody happy that I wouldn't care about being called lucky.

You still have elements of luck in there though. I'm lucky that I had no trouble conceiving. No work involved there. It's just that wasn't my battle in life (I've had others of my own). You are lucky that IVF worked. I don't think that is down to hard work. It doesn't work for everyone, it's lucky for you it did, just as I had the luck of not needing it. If you are lucky your children will stay healthy and you will stay healthy. Life is a mix of work and luck really.

Ah@SamAndEIIa I have a post about the one up/one down friendship dynamic I friendships. I was the one down in a lot of friendships that didn't run that deep. Now I have my own job, place, pension, plans, don't need "advice" or a bag of old clothes, those people don't know how to place me. It seems to matter. I just wanted friendships where you were allowed to grow/change, have good times, rough patches et cetera

Sad fact. A lot of people, what they need from a friendship is that you make them feel better about them self

I consider myself lucky. I have worked really hard to get what I have but other people do too and some have more barriers and privilege than others

I am lucky

Just tell them you sacrificed the social life
and the holidays for the house. And watch them squirm 😂