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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband invited to work event on a Sunday

102 replies

Strugglingatworkmum · 25/08/2023 10:54

DH's manager is organising lunch for the team on a Sunday in his house. I think it's coming from a good place but he lives in the middle of nowhere with no direct train access and we have a baby and toddler at home. If he goes there it means 2 hours each way to his normal workplace and our home and I will be alone with them the whole day. We barely see our children during the week as they are both in childcare. He feels he has to go as there is some sort of social pressure. AIBU to be annoyed by this and to think they should be a bit more considerate before extending an invite like this. Ultimately it's a work event and for me weekends are for family.

OP posts:
Sarvanga38 · 25/08/2023 10:55

Surely a bank holiday weekend lunch would be more likely to be a team BBQ with partners type thing?

Sarvanga38 · 25/08/2023 10:55

(Oh, might not be this weekend, I guess!?)

(I am just going to edit this for the sport of now being able to edit posts, keep seeing the white marker and didn't know it had been introduced ... 😆)

Sirzy · 25/08/2023 10:56

As a one off it wouldn’t bother me I would just write it off as one of those things that’s not ideal but needs doing.

cocksstrideintheevening · 25/08/2023 10:56

I worked with someone who did this, a summer BQQ at their sprawling country pile. families were invited though.

You are being a bit precious IMO, it's only one day.

Peony654 · 25/08/2023 10:56

YABU to suggest the boss shouldn't organise and invite people - that's a nice thing to do. Just don't go - say you have pre arranged plans. But surely you could also ask if you and children can come to?

LlynTegid · 25/08/2023 10:56

Just say no. Or rather DH says no, saying how kind the invite is.

There's no way I'd host my work colleagues, even if they lived five minutes away, incidentally.

PragmaticWench · 25/08/2023 10:57

I understand why you feel annoyed by it, weekends should NOT be about work. It also means you'll have a tough day with two tinies.

However, for some jobs it's important to show team interaction and attend some social functions. Hosting your staff in your own home is a generous act and shouldn't be snubbed if possible.

Illegallyblonder · 25/08/2023 10:57

YANBU, I think it's out of order. In work hours - fine, on a Sunday, unless partners and kids are invited = not fine.

Onelifeonly · 25/08/2023 11:02

I think it is wrong to expect colleagues to give up their weekends for a social team event, so I say YANBU. Because if such a thing is important it should be done during work time or one evening after work. He's probably not the only one reluctant to go. I HAVE been to social events with colleagues at the weekend but not been "expected" to go, which is quite different. Also I have taken my kids to that kind of thing on occasion. However I understand he might feel he can't say no - I probably wouldn't either if everyone else on the team was going.

TokyoSushi · 25/08/2023 11:03

If things like this don't happen very often then it's only a day, I'd get on with it...

RatherBeRiding · 25/08/2023 11:06

Depends. Is it a one-off? How badly will the boss take it if DH doesn't attend - will he see it as a snub? On the one hand it seems like a nice thing to do, but on the other - you're right that team lunches should be in working time because weekends are NOT for work!

However - will there be repercussions if DH doesn't go?

Original poster
Strugglingatworkmum · 25/08/2023 11:27

It's a one off and families are invited, but we don't drive and we would need to put our baby and toddler into a taxi after the train journey, meaning lugging around two different car seats. It's not that he is living in an incredibly convenient place.
I don't think the manager will react badly, two other colleagues with children were reluctant too. I'm aware it's a nice thing, that's why I'm feeling awkward having to refuse.

OP posts:
CruCru · 25/08/2023 11:37

Honestly? If it is a one off then go (even if it is a bit inconvenient).

If it becomes a regular thing then put your foot down about Sundays being family time.

LlynTegid · 25/08/2023 11:39

You should not feel awkward about saying no politely.

Incidentally someone might not drive because of a hidden disability, which a person may not choose to declare at work, as it does not affect their work in any way. Thoughtless to arrange something on a Sunday when less public transport.

Hungryfrogs23 · 25/08/2023 11:41

I think it's a nice gesture and it still is for families if you're saying families are invited. Honestly, it's very rare nowadays that NEITHER partner in a couple can drive so the boss probably hasn't considered that. I think YABU and need to lighten up a bit tbh.

Sirzy · 25/08/2023 11:46

Can he just go alone?

RaisedByHedgehogs · 25/08/2023 11:47

Just say no. You’re under no obligation to go. A simple, “thank you, but we can’t make it” is fine.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 25/08/2023 11:49

Ohh I'd be there like a shot, sounds great. Lighten up OP. (Thinking about the early Simpsons where they all go to Burns Mansion and Marge over indulges in "alky-hol").

WandaWonder · 25/08/2023 11:49

Evert week or month annoying but a one off why is it an issue?

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/08/2023 11:49

It’s a one-off and you are invited, his employer can’t help that you have transport issues. Wouldn’t bother me.

Inmybirthdaysuit · 25/08/2023 11:51

Hungryfrogs23 · 25/08/2023 11:41

I think it's a nice gesture and it still is for families if you're saying families are invited. Honestly, it's very rare nowadays that NEITHER partner in a couple can drive so the boss probably hasn't considered that. I think YABU and need to lighten up a bit tbh.

I think this is it. It just wouldn't occur to him that neither of you can drive, that is a rare thing. He's just doing something nice but if you can't make it just make your apologies. Dhs work has things like this every now and then, sometimes he goes, sometimes he doesn't fancy it and doesn't, it isn't a big deal.

Duvetdayforme · 25/08/2023 11:53

I thought it was legal for children to travel in taxis without car seats?

I would go with DH and try to enjoy the day.

Mynameishi · 25/08/2023 11:54

Strugglingatworkmum · 25/08/2023 11:27

It's a one off and families are invited, but we don't drive and we would need to put our baby and toddler into a taxi after the train journey, meaning lugging around two different car seats. It's not that he is living in an incredibly convenient place.
I don't think the manager will react badly, two other colleagues with children were reluctant too. I'm aware it's a nice thing, that's why I'm feeling awkward having to refuse.

Just in case you are not aware but you don't need car seats in taxis and/ or can see if the taxi company can offer them so you don't have to carry them

CruCru · 25/08/2023 12:03

Duvetdayforme · 25/08/2023 11:53

I thought it was legal for children to travel in taxis without car seats?

I would go with DH and try to enjoy the day.

I think you’re right but I wouldn’t want to take a baby without one (unless it’s a London taxi and they are in a buggy).

7eleven · 25/08/2023 12:17

It’s a one off, you’re all invited, taking public transport isn’t that difficult (otherwise you’d never go anywhere, would you?) and forming good relationships with colleagues is helpful.

The manager has organised a fun, family get together, not a trip to a strip club.

You're being a bit unnecessarily difficult, I think. Why don’t you all go. There’s a good chance you’ll have a really good time.

Don’t make your OH not go. Don’t be a kill joy. It’s boring.

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