Page 4 | Husband invited to work event on a Sunday

Strugglingatworkmum · 2023-08-25T09:54:02+00:00

DH's manager is organising lunch for the team on a Sunday in his house. I think it's coming from a good place but he lives in the middle of nowhere with no direct train access and we have a baby and toddler at home. If he goes there it means 2 hours each way to his normal workplace and our home and I will be alone with them the whole day. We barely see our children during the week as they are both in childcare. He feels he has to go as there is some sort of social pressure. AIBU to be annoyed by this and to think they should be a bit more considerate before extending an invite like this. Ultimately it's a work event and for me weekends are for family.

Fizbosshoes · 25/08/2023 14:40

I'd think would be fine if it's a one off (could you invite a friend/family round for part of the day if you think you might want adult company?)

I don't think it would seem rude or weird if DH goes alone. He could even say it was a bit much to travel that far with babies, or they have a strict routine etc

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/08/2023 14:42

spitefulandbadgrammar · 25/08/2023 13:25

Not a cat’s chance in hell I’d socialise with colleagues outside of paid work hours.

Seriously? I find this so unnecessarily hard line.

Not everyone wants to hang out with their colleagues, fair enough, but the hostility and preciousness is amazing.

It’s a well intended, generous, entirely voluntary invitation which is meant to be inclusive. I get that it’s not everyone’s idea of fun but why the nastiness and the sense of offence?

Fizbosshoes · 25/08/2023 14:46

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/08/2023 14:42

Seriously? I find this so unnecessarily hard line.

Not everyone wants to hang out with their colleagues, fair enough, but the hostility and preciousness is amazing.

It’s a well intended, generous, entirely voluntary invitation which is meant to be inclusive. I get that it’s not everyone’s idea of fun but why the nastiness and the sense of offence?

Show quote history

I feel in a MN minority that I like my present and past work colleagues and would count many as friends. We've been to each others engagements, weddings, significant birthday parties and sadly a funeral.

Daffidale · 25/08/2023 14:48

It’s fine for you and DH to politely set and enforce boundaries between home and work. I’d decline using some of the simple wording about transport issues and weekends being important family time.

As you say the invitation probably comes from a good place . but no one should feel obliged to attend a work event outside working hours, especially on a weekend. The social pressure can be real tho. Does that come from boss or colleagues? I find people who enjoy these social things can be quite unreasonable in how they pressure others with similar “lighten up it’s just a one off” type things that you’ve got on this thread.

7eleven · 25/08/2023 14:50

FoodFann · 25/08/2023 14:34

Completely agree. The weekend is precious family time. Your DH’s boss thinks himself quite important to think his employees want to spend their free time with him!

I remember being s Saturday girl at a jewellery shop, and the owner wanted us all round her house for a jolly. We felt obliged to go, but for us, driving hours out into the countryside was a huge expense.

I’m sure both my old boss, and your DH’s just want to show off their big house 🙄 How sad that they have to pay for friends

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Most ridiculous post I’ve read on here for a while. What a warped view of life!

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/08/2023 14:52

@Fizbosshoes

Same here. 2-3 of my colleagues are close friends.

Thats not for everyone and that’s fine but I find this attitude that any attempt to befriend people you work with is a violation of their privacy really mean-minded and unnecessary.

You don’t want to go, don’t go. No need to be outraged or offended by a gesture of kindness and friendship.

pizzaHeart · 25/08/2023 14:52

Hungryfrogs23 · 25/08/2023 11:41

I think it's a nice gesture and it still is for families if you're saying families are invited. Honestly, it's very rare nowadays that NEITHER partner in a couple can drive so the boss probably hasn't considered that. I think YABU and need to lighten up a bit tbh.

I also agree with this. He invited families so it was a thoughtful gesture as to middle of nowhere…it means he’s got enough space for a big gathering.
I can’t tell you what to do - depends on taxi costs, children routine etc but I wouldn’t put the taxi cost and inconvenience as a reason for not coming, better to say that you’ve got agreed plans.

wombat1a · 25/08/2023 14:54

We've been to a few of these, they are usually really good events and you get to know people in a very different way.

It would never occur to me that someone didn't drive though.

Daffidale · 25/08/2023 14:54

WhiteArsenic · 25/08/2023 12:54

I may be your hostess, as my DH has just sent out invitations of this sort for his team. If so, or if your DH’s company has the same approach as mine’s, let me reassure you that there is nothing in this beyond a general intention to run an informal event for colleagues and families to get a chance to meet socially, that plenty of people don’t come, that nobody will mind whether you or he comes, that it’s meant to be pleasant not a burden, and that probably the hosts will be quite pleased if some people don’t come as it keeps the cost and disruption down a bit. I’d hate to think anyone was visiting me under any sort of duress when it’s genuinely meant to be an optional social event!

This is the best reply here ^
treat it as the nice but not compulsory gesture it is

UsingChangeofName · 25/08/2023 14:54

7eleven · 25/08/2023 12:17

It’s a one off, you’re all invited, taking public transport isn’t that difficult (otherwise you’d never go anywhere, would you?) and forming good relationships with colleagues is helpful.

The manager has organised a fun, family get together, not a trip to a strip club.

You're being a bit unnecessarily difficult, I think. Why don’t you all go. There’s a good chance you’ll have a really good time.

Don’t make your OH not go. Don’t be a kill joy. It’s boring.

This

UsingChangeofName · 25/08/2023 14:57

NaselHazel · 25/08/2023 13:09

You seem peeved that the boss has the temerity not to live next to you or right beside a convenient station. It’s your issue if neither of you drive. Not the norm.

I see no problem with the idea of a team lunch on a Sunday when work will not intrude on the day. It’s kind gesture to open your home to host (and pay) for a team lunch and include employees’ families too. If it’s a hassle for you to schlep with kids and car seats, then say no and your DH can go alone. It’s one afternoon. It may help his career progression.

Just as an aside - it is a LOT of work hosting and organising, even with caterers. The boss and family are putting themselves out too. I speak as a spouse who hosts DH’s team and client events sometimes, not with families though. Actually they can be fun. I’d lighten up.

and this

Well, not the bit about me hosting - I haven't. I have, however gone along with dh over the years when his boss has kindly invited the families to lunches at their home. It has been nice to put faces to names of colleagues dh mentioned occasionally, and we even had someone volunteer to babysit when our dc were little, having met them at a BBQ at his boss's home.
All the lunches over the years have been pleasant, social occasions.

BCBird · 25/08/2023 14:59

I doubt the boss has imagined that there will be couples where both people don't drive. If u can't get there you can't go.simple.

Clefable · 25/08/2023 15:02

I love my colleagues and we enjoy spending time together outside of work so this wouldn't bother me, I'd like to go (but would prob leave kids and DH at home as I think it's a diff kind of vibe, but I suppose it depends on the event). But if your husband doesn't want to then that's also fine. We have some people who don't come to social stuff and that's fine. But you can't really ask for there not to be entirely voluntary social stuff at weekends.

LittleMissUnreasonable · 25/08/2023 15:03

Completely agree. The weekend is precious family time. Your DH’s boss thinks himself quite important to think his employees want to spend their free time with him!

I remember being s Saturday girl at a jewellery shop, and the owner wanted us all round her house for a jolly. We felt obliged to go, but for us, driving hours out into the countryside was a huge expense.

I’m sure both my old boss, and your DH’s just want to show off their big house 🙄 How sad that they have to pay for friends
@FoodFann

You well and truly hit the MN bingo here 😂

Weekends are family time
Being offended at being invited to a social event on the weekend
Boss must be wanting to show off their massive house
Boss must be some social outcast who has no friends

How batshit 😂. Meanwhile in the real world, people go out on weekends, with or without their direct nuclear family. The boss probably decided to host so they could provide food and drink, rather than expect people to be out of pocket. The boss doesn't sound sad actually, you sound sad for getting aso overly offended and defensive at the thought of being asked to what sounds like a nice afternoon in somebody's house with your family.

NotMadeOfStone · 25/08/2023 15:08

Surely 'The weekend' is not 'precious' every single time, there's 52 a year! Every weekend can't be #makingmemories

A significant portion of weekends with small children involves laundry, sitting about waiting for them to wake up, and trying to find something to do that isn't the park. Again.

Codependantnomore · 25/08/2023 15:11

This is ridiculous. You have all been invited, you cannot all go because it is too moch faff with the kids to travel. So he goes on his own. You moaning you will be on your own with the kids all day is the silliest thing I have ever heard in my life. It is ONE day. One! You will not die if your husband is not there. FFS.

RobertaFirmino · 25/08/2023 15:13

It's a Bank Holiday on Monday, can't you have faaaamily time then?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 25/08/2023 15:35

Some of us work weekends. The horror 🤣

Really though, the boss is supposed to organise and host a Social Event on a work day because weekends are family time? That's ridiculous. About as ridiculous as him wanting to show off rather than just trying to do something nice and encourage interwork relationships (work is always so much better when people get on!)

You're making it into something it isn't. Oh poor you if you have to spend one day alone with your children because he wants to go and it's hard for all of you to go. Take them to the park or meet up with a Mom friend or something. Easy.

shams05 · 25/08/2023 15:39

I would take the baby in the pram with the car seat attached then in the taxi you just fold away the pram and buckle the seat in.
How do you normally get around?

BasiliskStare · 25/08/2023 15:42

I was invited to a weekend in Antigua ( I think it was there - Caribbean anyhow - by DH's company ( I think it was to a v posh resort as a work / family invited sort of thing thing ) - I just said thank you very much but I don't like flying and the jet lag for that amount of time I don't think would suit me. No-one minded I wasn't there and nor did I mind DH would be spending 4 days away. Good luck to him. To be fair DS was not tiny. But there are sometimes things you have to make a choice to get on with colleagues and join in or just say no.Probably just saying no is absolutely fine. But I do think one afternoon with him away isn't bad & as others have said - Bank holiday next day.

Rooroo42 · 26/08/2023 15:17

He’s doing a nice thing for his staff and you are invited, either go with your kids and enjoy, go without your kids (find a sitter) and enjoy or politely decline. I’m sure it will be a lovely day and he would of put lots of effort in, take it for what it is which is a very generous gesture

Newuserusee · 26/08/2023 15:58

i think it’s outrageous someone invited you to a bbq at their house - how rude of them!!

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 26/08/2023 16:31

LittleMissUnreasonable · 25/08/2023 15:03

Completely agree. The weekend is precious family time. Your DH’s boss thinks himself quite important to think his employees want to spend their free time with him!

I remember being s Saturday girl at a jewellery shop, and the owner wanted us all round her house for a jolly. We felt obliged to go, but for us, driving hours out into the countryside was a huge expense.

I’m sure both my old boss, and your DH’s just want to show off their big house 🙄 How sad that they have to pay for friends
@FoodFann

You well and truly hit the MN bingo here 😂

Weekends are family time
Being offended at being invited to a social event on the weekend
Boss must be wanting to show off their massive house
Boss must be some social outcast who has no friends

How batshit 😂. Meanwhile in the real world, people go out on weekends, with or without their direct nuclear family. The boss probably decided to host so they could provide food and drink, rather than expect people to be out of pocket. The boss doesn't sound sad actually, you sound sad for getting aso overly offended and defensive at the thought of being asked to what sounds like a nice afternoon in somebody's house with your family.

I’m always amazed at the mental gymnastics on here. Some posters have such warped mindsets. They must be a joy to be around. 🙄

Oblomov23 · 26/08/2023 16:46

Your objection is unfair. If you don't want to go just politely decline. Its a one off, a kind offer from Manager. I like going to my works christmas dinner. Dh socialises with his colleagues alot.

UndercoverCop · 26/08/2023 16:51

It sounds like a really nice gesture, a long train journey probably costs around the same or more than a day car hire, can either of you drive? You already have car seats and driving would just make it a lovely day for all of you