Husband invited to work event on a Sunday

[Strugglingatworkmum]

DH's manager is organising lunch for the team on a Sunday in his house. I think it's coming from a good place but he lives in the middle of nowhere with no direct train access and we have a baby and toddler at home. If he goes there it means 2 hours each way to his normal workplace and our home and I will be alone with them the whole day. We barely see our children during the week as they are both in childcare. He feels he has to go as there is some sort of social pressure. AIBU to be annoyed by this and to think they should be a bit more considerate before extending an invite like this. Ultimately it's a work event and for me weekends are for family.

I wouldn't bother with the car seats for a taxi personally. I'd go as it's a day out, free food and adult company. Why not? The kids will be entertained and less work than they would be otherwise.

Is there another family you could hire a mini van with.?

Sorry, I see you would do train and taxi.
I wouldn't be keen on 4hrs total travelling to a work social event on a Sunday.

You seem peeved that the boss has the temerity not to live next to you or right beside a convenient station. It’s your issue if neither of you drive. Not the norm.

I see no problem with the idea of a team lunch on a Sunday when work will not intrude on the day. It’s kind gesture to open your home to host (and pay) for a team lunch and include employees’ families too. If it’s a hassle for you to schlep with kids and car seats, then say no and your DH can go alone. It’s one afternoon. It may help his career progression.

Just as an aside - it is a LOT of work hosting and organising, even with caterers. The boss and family are putting themselves out too. I speak as a spouse who hosts DH’s team and client events sometimes, not with families though. Actually they can be fun. I’d lighten up.

Just send him by himself if it's too much of a faff. Does he want to go ?
It's a one off . So you'll have the children by yourself for a whole day. Is it that much of a big deal ? Do you HAVE to do everything together.
Do you have to LUG car seats , sounds like you're making an issue of it and being negative already when there's no need.
This isn't the hill to die on really it isn't

Not a cat’s chance in hell I’d socialise with colleagues outside of paid work hours.

This.
YABU.
It's one day.
You never know you might enjoy yourself.

I think you need to respect your husbands view about if he should attend . I can see why you are miffed though. I don't think you have to be overly grateful to be invited to a work function on a Sunday.

I agree with this - I wouldn't bother trying to all go as the transport is going to be a total pain. Your DH is best placed to judge whether he should put in an appearance or not.

YANBU but it’s important he goes. At least he’ll be able to leave early due to little kids at home. The follow weekend can you have a day off for yourself and he can spend time with the kids?

Won’t it be embarrassing for DH to explain why his wife and children didn’t want to come?

Not at all. Just say that one of the kids has a bit of a cold. Everyone will understand why you didn’t bring them. You’ll also get to leave at a good time.

This

I really think they can talk to each other about how imperative it is they all attend together. Surely it can be expected that if someone arranges an event on a Sunday then there will be some people who can't go.

Just send him on his own if you don’t want to take the children? I think you’re making this harder than it is. And yes he should go if it’s important for keeping him in his job

Of course YABU.
It is a nice invitation to families of his colleagues (or employees?)

He isn't responsible for the fact that neither of you drive.
He isn't responsible for the fact your dh has either chosen a job so far away from your home, or a home so far away from his work.

He has kindly invited all the families - which is a nice and generous thing to do.
If being invited somewhere is too difficult for you, because of your own family circumstances then say "Thanks, but we aren't able to make it" and life will go on.
His boss, however isn't BU at all.

Sounds like a social event and family time to me. It is annoying that yoing children/no car make it awkward for you to attend but not unreasonable to invite. Dh can say no.

It wouldn't occur to me that neither of an youngish adult couple could drive TBH.

He feels social pressure to go, so not work or corporate pressure.

It's impossible to please everyone. Half our team complains we don't socialise enough, half only want to do it IN working time...which can't be justified or achieved. Half live in one city, half in another.

As long as its not compulsory and they won't be making work decisions, or basing things on attendance then it's just a social event.

OH attends work events evenings and weekends routinely. Partly because relationships are part of his job, partly because he enjoys them.

Do neither of you ever do anything solo at the weekend?

It sounds more like DH wants to go, or just feels like he ought to because he doesn't want to be left out. It doesn't sound, from what you've said, that there's pressure/expectation from the employer that every single person will attend. Obviously for you and your DH, because of the car situation and the distance involved, it's a difficult trip, but for most people it would be no big deal at all and his employer has done nothing wrong here.

It's a social event arranged through work, with families invited, rather than a 'work event', so of course DH is perfectly entitled to say he can't make it, if he doesn't want to go. If he does want to go, and you (understandably) don't want to drag the kids all that way by public transport and taxi, then just let him go on his own while you stay at home and have a day doing something nice with the kids. It's only one day out of a lifetime.

I think you're making a big deal out of it especially if he likes the job and wants to get on. On a side note _ my ex didn't drive and always bellyached if events were only accessible by car. Very annoying tbh. Most people have at least one driver in the family (unless there is a medical reason, if so I apologise and the boss should make allowances)

Completely agree. The weekend is precious family time. Your DH’s boss thinks himself quite important to think his employees want to spend their free time with him!

I remember being s Saturday girl at a jewellery shop, and the owner wanted us all round her house for a jolly. We felt obliged to go, but for us, driving hours out into the countryside was a huge expense.

I’m sure both my old boss, and your DH’s just want to show off their big house 🙄 How sad that they have to pay for friends

Yes it’s annoying - but honestly if it’s a one off then it’s no big deal.

Haven’t you spent a day alone with your little ones before?

@FoodFann wife and children are invited.

It's nice but a polite sorry can't make it is entirely reasonable given the logistics- if it was near I would show my face for a bit but it's not